She was frustrating me so badly. Why couldn’t she be more
put together? Why is she wearing that? Not to mention she should probably work out
more. I think her eyes would be better
if they were a different color. How should she fix her hair today? Why aren’t
her lips fuller? Should she whiten her teeth? If only she were taller that
outfit would look better. Why can’t she be more like… why can’t she be more
like the perfection of airbrushed magazines and models?
Is it too much to ask of her? Why can’t she be perfect? Why
can’t she be better? Prettier. Lovelier. More appealing. Maybe if that were the case someone would notice. Can't she just be something? Just
something more than what she is.
You may think I'm awful. That I’m the most judgmental girl
you’ll ever meet. Hateful. Shameless. Critical. But this was my fight with the
mirror.
I was frustrated with the women looking back at me. Then the
tirade happened. The woman in the mirror didn’t feel any better about anything,
and she left feeling as though perfection will always be out of reach.
I hate to admit to it. But all too often this happens. I get
in a huge fight with the mirror and the reflection looking back at me. It goes
a little something like what I’ve already said. Too many times it will go on
for longer. A tug here and a pull there at my clothes. Running my hands through
my hair one more time to make sure there’s perfection. Why won’t my eyelashes
curl? Is my skin too dry? This was NOT this tight on me last week. Why can’t I be more?
I’m 26 years old and I find myself shocked at times with the
obsession I can have over how I look. All of that to say, I don’t even spend
hours getting ready in front of the mirror. I’m a get up and go kind of girl,
but my argument with the mirror is never out of my reach. It will happen at the
strangest times. I’m my worst critic, and I’ll even find myself focusing on and
even disliking qualities that a moment before I liked.
I know that inward beauty is the most important. Of the
women I respect the most, I can’t recall the color of their eyes, whether or
not their teeth were straight, or even if they dressed in style. Oh, but their
hearts! I can tell you of their hearts. I will sing their praises for what the
Lord has done in their life. The sad thing is that as soon as I put myself in
front of the mirror, it’s a different game. It’s me now, and I can shred myself
to pieces.
You won’t usually hear me complain about how I look. I for
sure would NEVER say anything in front of guys. So the entire battle can happen without
anybody knowing about it. I find that most girls do this to themselves and
worse. They resort to eating disorders or trying to compensate in other ways. Plastic
surgery. Chemical peels. These things are among the women of my generation as
well as women who are getting older. Our culture really does love beauty. Well,
the beauty on the outside anyways.
So after talking to the mirror for awhile, I have a choice
to make. I have a battle to fight. The battle is not against the one in the
mirror but against the lies of Satan. The deception of beauty. The way that the
evil one loves to weave lies around us so that we can’t see the beauty of
Christ in our hearts. He fabricates these things so that we almost forget that
the deception began with him. He’s really good at it. So sometimes I have to
stop and tell the woman in the mirror that she is all of those things that she
desires. She’s pretty. Lovely.
Appealing. She’s something. She’s
something because she’s a daughter of the King of kings and not because of how
she looks on the outside. She can conquer in the midst of the battlefield of
lies. She doesn’t have to go down the
destructive road. She can turn and run to God and his love. For she is not
something because she’s earned it. She’s something because of God’s grace.
And that’s enough. That’s more than enough. Because at the
end of the day when you strip away the airbrushing and perfection of the magazine,
it’s all been a lie. You are left with nothing.
One of the few times I’ve ever verbalized these things in
front of a guy, I was cropping a picture of myself for my prayer card. First, he looked at me like I was crazy. I
was going over and over again about how maybe my smile was crooked or my eyes
looked too squinted. I remember a knot in my throat as I kept feeling so dissatisfied
with myself. Then my friend told me if I wasn’t happy with that picture I’d
never be happy with any of them. Talk about a gut punch with a side dish of
embarrassment. I didn’t even realize I was tearing myself apart. On top of
that, he was right.
Women will always find something to complain about. We’re
experts at it. It’s our struggle, and it can come and go as quickly as time
does. So what do we do? We lean into our Creator who has purified us. We lift
one another up with words of affirmation. Then we tell Satan to get behind us,
because who really has time to spend fighting with the mirror?
Charm is deceptive, and beauty if fleeting, but a woman who
fears the Lord is to be praised.
Proverbs 31:30
Fighting the load of lies,
Taryn
