A Declaration of War

Today I had the opportunity to share my testimony with the Hispanic ministry at my church. I've been going to the Hispanic Bible study and worship on Wednesday and Sunday to get my Spanish ready for Spain in March. As I was working on my testimony in Spanish I decided to include details of when I declared war.

You may have no idea what I'm talking about, but we'll get there in a moment. The week before my wreck at my training, we had to participate in "family" time. Since there's a bunch of us singles there, we are supposed to spend this time with our roommates. As my roommates (Brook and Pat) and I were meeting we discussed the spiritual warfare we were encountering. We had things we needed to clear up with one another and things we needed to clean up in our hearts. With very heavy hearts we prayed and prayed and prayed. As we prayed, I could hear the intensity and earnestness in my roommates voices. We had felt an attack, and we were fighting the best way we knew how... with prayer. After we had finished praying I grabbed a piece of paper and wrote a declaration of war against Satan. I was so fed up with how the evil one works that I was determined to let him know that victory belongs to Christ alone. The following Sunday was when Brook and I had our accident.

Now I'm not saying that just because I made a declaration of war against Satan, that it's the reason I was in the wreck. I'm am saying, however, that Satan is at work and he had an intentional attack planned. This was not only an attack on me, but an attack on my family and many others. Satan wanted to so badly put a fear in us, but he has done quite the opposite. Instead I have felt the presence of the Holy Spirit in such a strong way. I believe that Satan asked to test us, and God for whatever reason allowed it. I know that suffering produces so many good things in our walk, and this experience had only solidified my belief and faith in Jesus Christ. I can honestly say that I believe my God is greater than Satan, and Satan has no victory. I REFUSE to let any of what I have encountered to bring fame to anyone but God.

It's really interesting because I had prepared myself in so many ways from the attacks of Satan, but he always seems to have a plan to attack us in an area where we least expect it. The good news that I have is that God is right there with us when the unexpected happens. Just this morning I was talking with my mom how God gives us the ability to deal with what happens. Sometimes we look at the trials someone goes through and wonder how they do it. The way they continue on is because of the Holy Spirit. Have we forgotten the power of the God we serve? I realize that my declaration of war against Satan is not the first declaration, but I know the end result of the war. Let us not allow him to have any glory until we get to that final victory.

Walking gets easier each day, even though I'm still slow. I'm about 2 weeks ahead of schedule because of your prayers. Please pray for strength in my ankles and that my muscles will loosen up. They are still tight, and I'm still sporting some bruises. It's been about 2 months; God continues in faithfulness. If you want one of my prayer cards please email me! Also if you have prayer requests let me know! taryneb@yahoo.com

Taryn

Kung Fu Hamster vs. Dr. Hamster

So at one point during highschool or college my aunt and uncle gave me this ridiculous toy hamster that sings the Kung Fu Fighting song and is dressed up like the karate kid. I have carried him along with me through my moves in college. As much as I have appreciated him, my dear friend Christy has always hated him. She just thinks he's gross, and she shares her dissatisfaction with him anytime they meet. I actually think deep down she's quite fond of him. Because of her love/hate for him, in the past I have called her and just pushed the hamster's music button, so she could hear him singing for her on the other line. I would always hear her yell for me through the phone!

Well interestingly enough when I was sick, my friends Kate and Christy posted a facebook video of them with another toy hamster! Except this one was a singing Dr. It's just a continuing inside joke between a group of us, but I did think that some other people out there may also appreciate this little, toy hamster. I even found him worthy of taking to my physical therapy to make my friends smile. Below is the video of my adventure with the Dr. hamster. It's silly, I know, but maybe it'll make you laugh! I mean just think of me being in public with this thing... pretty embarrassing!

The Big "Why"

As I was sitting in the doctor's office a few weeks ago, I watched this very "done up" older woman as she was leaving the office with her husband. As she walked pass she made an unwelcomed comment of, "Well you really did yourself up for Christmas!" Now being the kind, sweet person that I am, I didn't respond to her. I made eye contact and just slowly looked away. Now, you may not think that this response was kind or sweet, but if you knew what was flying through my head in that moment, you would agree that it was best I didn't say anything and responded as little as possible. In the milliseconds that this happened, I also considered how much I could get away with saying and still be employed by the IMB. In hindsight this situation makes me laugh, but in the moment I felt such a frustration and cried out to God the big question that everyone has, "WHY?! Why did all of this happen, so that I'm sitting in this doctors office dealing with this inconsiderate lady?"

Now despite the fact that with many things in life we don't know why they happen, we still struggle with this question. I have to use a lot of grace as people give me the answer that they've come up with to the why . Many times people are really trying to encourage and other times it seems as though individuals haven't really thought through what they are saying. This is mostly the category that strangers fall into, like the lovely lady I encountered at the doctor's office.

We want so badly to have an understanding of why these difficult things in life occur. That's why we try to find the best answer that we can. I believe that God can and will work all things for good and for his glory, but what I've learned from having two major car accidents is that we really just don't have the answer right now. I can see glimpses of the "why", but I don't have the big picture. And the important thing for us to realize is that it's okay that we don't know. It's okay to ask God why, but at the end of the day I just have to trust. I've been reading through Genesis, and I've come across the story of Jacob wrestling with God. Sometimes I feel like I just wrestle with God, and I've even considered doing what Jacob did and demanding that I won't stop wrestling until I receive a blessing. Probably shouldn't be demanding anything of God, but I can relate to this struggle.

As much as we may struggle, the main point is that God must be praised and adored. Another thing we hate to admit is that none of this is really about us. It's still all about God. So no matter what the answer to the big question is, I am still commanded to continue following God. It wasn't time for me to go home to be with him yet, so I must continue doing what he commands me to do. If you catch yourself asking the question why, especially recently in the midst of all that is occurring in Haiti, realize you are not alone. Also realize we cannot remain at this question. We must move forward even when we aren't given the answer.

Prayers are answered in a huge way because my teammate Brook is leaving for Spain tomorrow! Pray that she'll have safe travel, and as she starts language study that it will come easy and naturally to her.

More prayers answered that I'm walking around the house more and more. Still using the walker for balance, but pray that these next few weeks I will no longer need it. Pray for strength in my ankles, and that my leg muscles become stronger.

Thanks for going to battle for me in prayer,
Taryn

Always ready to lift you guys up too! Let me know any requests taryneb@yahoo.com

I See It

It seems as though this week, I have quickly progressed from just standing to walking with my lovely walker. It is a fancy walker that my aunt and uncle had. It even came with tennis balls on the bottom of the legs! Even though sometimes it doesn't seem fast enough, my body is truly healing because of your prayers. I still lack some energy, and my body is still in the midst of the healing process, but it's amazing to watch prayers get answered.

The reason I know you all are praying for me is because I see it. I see it when we ask for everyone to pray for my right leg to catch up to the recovery of my left leg, and all of the sudden the swelling goes down drastically in that leg the next day. I also see it when I tell people I'm standing, and the prayers seem to quickly lift me on to walking. I see it when I ask people to pray for my energy, and it increases daily. Your prayers are lifting me up the the Healer, and he alone is healing me. I believe it would be a disservice to God for me to give the credit to anyone or anything else. By you interceding for me, you get to be a part of the amazing thing God is doing in my body. My hope is that you continue to pray for me long after I recover. I am desperate for your prayers everyday, and I'm going to be desperate for your prayers even when I'm in Spain.

It's so wonderful that we have a way to talk to our Heavenly Father, and that praying is what makes headway in the hearts of those who have yet to know about Christ. Please continue to pray for my healing, but more importantly pray for the immigrants in Spain that I'll get to work with. Pray that they'll come to know the Lord, and they'll come to understand how Christ has redeemed them. I can't wait to be in Spain and say that I know that people are praying because I see it. I desire to see the prayers lived out in front my eyes even more. I'm getting to see it now, and I can't wait to see it continue on around the world for the glory of God. My heart still aches to see his glory around the world.

Fierce Love

When asked to describe God's love many of us can think of some good descriptive words. We might say eternal, limitless, strong, perfect, unconditional, and many other things. We know what God's love is from experience, especially from salvation, and also from his word, the Bible. These past 7 weeks of recovery I have been able to see just the top of the ice berg of what God's love must be. And let me tell you, if this kind of love is just a small portion of what God's love is for us, then it's a love that I'm not sure if I can even comprehend.

One reason I feel like I can talk about love and truly understand it is because of the love I've been shown by my parents since my wreck. If anyone has met my parents you know that they are reliable, hardworking individuals who never do anything halfway. Not doing anything halfway also explains their love for each other and their love for my brother and me. The best way I can describe their love is that it is a FIERCE love. It's so fierce that they will do anything to protect the one they love, or they will do anything for the one they love.

When first hearing of my wreck one of my mom's initial concerns was that I would be asking for her and not understand why she wasn't with me. When I woke up Monday in the hospital bed not knowing what happened or where I really was, I never doubted in my mind that my mom and dad were going to be there. You see, when you've been shown the type of fierce love that I have been shown by my parents, you don't ever doubt them or wonder if they'll show up. You know they'll show up because that's what they do. And they do it as fast as they can. My parents have been relentless as they have cared for me. They rubbed my legs for hours in the hospital when my legs were cramping and hurting. They have held my hands and hugged me each night as they lift me up in prayer. They have been my cheerleaders and even the "tough coach" (whenever necessary) for me throughout all of this. All of these things hardly touch on the type of fierce love my parents have for me. It truly is a fierce love that I am so blessed to experience.

As I think about the fierce love that my parents have for me, I cannot imagine a love any stronger. Isn't it amazing though that there is a love stronger than all of that? It takes my breath away to even imagine that a stronger love could exist, but it does. Our heavenly Father has an even fiercer love for us. He does anything and everything so that he can be in a relationship with us. He is reliable and is always there for me. He is the healer and gives me relief in my pain. His word encourages me and spurs me on the the goal that is in sight. Since I know that this love exists that is even greater than the love that my parents have for me, I am humbled and I am required to share this fierce love and to tell people that it's their decision whether or not they accept this love or leave it.

Now if the love that God has given me through my parents is just a small taste of the love he has for me, why would I ever walk away from it? I can tell you that this is the love that carries us in the midst of our desperation.

He calls me forward,
Taryn

It's a Good Day

Throughout all of this I have been so blessed with so many good days. Most people get to hear about the good days because those are the days of victory that I so badly want to share with you all. Some days are not so good, and these are the days that I struggle with the Lord while still hearing him calling me onward through all of this. These are also the days that I cry when I think of being in Madrid, and I think of how badly my heart hurts to be there sharing with those people what true life in Jesus Christ is. Despite the days that I cry and no one else sees it, I think it's fairly humorous when people think I'm strong. I trust that the Lord must be making me strong. Isn't it amazing how the Lord carries us even when we're unaware? Isn't is also amazing that my heart so badly wants to share true life with others, and in a strange way I've been given the opportunity to do that with people here since my wreck?

God is absolutely good, and he knows what's best to bring his name fame and glory. So each day I have to choose his fame over my desires and wants. Most days I just pray that I have a small capacity to accept these recent events and the delay in going overseas. Today I do want to share my walking victory with you again by video in spite of some of those hard days that are still ahead. As you can see in the video and as stated in a previous blog I'm supposed to wear these large black boots for support (and of course for fashion... ugh, yeah right!). And also I was able to walk some without the boots. I could feel how weak I still was and that my calves and ankles have alot of work to do. Please pray that these will heal quickly so I can finish my training March 8-11 and be in Spain by the end of March. I'm hoping to upload a video of me walking for the first time. My parents were there with me, and at one point my mom says to me, "It's good day Taryn Elizabeth!" It really is a good day, isn't it?

Carried by your prayers,
Taryn

To Handicap or Not to Handicap?

So as many of you are aware, my main mode of transportation has been my wheelchair. I have some VERY exciting news that today at my physical therapy it was my first time to walk! I walked with these big black boots, which helps so my ankles don't get injured. I also walked on just my feet, which was quite a bit more difficult because there's not as much support. The point is that I walked! (even though the walker is still my friend) I was so encouraged today and felt like all of this will come to an end soon. Last night we prayed for the winter weather to not come, so I could do the physical therapy and also get my archbands removed this afternoon. I knew it was going to be difficult considering my prayers were battling against thousands of students hoping for one more snow day. But... God is good and heard my prayers!

So besides the little walking I've accomplished this side of recovery, I'm in that wheelchair most of the time. Now when we have to have the car door wide open, so I can transfer from the passenger seat to the wheelchair using a slide board, I considered how nice it would be to not worry about another car parking next to us. The reason being because I need that extra room now that I'm in a wheelchair! With that said I was so excited when we visited my primary care physician, and he asked if we needed a handicap tag for the time that I'm recovering. As he asked this question I started nodding my head yes, and my mom started nodding her head no. Now because my mother and I are so close, I know exactly what was going through her mind. She was thinking about how people abuse those handicap tags that hang on their rear view mirror. Then you see someone who genuinely needs it, and they can't get a parking spot because of the handicap tag abusers.

Well I am hear to tell you that I'm indeed in need! Not only for when I'm in this wheelchair, but especially when I'm walking more. Now my walking isn't up to speed just yet. I can just picture it now if we don't have this handicap tag... Mom and I are going into the grocery. I'm moving slow. She tells me to walk faster, but faster just isn't an option. Then she gets angry. She should have used the handicap tag. Okay, so maybe this is just a dramatization. Mom wouldn't actually get mad, but it sounded good for the sake of my argument! And besides, it's only for a few weeks! All of this to say, that my doctor saw a need and helped the need. We now have the capabilities to get one of those temporary tags, and we will be using, not abusing it. So if you see me around town, and there's a little handicap person hanging in my window, don't judge me. I'm just trying to be resourceful during my healing! So when asked the question to handicap or not to handicap, my answer is loud and clear. I say handicap!

Love you guys!

Taryn

Korean Prayers

Commissioning Dec. 10 with Brook

As my body keeps healing in big ways, I cannot help but to think of how many people must be lifting me up in prayer. I have recently been given clearance for standing. I have to put on these huge black boots (not fashionable) and use a walker for balance. Despite the hassle of these things I'm so thankful that I'm moving forward. Also these past few days my legs have drastically improved. My right leg (which had a lot more trauma to it than my left) is strangely catching up with my left leg. Also, all of the sudden the swelling in my legs is going down. As far as my jaw goes, it's also healing well. This Thursday my metal archbands will be taken out, so it will be nice to have that extra room in my mouth! My neck is feeling better and sometimes it and my knees are tight, but those things are improving as well. I have some large scars on my face and knees, but these are the least of my concerns in the midst of it all. I'm pushing on to finish some training in March, so please pray that I can make it then!

When I was at training, there were two Korean couples. One couple was older than the other, and they hardly knew any English at all. I have no idea how they were attentive in class because sometimes even though I could understand everything my mind would wander. Before my accident I had only said hello to this couple because a conversation wasn't exactly an option. After my wreck when my mom and I were at the training center for two weeks, I had more interaction with the older Korean man than I had my entire training before.

The first time he came up to me was after a cultural worship on Sunday night. I had really pushed to be awake and strong enough to go and be with everyone. After the worship was over the man came over to me, laid his hands on my shoulders, and started to pray with power in Korean. Debbie, who was sitting beside me, took my hand, and I closed my eyes. The entire night had been so emotional for me because it had been the first time I had even had the chance to sing to God since my wreck. It was no surprise to me that after this man had finished praying that I had tears running down my face. Debbie looked at me and said, "I have no idea what he said, but I want him to pray for me!" When you hear someone pray with this kind of power, it's impossible to think that our God does not hear us or that he doesn't care. I had a good feeling that God was REALLY hearing my Korean friend.

Every time the Korean man would see me after this night he would stop my mom and me, and he would pray for us. Even though I would never know what he was saying he would touch his hands on my head, my knees, my ankles, and also on my mom's head and would intercede for us in such a way that we would always have tears in our eyes. Most times he would have to say Amen very loud for me to know he was done praying. His prayers reminded me that language isn't quite the barrier that we think it is. Even though I didn't know exactly what he was saying, it was more than enough that someone was taking the time to pray over my family and me. It challenged me to take the time to stop and pray for people in need. How many times does someone tell us that they need us to pray for something, and we don't take the opportunity to lift them up right then and there? This Korean man didn't even need me to ask for prayers; he just knew that I needed them and prayed for me. I know that these Korean prayers were heard in heaven, and that all of your prayers are also heard. I get to experience your prayers each day in the way that my body is healing. Know that our God hears us in the most desperate times. Love to you all and as always, let me know how I can lift you up.

Taryn