My journey started with running, so the only thing that made sense was to finish my journey with running. I retraced the steps that I knew so well two years ago at the Virginia training center. The path and the track I always set out before myself to finish. Running 5-6 times a week had become normal those two years ago before my course changed. And I had to do it again. Despite my surgery a little over a month ago, I once again had something to prove. I had returned for debriefing, and this was my chance.
I slipped away, past the barn and past the gate. Then I ran. I located a mailbox as my goal to make it to, steadied my breath, and made a decision to finish strong. I smiled and reflected about the many times I had done this same run. The times before the Lord decided to break my body for his glory. And the time I even ran in Spain before my recent surgery.
You may think I'm crazy to have done this, but I had no choice. I smiled with joy, teared up as I reflected on the many times I ran without knowing why. The encounters I had with God. The people I had prayed for who at one time had no name or face, but now my mind regularly sees their faces while their names are on my lips in prayer. My legs resisted a lot less than I thought they would being freshly rewounded. Amazingly enough, it seems as though my surgery for the removal of the metal was the right choice. I laughed because I could tell I would run more in the future.
I thought of the people I began my journey with. The ones I came to deeply love. The ones I met along the way. And the ones I wished I could hug again and tell them how special they are. I counted my steps back as I had finished my run. I had run 341 steps (walking steps that is). I praised the Lord and knew without him none of the pain and heartache of the past two years would have been worth it.
I saw the entire story this time. One that began with a girl wanting to tell the world about Christ, and one that ends with a girl who was blessed to do just that. All the bumps in the road are weaved in between. The many lessons that I have learned along the way.
I decided to finish this one strong. The way the Bible tells us to. The beginning and middle are not mentioned, so there's something significant about the end. The end is when you are tired. Finished. Often times fed up. Which is all the more reason to run. It was so much more than a physical run. It projected clearly the way I was made as a daughter of the heavenly Father. He has made me his warrior and citizen of the kingdom of God. The person who wants to stand at the gates of hell telling people of his love before they step through. And the woman who at the end of the race can say, the suffering was worth it and fades in comparison to knowing the King of kings and Lord of lords.
Thank you Lord for letting me physically run today and for letting me finish the race that we started two years ago. You are faithful.
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Under the Knife... Again
My fears came true. I knew it was coming. I resisted. I hoped it wouldn't happen. I had cried over the prospect of this. But it all came down to the fact that I need more surgery to help with the swelling, pain, and discomfort I still face. You see, I still have these big ole metal rods and screws in my legs. This metal that once stabilized my very broken legs are no longer needed, and could actually be the source of the problems I still face. Some of the problems I still face are just a new reality for me.
We made the appointment for surgery. Mom and I got in the car and she turned to me asking how I was feeling. I had a decision to make. I could freak out. I could cry. I could throw a really great tantrum. But none of those things would help. I would have runny mascara, a red face, a flustered heart, and at the end of it all still be right where I started. So instead, I chose the peace of God that he so generously offers us. His peace that covers me in those moments of frustration and fear. I also told my mom that I'd be okay if she could get me to Sonic's happy hour for a diet vanilla coke. I think Sonic happy hour is God's gift to coke addicts who love great ice and flavour add ins.
Pray for me as I continue to face some of my fears with this entire ordeal: using a walker again, losing some of the progress I've made in the past two years, pain, and boredom as I heal.
My God is a big God, and nothing is too small for him. His love is constantly lavished on me. How blessed am I to have the medical care that I need? How blessed am I by a family who is right by my side and supports me every step of the way? Who am I to complain? Who am I to question God? We walk by faith and not by sight and surgeries and health concerns are no different. So I'm choosing the path that God sets out before me. I'm choosing to fall into his loving arms. He'll be there to catch me and comfort me. Thanks for your prayers. Thanks for walking alongside me continuously.
My surgery will be in a week, November 3 in the morning. I plan on healing quickly and being on my way in life :) We'll see what the Lord has in store.
In Him,
Taryn
We made the appointment for surgery. Mom and I got in the car and she turned to me asking how I was feeling. I had a decision to make. I could freak out. I could cry. I could throw a really great tantrum. But none of those things would help. I would have runny mascara, a red face, a flustered heart, and at the end of it all still be right where I started. So instead, I chose the peace of God that he so generously offers us. His peace that covers me in those moments of frustration and fear. I also told my mom that I'd be okay if she could get me to Sonic's happy hour for a diet vanilla coke. I think Sonic happy hour is God's gift to coke addicts who love great ice and flavour add ins.
Pray for me as I continue to face some of my fears with this entire ordeal: using a walker again, losing some of the progress I've made in the past two years, pain, and boredom as I heal.
My God is a big God, and nothing is too small for him. His love is constantly lavished on me. How blessed am I to have the medical care that I need? How blessed am I by a family who is right by my side and supports me every step of the way? Who am I to complain? Who am I to question God? We walk by faith and not by sight and surgeries and health concerns are no different. So I'm choosing the path that God sets out before me. I'm choosing to fall into his loving arms. He'll be there to catch me and comfort me. Thanks for your prayers. Thanks for walking alongside me continuously.
My surgery will be in a week, November 3 in the morning. I plan on healing quickly and being on my way in life :) We'll see what the Lord has in store.
In Him,
Taryn
Saturday, October 8, 2011
September/October Update
Home is Where the Heart is
My trip to France went well, and I cannot believe that it has come and gone. My last few months of my term have flown by, and the time has come to return home.
I have been reflecting a lot over my last 2 years. I do not think there are words to adequately encompass the magnitude of what I have seen and experienced. I have walked through fire and found that I was not alone, but God was with me. I have questioned my faith only to find it stronger and more refined. My character has changed and I stay up at night reflecting and wondering what it is the Lord is teaching me. I have stood at the gates of hell beckoning those around me to know my Savior. Most importantly, I have fallen even more in love with my Creator.
Reflecting can be good. Reflecting can be difficult and sad. I am walking away from so much, and walking away knowing that I must trust God with the relationships I have made. I must trust him with the souls that I constantly intercede for. I know that once I’m back in the States he will bring others into my life that I will have the urge to share the truth with.
So I coming home. I coming home to many questions without answers. I coming home to a home that really isn’t my home anymore. Maybe it never was. You see, I have struggled with this concept of where I belong. Desiring a home. Desiring of place to feel settled. But the Lord has shown me something quite different from this concept. I am not of this world. I am an alien and stranger. How can one feel at home when they are not of the land they are in? My citizenship is of the Kingdom of God. No other citizenship can I truly claim.
So what they say is true. Home is where the heart is. And the Bible clearly tells me to not “lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”
I know my treasure in Christ. My heart is with him. My citizenship is of his eternal kingdom. So until the day I see his face, I will feel restless. In the meantime I plan on making his name known. May we advance his kingdom. I can be okay knowing where my true home is as I return to my earthly home. For now.
Thank You
As I am wrapping things up, I cannot say thank you enough. Your encouragement from the beginning to the end have meant so much. I started out my journey excited and nervous, then I hit a rather large bump in the road (and a few more after that one) to finally returning home. Without your prayers I know I would have been lost. Without God’s guidance and love I would have forgotten in the midst of the craziness the true reason why I came to Spain.
Thank you for being prayer warriors for me and for allowing me to be a prayer warrior for you. As my time is over and this is my last newsletter, I would like to offer that if at anytime anyone needs prayer, please email me. I would love to continue to serve you in this way and act as the church is supposed to in “bearing one another’s burdens.”
Prayer reminds us that we are not alone. Thank you for being a part in teaching me this lesson.
I know this update is short, but I will be posting more on my blog (and already have) as I close things out. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
PRAYER REQUESTS
Transition home
any upcoming surgeries I may have
PRAISES
A blessed season of seeing God at work
Growth in my walk with the Lord
My trip to France went well, and I cannot believe that it has come and gone. My last few months of my term have flown by, and the time has come to return home.
I have been reflecting a lot over my last 2 years. I do not think there are words to adequately encompass the magnitude of what I have seen and experienced. I have walked through fire and found that I was not alone, but God was with me. I have questioned my faith only to find it stronger and more refined. My character has changed and I stay up at night reflecting and wondering what it is the Lord is teaching me. I have stood at the gates of hell beckoning those around me to know my Savior. Most importantly, I have fallen even more in love with my Creator.
Reflecting can be good. Reflecting can be difficult and sad. I am walking away from so much, and walking away knowing that I must trust God with the relationships I have made. I must trust him with the souls that I constantly intercede for. I know that once I’m back in the States he will bring others into my life that I will have the urge to share the truth with.
So I coming home. I coming home to many questions without answers. I coming home to a home that really isn’t my home anymore. Maybe it never was. You see, I have struggled with this concept of where I belong. Desiring a home. Desiring of place to feel settled. But the Lord has shown me something quite different from this concept. I am not of this world. I am an alien and stranger. How can one feel at home when they are not of the land they are in? My citizenship is of the Kingdom of God. No other citizenship can I truly claim.
So what they say is true. Home is where the heart is. And the Bible clearly tells me to not “lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”
I know my treasure in Christ. My heart is with him. My citizenship is of his eternal kingdom. So until the day I see his face, I will feel restless. In the meantime I plan on making his name known. May we advance his kingdom. I can be okay knowing where my true home is as I return to my earthly home. For now.
Thank You
As I am wrapping things up, I cannot say thank you enough. Your encouragement from the beginning to the end have meant so much. I started out my journey excited and nervous, then I hit a rather large bump in the road (and a few more after that one) to finally returning home. Without your prayers I know I would have been lost. Without God’s guidance and love I would have forgotten in the midst of the craziness the true reason why I came to Spain.
Thank you for being prayer warriors for me and for allowing me to be a prayer warrior for you. As my time is over and this is my last newsletter, I would like to offer that if at anytime anyone needs prayer, please email me. I would love to continue to serve you in this way and act as the church is supposed to in “bearing one another’s burdens.”
Prayer reminds us that we are not alone. Thank you for being a part in teaching me this lesson.
I know this update is short, but I will be posting more on my blog (and already have) as I close things out. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
PRAYER REQUESTS
Transition home
any upcoming surgeries I may have
PRAISES
A blessed season of seeing God at work
Growth in my walk with the Lord
Sunday, October 2, 2011
The Normal I Leave Behind
As my time is winding down in Spain it is interesting to think about the things that were once new and strange to me. Many of these things are part of my day to day life now, and as I head home it’s funny to think they are my new normal that I’ll be leaving in a few weeks. Some of these things are funny and others break my heart. Some of these things are little and others are big.
•on the way to therapy there is a man who is always on crutches who has a flower shop- he sits and studies music and makes the most beautiful sounds with his guitar. I always take out my head phones to listen. I pray for his injuries and that he finds comfort in my Christ.
•You greet to kiss one another. First to the left then to the right. One day I was in the elevator with a guy my age and introduced myself. He leaned forward for a kiss. I got nervous until I realized that since we had formally met, we greet one another with a kiss. I’m used to it now.
•Small elevators-please imagine this considering the previous comment
•Smoking laws have been passed in Spain where you can no longer smoke in bars or restaurants. Before I would regularly come home reeking of smoke.
•There is a man that always begs on the street where I am. I will not give money to beggars, but I will buy food or a meal if they are hungry. I do not always do that, but I do always acknowledge them as a person and say hi. He knows I won’t give him money so he has resorted to just greeting me back every time we see one another.
•Our doorman, Gregorio, has a very strong accent and at times it is impossible to understand him. I keep a mental tally: Taryn vs. Gregorio of the times that I understand and the times I do not. I think I’m finally catching up to him.
•Seeing somewhat famous people at physical therapy (bullfighters, newscasters, actors) and having no idea who they are since I’m not Spanish.
•Bus #1 which goes right by my house is the best bus in all of Madrid. It gets me home, to therapy, and down to the city center.
•I’m pretty sure I can navigate any public transportation now… I’ve done so in at least 10 cities in the past 2 years
•When waiting at a bus stop Spaniards keep a mental note of who was there first. Then they get on the bus according to that order. They yell if you do not follow it.
•Knowing that the bakeries in Spain have desserts that look good. The taste isn’t so great.
•Spaniards wait for you to cross the street at crosswalks. If they don’t follow the rules it’s completely appropriate to throw your hands up in the air and act angry. Sometimes you don’t have to act at all. You really are mad!
•Introducing chocolate chip cookies to my therapists and them being amazed at how wonderful they are.
•Learning to make peanut butter because buying it is super expensive and I felt very accomplished in doing this.
•Finding fresh milk and swearing that I’d never go back to the boxed milk you get off the shelf. Gotta make daddy proud.
•Language blunders never cease to be the most inappropriate things you could say. I won’t go into further detail.
•Going to Pablo and Carmen’s Bible study each Friday night for the past year and being amazed at how God’s word has shaped and changed the lives of those there. He answers their prayers and they are lavished by his love despite their circumstances.
•Early mornings are non-existent in Spain. The sun comes up around 8 and goes down as late as 10 pm.
•Missing some big things back home (Darren and Jeannine’s engagement party, friends’ weddings) and realizing life goes on without you. And that’s okay because my life has gone on as well.
•Knowing that because I choose to live away my time with you all this side of heaven may be limited. But we’ll have an eternity to catch up.
•Begging God for the salvation of my friends here and for people back home.
•Cooking and baking more than I ever thought possible. And liking it.
•Eating while walking or on public transportation is not seen and is somewhat inappropriate. You should see the looks you get.
•If you have a birthday and invite everyone out to eat, it’s the birthday person’s treat to everyone else.
•Mondays are apparently the best day for washing windows. All stores have people out cleaning the store front.
•Churros con chocolate-You get a mug of thick chocolate and dip these thick donuts like pastries in it. Very Spanish.
•The button for flushing a toilet is not on the side. It is on the top.
•Spaniards are all about the lottery. A lottery ticket is a common Christmas gift among friends.
•Spaniards tell me I’m blond. And I argue regularly with people that I have brown eyes not green. This would never be a question in the States.
•You see prostitutes on the highways and there is one street in the middle of the city center where prostitutes openly line up to work. My heart breaks every time I see the emptiness in their eyes.
•Getting excited when you hear English.
•Having a local restaurant/café where everyone knows who you are.
•Light switches are different. They are flat buttons.
•Spaniards conserve energy. In the metro unless someone is on the escalator and sets off the sensors it stops running. Same thing with lights.
•Letting my clothes air dry because clothes dryers are not common.
•I have not driven in a year and a half. I hope I remember how to get gas.
•Separate checks do not exist in Europe… you are constantly owing somebody money and trying to piece together your money to pay for your meal, café, etc. It’s like a puzzle.
•I have seen this side of the world. I have found it beautiful and charming with its intricacies and secrets to unveil. Yet not even the sites I’ve seen or the places I’ve been can fill my heart and give me purpose like knowing Christ does.
So here I go home! I go home to find yet another new normal. I find that it's okay I'm having to do that.
Onward,
Taryn
•on the way to therapy there is a man who is always on crutches who has a flower shop- he sits and studies music and makes the most beautiful sounds with his guitar. I always take out my head phones to listen. I pray for his injuries and that he finds comfort in my Christ.
•You greet to kiss one another. First to the left then to the right. One day I was in the elevator with a guy my age and introduced myself. He leaned forward for a kiss. I got nervous until I realized that since we had formally met, we greet one another with a kiss. I’m used to it now.
•Small elevators-please imagine this considering the previous comment
•Smoking laws have been passed in Spain where you can no longer smoke in bars or restaurants. Before I would regularly come home reeking of smoke.
•There is a man that always begs on the street where I am. I will not give money to beggars, but I will buy food or a meal if they are hungry. I do not always do that, but I do always acknowledge them as a person and say hi. He knows I won’t give him money so he has resorted to just greeting me back every time we see one another.
•Our doorman, Gregorio, has a very strong accent and at times it is impossible to understand him. I keep a mental tally: Taryn vs. Gregorio of the times that I understand and the times I do not. I think I’m finally catching up to him.
•Seeing somewhat famous people at physical therapy (bullfighters, newscasters, actors) and having no idea who they are since I’m not Spanish.
•Bus #1 which goes right by my house is the best bus in all of Madrid. It gets me home, to therapy, and down to the city center.
•I’m pretty sure I can navigate any public transportation now… I’ve done so in at least 10 cities in the past 2 years
•When waiting at a bus stop Spaniards keep a mental note of who was there first. Then they get on the bus according to that order. They yell if you do not follow it.
•Knowing that the bakeries in Spain have desserts that look good. The taste isn’t so great.
•Spaniards wait for you to cross the street at crosswalks. If they don’t follow the rules it’s completely appropriate to throw your hands up in the air and act angry. Sometimes you don’t have to act at all. You really are mad!
•Introducing chocolate chip cookies to my therapists and them being amazed at how wonderful they are.
•Learning to make peanut butter because buying it is super expensive and I felt very accomplished in doing this.
•Finding fresh milk and swearing that I’d never go back to the boxed milk you get off the shelf. Gotta make daddy proud.
•Language blunders never cease to be the most inappropriate things you could say. I won’t go into further detail.
•Going to Pablo and Carmen’s Bible study each Friday night for the past year and being amazed at how God’s word has shaped and changed the lives of those there. He answers their prayers and they are lavished by his love despite their circumstances.
•Early mornings are non-existent in Spain. The sun comes up around 8 and goes down as late as 10 pm.
•Missing some big things back home (Darren and Jeannine’s engagement party, friends’ weddings) and realizing life goes on without you. And that’s okay because my life has gone on as well.
•Knowing that because I choose to live away my time with you all this side of heaven may be limited. But we’ll have an eternity to catch up.
•Begging God for the salvation of my friends here and for people back home.
•Cooking and baking more than I ever thought possible. And liking it.
•Eating while walking or on public transportation is not seen and is somewhat inappropriate. You should see the looks you get.
•If you have a birthday and invite everyone out to eat, it’s the birthday person’s treat to everyone else.
•Mondays are apparently the best day for washing windows. All stores have people out cleaning the store front.
•Churros con chocolate-You get a mug of thick chocolate and dip these thick donuts like pastries in it. Very Spanish.
•The button for flushing a toilet is not on the side. It is on the top.
•Spaniards are all about the lottery. A lottery ticket is a common Christmas gift among friends.
•Spaniards tell me I’m blond. And I argue regularly with people that I have brown eyes not green. This would never be a question in the States.
•You see prostitutes on the highways and there is one street in the middle of the city center where prostitutes openly line up to work. My heart breaks every time I see the emptiness in their eyes.
•Getting excited when you hear English.
•Having a local restaurant/café where everyone knows who you are.
•Light switches are different. They are flat buttons.
•Spaniards conserve energy. In the metro unless someone is on the escalator and sets off the sensors it stops running. Same thing with lights.
•Letting my clothes air dry because clothes dryers are not common.
•I have not driven in a year and a half. I hope I remember how to get gas.
•Separate checks do not exist in Europe… you are constantly owing somebody money and trying to piece together your money to pay for your meal, café, etc. It’s like a puzzle.
•I have seen this side of the world. I have found it beautiful and charming with its intricacies and secrets to unveil. Yet not even the sites I’ve seen or the places I’ve been can fill my heart and give me purpose like knowing Christ does.
So here I go home! I go home to find yet another new normal. I find that it's okay I'm having to do that.
Onward,
Taryn
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Advice to my 15 year old self
Recently one of my good friends from highschool, Courtney, sent me a DVD of home videos of us from 8th grade through our senior year. Needless to say there was a little bit of everything! There was even some amazing footage of us playing percussion in the Jr. High band. And looking back you realize how glad you are that you made it out of those awkward years. Very awkward years.
There was footage of us talking about Golddusters, the dance squad we were on that took up most of our time throughout highschool. We talked about boys. We talked about life, marriage, food, what other people were doing, and just about anything you can imagine highschool girls talking about. Watching myself in these videos was really comical and interesting at the same time.
Looking back at my 15 year old self I am amazed at what has happened in my life these past 10 years. With that I think I would have some advice to give to myself or some things to tell myself to look forward to. Within these truths I have learned, I can see that they are not things life have taught me. They are things God has shown and revealed to me alone.
Do not delay your obedience. You will suffer the consequences even if you do eventually get around to do what God asked.
You will face trials. Prepare yourself. Your faith will be tried by fire. By the grace of God alone you will come through.
You will see the nations and yearn for their salvation.
You will live around the world. You will love it.
Excuses come fast. Ignore them and how Satan wants to distract from the things God has spoken to you.
Love well. You will encounter many you do not want to love, but you must
As soon as you say you don’t want to do something, God, seemingly and maybe with a little chuckle, will ask you to do just that. Be open at all times to his call. There are blessings in that.
Do not be tempted by the things of this world. Materialism is justified by the American dream and culture. Fight against that.
Responsibility will fall upon you that you do not want. You won’t know what to do unless you seek the Lord. Know he has given this to you expecting you to do great things for his kingdom.
Plunge into the Bible. When Satan attacks those scriptures will come to your mind to revive you.
God will show you things you never would imagine if only you’ll follow him.
You will understand what it means for God's heart and desires to become your own.
There is a seen and unseen war. Fight the good fight begging those around you to respond to the love of Christ.
Do not get weary of doing good.
The world will know you are a follower of Christ by how you love other followers and people who have yet to know of his love.
Thanks be to him for teaching me these lessons over the past ten years. And praise be to him the person he is shaping me to be. Pray that I continue to grow into these things and hold them as truth.
In Him,
Taryn
There was footage of us talking about Golddusters, the dance squad we were on that took up most of our time throughout highschool. We talked about boys. We talked about life, marriage, food, what other people were doing, and just about anything you can imagine highschool girls talking about. Watching myself in these videos was really comical and interesting at the same time.
Looking back at my 15 year old self I am amazed at what has happened in my life these past 10 years. With that I think I would have some advice to give to myself or some things to tell myself to look forward to. Within these truths I have learned, I can see that they are not things life have taught me. They are things God has shown and revealed to me alone.
Do not delay your obedience. You will suffer the consequences even if you do eventually get around to do what God asked.
You will face trials. Prepare yourself. Your faith will be tried by fire. By the grace of God alone you will come through.
You will see the nations and yearn for their salvation.
You will live around the world. You will love it.
Excuses come fast. Ignore them and how Satan wants to distract from the things God has spoken to you.
Love well. You will encounter many you do not want to love, but you must
As soon as you say you don’t want to do something, God, seemingly and maybe with a little chuckle, will ask you to do just that. Be open at all times to his call. There are blessings in that.
Do not be tempted by the things of this world. Materialism is justified by the American dream and culture. Fight against that.
Responsibility will fall upon you that you do not want. You won’t know what to do unless you seek the Lord. Know he has given this to you expecting you to do great things for his kingdom.
Plunge into the Bible. When Satan attacks those scriptures will come to your mind to revive you.
God will show you things you never would imagine if only you’ll follow him.
You will understand what it means for God's heart and desires to become your own.
There is a seen and unseen war. Fight the good fight begging those around you to respond to the love of Christ.
Do not get weary of doing good.
The world will know you are a follower of Christ by how you love other followers and people who have yet to know of his love.
Thanks be to him for teaching me these lessons over the past ten years. And praise be to him the person he is shaping me to be. Pray that I continue to grow into these things and hold them as truth.
In Him,
Taryn
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Counting the Victories
I've hit another wall. The weather is changing and my body is making me fully aware of that. Pain is near and my body feels worn down. On the days when I'm overwhelmed at how I am continually affected by this accident that shook my body, I have to count the victories. It's the only way I can keep my head up when I feel like I am taking steps backwards. These are just a few of the victories, granted by my Father God, I have had since the beginning:
Waking up in a hospital bed and knowing I'd be okay
Learning how to move myself from a hospital bed to a wheelchair.
Forcing myself to eat (initially liquids) so that my body would get strong.
Sharing the Gospel with hospital workers and telling my hospital roommate that I would pray for her.
Talking through a wired jaw.
Talking in Spanish through a wired jaw.
A release from the hospital.
Learning how to bend my knees again.
Learning how to give myself shots for 2 times a day for 2 months. And saying goodbye to the shots and the bruises they left on my body.
Rolling over in my bed with bandaged legs.
Convincing everyone that I still needed the job and Spain and God graciously allowing me to keep it.
Watching bruises fade away from my arms and face and even now watching the final bruises on my legs fade.
Riding home for 18 hours in a medical transport (it was more like being bumped up and down for 18 hours in the back of a cattle truck)without getting sick. Imagine what problems could've caused with a mouth wired shut.
Facing the shock of people's faces who didn't know me and letting it roll off my back. I didn't look so hot for awhile.
Getting my mouth unwired and hearing my voice for the first time in 6 weeks. Seeing the tears of joy in my mother's eyes as she heard my voice for the first time as well.
Two of my best friends, Christy and Kate, visiting me and watching me eat a soft cookie for the very first food I had eaten since the accident (after my mouth was unwired)
Going to Christmas Eve service with my family even though I was exhausted. Crying at the beauty of the song O Come, O Come Emmanuel and feeling humbled that I should get to sing it.
Sitting on the couch Christmas day.Before this I couldn't transfer myself from my wheelchair to any other chairs. My dad had to lift me to the couch.
Sneaking myself and my wheelchair into my bedroom. Later my dad moved my dressers out of the doorway so I could get in and out.
Maneuvering around the kitchen one afternoon unloading the dishwasher to prove to myself that I could do something small and useful.
Using the sink in my bathroom to practice standing before anyone told me I could get out of my wheelchair.
Walking for the first time.
Saying goodbye to the hospital bed/ makeshift hospital room in our house and finally moving into my bedroom.
Learning to walk around the house with a walker.
Learning to walk around the house without the balance of a walker.
Never having to use a cane. I just couldn’t bring myself to allow that to happen.
Learning to walk up and down stairs.
Learning to bounce on a trampoline.
Wearing normal shoes when the swelling went down enough.
The sores on my legs from the swelling healing, finally.
Going to bed without needing to keep the walker by my bedside.
Waking up and being able to take medicine on my own during the night.
Learning to pray for my friends around the world when the pain kept me up at night.
Praying in battle with my mom and dad every night.
Getting rid of that dumb walker.
Sharing my story of God's work with different churches and youth.
Going to therapy 3 times a week for several hours each session. Making my body my slave each time.
Going to the Hispanic ministry at church every Wednesday and Sunday to learn Spanish.
One Sunday telling my mom I didn't want to go to church or to the Spanish service. She told me if I didn't care enough about learning Spanish I should reconsider if I should really be doing the job I was working to go and do. I sat in my bathroom. Pouted and cried. Then told myself to suck it up and rolled out in my little wheelchair to go to church and to learn Spanish. Victory.
Losing tons of my hair and reminding myself it was a good thing God gave me thick hair.
Finishing some training in VA in March. My first big trip on my own in the airport and all.
Walking around Walmart for about 45 minutes.
Driving for the first time.
Being able to sleep on my belly.
Going to the farm with Dad.
Going to Spain only to get stuck because of a volcano in Munich.
Arriving 5 days later in Spain.
Facing the walking and stairs every day in Spain.
Living with cankles and telling myself that they are cute.
Feeling like I lost my personality in the pain and then realizing who I am is in Christ alone.
Crying out to God and Him answering me.
Hearing people pray for me in moments of despair and God lifting the pain in those moments.
In moments when my legs were too tired to go on feeling someone step into my legs and walk for me.
Having the ability to share God loves with my therapists in Spain. I would not have access to them without my injuries.
Accepting that God's victories and how he has used me these past several months has been about him. Not about me.
Learning perseverance.
Learning patience.
Realizing I'm not alone in a battle like this.
Knowing that I can rest in where God has me even though Satan would like me to put more pressure on myself than necessary.
Gaining a platform that is suffering that allows me to speak into people's lives. Somehow we listen better to those who have hurt.
Running and it hurting like you know what. But doing it anyways.
Seeing that God's reign is not limited by any schemes of the devil in which he would have us be discouraged and believe that God has left us.
He who has begun a good work in me will finish it. AMEN!
I know I have so many more victories than this. This list skims over a few that I have seen and remember. Somehow it feels good to reflect on God's faithfulness within each and every victory. However small or large. I fall at the feet of the victorious king I will always worship.
Standing (literally and figuratively) in His Victory,
Taryn
Waking up in a hospital bed and knowing I'd be okay
Learning how to move myself from a hospital bed to a wheelchair.
Forcing myself to eat (initially liquids) so that my body would get strong.
Sharing the Gospel with hospital workers and telling my hospital roommate that I would pray for her.
Talking through a wired jaw.
Talking in Spanish through a wired jaw.
A release from the hospital.
Learning how to bend my knees again.
Learning how to give myself shots for 2 times a day for 2 months. And saying goodbye to the shots and the bruises they left on my body.
Rolling over in my bed with bandaged legs.
Convincing everyone that I still needed the job and Spain and God graciously allowing me to keep it.
Watching bruises fade away from my arms and face and even now watching the final bruises on my legs fade.
Riding home for 18 hours in a medical transport (it was more like being bumped up and down for 18 hours in the back of a cattle truck)without getting sick. Imagine what problems could've caused with a mouth wired shut.
Facing the shock of people's faces who didn't know me and letting it roll off my back. I didn't look so hot for awhile.
Getting my mouth unwired and hearing my voice for the first time in 6 weeks. Seeing the tears of joy in my mother's eyes as she heard my voice for the first time as well.
Two of my best friends, Christy and Kate, visiting me and watching me eat a soft cookie for the very first food I had eaten since the accident (after my mouth was unwired)
Going to Christmas Eve service with my family even though I was exhausted. Crying at the beauty of the song O Come, O Come Emmanuel and feeling humbled that I should get to sing it.
Sitting on the couch Christmas day.Before this I couldn't transfer myself from my wheelchair to any other chairs. My dad had to lift me to the couch.
Sneaking myself and my wheelchair into my bedroom. Later my dad moved my dressers out of the doorway so I could get in and out.
Maneuvering around the kitchen one afternoon unloading the dishwasher to prove to myself that I could do something small and useful.
Using the sink in my bathroom to practice standing before anyone told me I could get out of my wheelchair.
Walking for the first time.
Saying goodbye to the hospital bed/ makeshift hospital room in our house and finally moving into my bedroom.
Learning to walk around the house with a walker.
Learning to walk around the house without the balance of a walker.
Never having to use a cane. I just couldn’t bring myself to allow that to happen.
Learning to walk up and down stairs.
Learning to bounce on a trampoline.
Wearing normal shoes when the swelling went down enough.
The sores on my legs from the swelling healing, finally.
Going to bed without needing to keep the walker by my bedside.
Waking up and being able to take medicine on my own during the night.
Learning to pray for my friends around the world when the pain kept me up at night.
Praying in battle with my mom and dad every night.
Getting rid of that dumb walker.
Sharing my story of God's work with different churches and youth.
Going to therapy 3 times a week for several hours each session. Making my body my slave each time.
Going to the Hispanic ministry at church every Wednesday and Sunday to learn Spanish.
One Sunday telling my mom I didn't want to go to church or to the Spanish service. She told me if I didn't care enough about learning Spanish I should reconsider if I should really be doing the job I was working to go and do. I sat in my bathroom. Pouted and cried. Then told myself to suck it up and rolled out in my little wheelchair to go to church and to learn Spanish. Victory.
Losing tons of my hair and reminding myself it was a good thing God gave me thick hair.
Finishing some training in VA in March. My first big trip on my own in the airport and all.
Walking around Walmart for about 45 minutes.
Driving for the first time.
Being able to sleep on my belly.
Going to the farm with Dad.
Going to Spain only to get stuck because of a volcano in Munich.
Arriving 5 days later in Spain.
Facing the walking and stairs every day in Spain.
Living with cankles and telling myself that they are cute.
Feeling like I lost my personality in the pain and then realizing who I am is in Christ alone.
Crying out to God and Him answering me.
Hearing people pray for me in moments of despair and God lifting the pain in those moments.
In moments when my legs were too tired to go on feeling someone step into my legs and walk for me.
Having the ability to share God loves with my therapists in Spain. I would not have access to them without my injuries.
Accepting that God's victories and how he has used me these past several months has been about him. Not about me.
Learning perseverance.
Learning patience.
Realizing I'm not alone in a battle like this.
Knowing that I can rest in where God has me even though Satan would like me to put more pressure on myself than necessary.
Gaining a platform that is suffering that allows me to speak into people's lives. Somehow we listen better to those who have hurt.
Running and it hurting like you know what. But doing it anyways.
Seeing that God's reign is not limited by any schemes of the devil in which he would have us be discouraged and believe that God has left us.
He who has begun a good work in me will finish it. AMEN!
I know I have so many more victories than this. This list skims over a few that I have seen and remember. Somehow it feels good to reflect on God's faithfulness within each and every victory. However small or large. I fall at the feet of the victorious king I will always worship.
Standing (literally and figuratively) in His Victory,
Taryn
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
August Update
This is No Coincidence
The trip to Germany went well, but was very different from Italy. Immigrants that are in Germany MUST have their legal documents because without them you cannot stay in Germany.
Everything was very orderly as expected, and Brook, Parker, and I felt a little funny blending in with everyone around us. We could’ve easily been German and people would even go up to Brook and speak German to her! We just laughed.
While we were in Stuttgart learning about Spanish speaking churches, we met up with one of Brook’s friends from Arkansas who is working at the International Baptist Church there. Through his group of friends we met a Mexican girl my age who is working and studying in Germany.
We shared what our work was about– finding Latinos, evangelizing them, and then mobilizing them to other immigrant populations. She got it. She’s doing it.
My friend, K, actively shares the Gospel with her Muslim friends and is always looking for ways in which she can tell them about Christ. We had an amazing conversation about her friends and how they have even said she could be from their home countries because of her darker skin color. In some ways they are even culturally similar. Go figure, right?
The beauty of these similarities is that they are comfortable with her. She loves them deeply.
We talked more about her relationships and she shared with me that she was at her wit’s end with sharing with her friends. I got very excited because I told her I have resources in Spanish explaining ways to share the Gospel with Muslims and how to point them to Christ.
After I emailed her these resources she told me that this was the answer she had been waiting for!
What’s even more crazy is that as we were talking and sharing about our life we discovered that we both had been in accidents about 2 years ago that have required intense recovery and continues to affect us..She looked at me in the midst of this and said this is no coincidence! Our meeting each other was not by chance.
I had been praying for God to show me how big he is. He showed me a friend who needed a way to share the Gospel with her friends who badly need to hear it.
God is moving among his people. He is going before us and working in ways we cannot imagine. With our God there aren’t coincidences. We discover that his fingerprints are all over lives.
He Must Be Looking For You
At our hotel in Germany we made friends with the receptionists. They were around our age and had really excellent English. One girl in particular, K, was especially open to us and sought us out to talk with her. So of course we did.
We shared what our job was. We shared about how God has worked in each of our lives. We shared how we’ve seen him work in the lives of others. It was amazing because she listened intently.
One evening Brook and I were able to share in depth about Christ and the things of the Bible with her. She listened. She had questions, so we talked through that.
She told us she had been attending a Bible study at a German church, but she had so many questions. She said whenever she was there she could feel the darkness pulling her away. She has since stopped going.
As she was explaining this, I felt the urge to tell her how much God loves her. I said, “You know how much he loves you? He loves you so much, K! He loves you enough to send us here to talk to you about him. He must be
looking for you since we are here having this conversation right now.”
Her crystal blue eyes lit up and a sweet smile changed her entire countenance. “Yeah?” she asked. Then she told us that she is waiting to hear from him. We told her we’d pray for her to hear from him in a powerful way. We encouraged her to read the Bible because we know he talks to us through his Word.
Please pray for my friend. Pray that God speaks to her so clearly and that she receives the message of his love and salvation. Pray that she reads the Bible and especially that the spiritual darkness will stay away from her. She reminds me how we only see a portion of the battle that wages. Her soul is at stake, We must intercede for her!
Prayer Requests
For the Trailblazer team– preparation for France– September 18-30
My legs-swelling to be minimal/ for my tendon to not be painful
For my friends who help me at therapy
For the people (believers and non believers )we met in Germany
Praises!
My continued improvement
The good relationships made on the Germany trip
I only have a month and a half left in Spain before I’ll be home!
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Keeping the Silence
I returned home from Germany this past Tuesday. Exhausted. My body was tired throughout the trip, then I'd get angry at it and push it further. When Brook and Parker would slow down for me I would throw my arms in the air waving them on. No way I want anyone waiting on me. My legs were aching. Knees were stiff. Emotionally and spiritually I was done. My fellow team members and I had been together for almost 2 weeks straight. I was ready to not see anyone even though I love Brook and Parker. I felt like hitting my head against the wall because the trip had been slower than Italy, even though God had some very important contacts we made. God had also been speaking to me about some really difficult things. In the midst of all of that I was just done. Emotionally and spiritually raw. Physically finished.
I got on the plane almost in tears because of the wall I was hitting. I'm pushing the two year mark of my accident and I can't believe my body still can feel this way. I told God that I just needed a flight without any complications. No talking to anyone. I put in my headphones and decided to disappear into the music.
My seat was the middle leaving the window seat open since Brook was in the aisle. "Oh Lord, please leave this seat open," I prayed. Then a Spanish girl came to claim her seat. She sat down talking on her phone and I could tell something was wrong. She hung up her phone and turned her face away from me. She put in her headphones. At first I could see her shoulders subtly shaking. Then I could see the tears streaming down her face. My heart started to hurt for her. I felt my stomach start to sink. I couldn't ignore her.
We find excuses. I found mine immediately. It's been about 2 weeks since I've had a good Spanish conversation. Oh, Spaniards aren't willing to talk about spiritual things because it's super private. It's none of my business. She'll be fine eventually. I put in and took out my headphones a million times trying to decide what I was going to do. All I wanted was silence. Didn't God realize that this was not the best time to send someone in my path for me to talk to? I'm on the verge of tears myself!
I had a decision to make. And I knew that because I care I couldn't let her sit by me and cry. I knew because I have the best news in the world to share with her that I couldn't keep it from her. I tapped her on the shoulder her and asked her if she needed anything. She smiled and said no. I then smiled and told her I didn't know what happened, but if she needed someone to talk to I could listen. We spent the next hour and a half talking. We talked about where we are from, our jobs, and our family. Most importantly I reached over to her, touched her arm, and told her that God loves her. That he loves the people and immigrants that I search for in my job. That I didn't believe Jesus came to this earth just to deal with the spiritual. He deals with our physical, emotional, and mental needs. He loves of deeply and wants a relationship with us.
She gave me the most sincere smile and for a moment her eyes lit up. She told me that I had a beautiful heart. Funny how my heart is actually very selfish in that I tried to talk myself out of sharing God's love with her. I contemplated keeping the silence. Then ashamed of myself I had to face some questions for my already raw, worn down heart. WHO AM I TO WITHHOLD THIS BEAUTIFUL NEWS OF GOD'S LOVE? Who do I think I am? How insolent can one be to not share this message?
She heard the news of Christ. She was told she was loved. Pray for Carmen. Pray that she accepts this message and that it forever changes her life. We exchanged emails, and after talking about American food I told her I'd send her a recipe for biscuits and gravy. She was amazed that there was a different type of gravy for breakfast. I cannot withhold this important message either :) She repeatedly thanked me for talking with her. I'm not sure when I've seen someone so sad and a few minutes later see their eyes light up at someone taking an interest in them. God's love truly captures our hearts.
Pray for someone else to cross paths with her and confirm this message. Pray that she considers the news I've told her and realizes this beautiful love is for her. Pray for my selfish heart and that I realize that keeping the silence is never an option when the world is dying to know the love of my Christ.
Never Silent,
Taryn
Once again my Isaiah chapters speak to me:
1 For Zion’s sake I will not keep silent,
for Jerusalem’s sake I will not remain quiet,
till her vindication shines out like the dawn,
her salvation like a blazing torch.
2 The nations will see your vindication,
and all kings your glory;
you will be called by a new name
that the mouth of the LORD will bestow.
3 You will be a crown of splendor in the LORD’s hand,
a royal diadem in the hand of your God.
Isaiah 62:1-3
I got on the plane almost in tears because of the wall I was hitting. I'm pushing the two year mark of my accident and I can't believe my body still can feel this way. I told God that I just needed a flight without any complications. No talking to anyone. I put in my headphones and decided to disappear into the music.
My seat was the middle leaving the window seat open since Brook was in the aisle. "Oh Lord, please leave this seat open," I prayed. Then a Spanish girl came to claim her seat. She sat down talking on her phone and I could tell something was wrong. She hung up her phone and turned her face away from me. She put in her headphones. At first I could see her shoulders subtly shaking. Then I could see the tears streaming down her face. My heart started to hurt for her. I felt my stomach start to sink. I couldn't ignore her.
We find excuses. I found mine immediately. It's been about 2 weeks since I've had a good Spanish conversation. Oh, Spaniards aren't willing to talk about spiritual things because it's super private. It's none of my business. She'll be fine eventually. I put in and took out my headphones a million times trying to decide what I was going to do. All I wanted was silence. Didn't God realize that this was not the best time to send someone in my path for me to talk to? I'm on the verge of tears myself!
I had a decision to make. And I knew that because I care I couldn't let her sit by me and cry. I knew because I have the best news in the world to share with her that I couldn't keep it from her. I tapped her on the shoulder her and asked her if she needed anything. She smiled and said no. I then smiled and told her I didn't know what happened, but if she needed someone to talk to I could listen. We spent the next hour and a half talking. We talked about where we are from, our jobs, and our family. Most importantly I reached over to her, touched her arm, and told her that God loves her. That he loves the people and immigrants that I search for in my job. That I didn't believe Jesus came to this earth just to deal with the spiritual. He deals with our physical, emotional, and mental needs. He loves of deeply and wants a relationship with us.
She gave me the most sincere smile and for a moment her eyes lit up. She told me that I had a beautiful heart. Funny how my heart is actually very selfish in that I tried to talk myself out of sharing God's love with her. I contemplated keeping the silence. Then ashamed of myself I had to face some questions for my already raw, worn down heart. WHO AM I TO WITHHOLD THIS BEAUTIFUL NEWS OF GOD'S LOVE? Who do I think I am? How insolent can one be to not share this message?
She heard the news of Christ. She was told she was loved. Pray for Carmen. Pray that she accepts this message and that it forever changes her life. We exchanged emails, and after talking about American food I told her I'd send her a recipe for biscuits and gravy. She was amazed that there was a different type of gravy for breakfast. I cannot withhold this important message either :) She repeatedly thanked me for talking with her. I'm not sure when I've seen someone so sad and a few minutes later see their eyes light up at someone taking an interest in them. God's love truly captures our hearts.
Pray for someone else to cross paths with her and confirm this message. Pray that she considers the news I've told her and realizes this beautiful love is for her. Pray for my selfish heart and that I realize that keeping the silence is never an option when the world is dying to know the love of my Christ.
Never Silent,
Taryn
Once again my Isaiah chapters speak to me:
1 For Zion’s sake I will not keep silent,
for Jerusalem’s sake I will not remain quiet,
till her vindication shines out like the dawn,
her salvation like a blazing torch.
2 The nations will see your vindication,
and all kings your glory;
you will be called by a new name
that the mouth of the LORD will bestow.
3 You will be a crown of splendor in the LORD’s hand,
a royal diadem in the hand of your God.
Isaiah 62:1-3
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
You're an Oak
I am looking towards the future. This is totally in my personality. Being type A I not only have Plan A, but I have B, C, and D lined up as well. As I look to going home in 2 months and a few days, I have absolutely no plans. I honestly tried to make some great plans. I came up with the idea of going to seminary, going for another Masters, pursuing career missions, or just staying in Europe. I was begging God to give me a direction or a vision. I have a vision, but I hear the Lord telling me to stop for a little bit.
Stopping is not what I do! However, EVERYONE that I have sought advice from as I look to my future has given me the same advice. Slow down. Rest. Let your body heal. Take your time. It has never occurred to me to take my time doing anything. I want to face the world at full force. And that is exactly what I've done. Quite frankly I have worn myself out doing this. I'm coming home to the possibilities of more surgeries. My body is STILL healing. My reality is I need to slow down.
So this is me being obedient. Slowing down sounds like the worst idea in the world to me, but I have to. I have realized that I need this time to be in Arkansas. I need this time near my family. My family needs this time with me. My brother is getting married, and I want to spend time getting to know him and Jeannine as a couple. I want to reacquaint myself with my world as it is in the States. We all know that it won't be long before I jet off again. But this season is for resting. It's for healing. I gave God a timeline (I'm sure He's cracking up at my best attempts at controlling my "sabbatical") and this timeline is a year to a year and a half. In His mercies, I know He is considering this of me, so that I don't go crazy waiting and resting. But then after this rest, I must go again.
Go where? I don't know. With whom will I go? I'll find out. How? Only He knows. When? Um, remember? I told God a year to a year and half (I pray that it's no longer!) I think He loves me not knowing, and I love relinquishing this control to Him.
Until recently I didn't realize how badly I need this break that's coming up. I do know one thing. Something big is coming. A few months ago, God used Isaiah 61 and 62 to speak clearly to me. I had been almost obsessively pouring over Isaiah in the days previous to this very clear encounter with God. I'm not sure why, but I had been reading this book each day all day long. During this time I had to have a difficult conversation with someone. I shared this experience with my friend Amy, and she looked at me and said, "You're an oak."
I smiled because I hadn't heard that expression before, but I knew what it meant. She was kind to say that and was being an encouraging friend. That same night I came across Isaiah 61 and these verses have set the stage for what this next season of life will be like for me and what my life will be like. The chapter starts off:
The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor and the day of vengeance of our God to comfort all who mourn and provide for those who grieve in Zion- to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called OAKS of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor.
The same night my friend called me an oak is the same night the Lord calls me an oak and spoke to me through these chapters. I will be a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor! Hallelujah! Amen! How lovely is that? I will preach freedom to the captives! This will be the year of the Lord's favor! Now, I have no idea what that will mean. But I have felt the Lord saying, you have walked through fire. I haven't left you. You are my beloved, enter Isaiah 62:4-5:
No longer will they call you Deserted, or name your land Desolate. But you will be called Hephzibah, and your land Beulah; for the Lord will take delight in you, and your land will be married. As a young man marries a maiden, so will your sons marry you; as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride, so will your God rejoice over you.
This is the time of His favor. It may be in something so small that only I will know it or understand it. Or it may be huge in the eyes of all to see how wonderful my Father is. All I know is that it's coming. And I'm waiting expectantly as a bride waits for her groom. I have this excitement which is crazy since I know I am entering a time of rest. I have this great burning in my soul even though my soul burns most brightly when I am at work and busy. I can't explain it, but it's upon me. So I am waiting. The thing I'm the worst at. I'm allowing myself to finish in Spain strong, but recognizing I must rest and heal some more as I prepare for home. And I'm getting excited.
My Lord loves me, never leaves me, delights in me, finds me lovely, uses me for His glory and splendor, and lets me live the most exciting adventure there is: following Him.
Pray for me as I wait. Pray for me as I face health concerns and as I look towards jobs as I heal. I am facing some very practical things as I return, but for right now I'm dreaming about the possibilities He has before me. He's the only one I can share my wildest dreams with and lay these things at His beautiful feet.
I know some people challenge whether Song of Songs can be about a husband and a wife, but also about our relationship with God. I think it can be both in different ways. Who else knows us more intimately than God? So I believe the intimacy of this book can be used to describe our relationship with Him. I do know that He spoke to me once again this past week using this book:
My lover spoke and said to me, "Arise my darling, my beautiful one, and come with me. See! The winter is past; the rains are over and gone. Flowers appear on the earth; the season of singing has come, the cooing of doves is heard in our land. The fig tree forms its early fruit; the blossoming vines spread their fragrance. Arise, come my darling; my beautiful one, come with me."
Song of Songs 2:10-13
He beckons me. I must arise and go to Him.
Taryn
Stopping is not what I do! However, EVERYONE that I have sought advice from as I look to my future has given me the same advice. Slow down. Rest. Let your body heal. Take your time. It has never occurred to me to take my time doing anything. I want to face the world at full force. And that is exactly what I've done. Quite frankly I have worn myself out doing this. I'm coming home to the possibilities of more surgeries. My body is STILL healing. My reality is I need to slow down.
So this is me being obedient. Slowing down sounds like the worst idea in the world to me, but I have to. I have realized that I need this time to be in Arkansas. I need this time near my family. My family needs this time with me. My brother is getting married, and I want to spend time getting to know him and Jeannine as a couple. I want to reacquaint myself with my world as it is in the States. We all know that it won't be long before I jet off again. But this season is for resting. It's for healing. I gave God a timeline (I'm sure He's cracking up at my best attempts at controlling my "sabbatical") and this timeline is a year to a year and a half. In His mercies, I know He is considering this of me, so that I don't go crazy waiting and resting. But then after this rest, I must go again.
Go where? I don't know. With whom will I go? I'll find out. How? Only He knows. When? Um, remember? I told God a year to a year and half (I pray that it's no longer!) I think He loves me not knowing, and I love relinquishing this control to Him.
Until recently I didn't realize how badly I need this break that's coming up. I do know one thing. Something big is coming. A few months ago, God used Isaiah 61 and 62 to speak clearly to me. I had been almost obsessively pouring over Isaiah in the days previous to this very clear encounter with God. I'm not sure why, but I had been reading this book each day all day long. During this time I had to have a difficult conversation with someone. I shared this experience with my friend Amy, and she looked at me and said, "You're an oak."
I smiled because I hadn't heard that expression before, but I knew what it meant. She was kind to say that and was being an encouraging friend. That same night I came across Isaiah 61 and these verses have set the stage for what this next season of life will be like for me and what my life will be like. The chapter starts off:
The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor and the day of vengeance of our God to comfort all who mourn and provide for those who grieve in Zion- to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called OAKS of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor.
The same night my friend called me an oak is the same night the Lord calls me an oak and spoke to me through these chapters. I will be a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor! Hallelujah! Amen! How lovely is that? I will preach freedom to the captives! This will be the year of the Lord's favor! Now, I have no idea what that will mean. But I have felt the Lord saying, you have walked through fire. I haven't left you. You are my beloved, enter Isaiah 62:4-5:
No longer will they call you Deserted, or name your land Desolate. But you will be called Hephzibah, and your land Beulah; for the Lord will take delight in you, and your land will be married. As a young man marries a maiden, so will your sons marry you; as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride, so will your God rejoice over you.
This is the time of His favor. It may be in something so small that only I will know it or understand it. Or it may be huge in the eyes of all to see how wonderful my Father is. All I know is that it's coming. And I'm waiting expectantly as a bride waits for her groom. I have this excitement which is crazy since I know I am entering a time of rest. I have this great burning in my soul even though my soul burns most brightly when I am at work and busy. I can't explain it, but it's upon me. So I am waiting. The thing I'm the worst at. I'm allowing myself to finish in Spain strong, but recognizing I must rest and heal some more as I prepare for home. And I'm getting excited.
My Lord loves me, never leaves me, delights in me, finds me lovely, uses me for His glory and splendor, and lets me live the most exciting adventure there is: following Him.
Pray for me as I wait. Pray for me as I face health concerns and as I look towards jobs as I heal. I am facing some very practical things as I return, but for right now I'm dreaming about the possibilities He has before me. He's the only one I can share my wildest dreams with and lay these things at His beautiful feet.
I know some people challenge whether Song of Songs can be about a husband and a wife, but also about our relationship with God. I think it can be both in different ways. Who else knows us more intimately than God? So I believe the intimacy of this book can be used to describe our relationship with Him. I do know that He spoke to me once again this past week using this book:
My lover spoke and said to me, "Arise my darling, my beautiful one, and come with me. See! The winter is past; the rains are over and gone. Flowers appear on the earth; the season of singing has come, the cooing of doves is heard in our land. The fig tree forms its early fruit; the blossoming vines spread their fragrance. Arise, come my darling; my beautiful one, come with me."
Song of Songs 2:10-13
He beckons me. I must arise and go to Him.
Taryn
Thursday, July 28, 2011
July Update
If She Doesn't Dance With Me I'll Die Anyways
Manuel has the freedom that we as Americans do not have. Interesting statement since we pride ourselves of being from the land of the free and the home of the brave.
Manuel can share the Gospel and does so unashamedly at his work. Not only with co-workers but with the customers at the Peruvian restaurant where he works in Milan, Italy.
He has only been a believer for 8 months, but his world has been changed for an eternity. After a strong encounter with the Lord, he has seen time and time again the Lord move in his life.
So his burning in his heart overflows into his life. He wants others to know about Christ, so he does exactly what we all should be doing. He tells the story of Christ to everyone he encounters. He has even shared the Gospel with a drunken man outside the restaurant one night and told us that this man fell into his arms crying after Manuel told him that God loves him.
The night we ate at Manuel’s restaurant there was live music and dancing. We were the only non Latinos in the restaurant, so naturally we stuck out a little bit.
One man who had been drinking a little too much, after being encouraged by the singer, came over and asked me to dance with him. I politely refused, but he harmlessly kept on.
Manuel interceded and began to tell this man about the love of God and how one day he’d die and he needed to know where he was going.
Cleverly, the man stated, “But if she doesn’t dance with my I’ll die anyways!” Manuel persisted and finally the man sat back down.
This is Manuel’s mission field. He goes into work to face people who disagree with him or think he’s crazy. However he refuses to stop sharing with them. He gets to do what we as Americans would get in trouble for doing in the work place.
As we were leaving a man approached Parker and asked if a man who followed God could be a smoker. Manuel had shared with us that this was a struggle he was still having.
Parker told him that we all have things we are working on and no one is perfect. Pray for Manuel as he faces persecution from his co-workers. Pray that he grows strong and continues seeking the Lord passionately. And pray that he boldly proclaims truth to those around him. Pray for him to no longer struggle with smoking. What a challenge and example to me!
Someone Else's Legs
I always ask God to see miracles. I desire daily to see his hand move through events in my life or around me. My trip to Italy was no different as I begged him to show me who he is and his power in my life.
I am better than I was a year and 8 months ago. So much better. But my body, much to my surprise, is still healing. I still have swelling and pain finds me. The swelling isn’t as bad as before and neither is the pain, but it remains. I knew as I faced Italy that these two things would slow me down. I couldn’t stand the thought of going slow, so I pepped talked myself into pushing forward and begged for God to show my body mercy. And he did in such a huge way.
We walked, and walked, and walked some more. At the end of each day my legs would be swollen and they would hurt. Each morning, however, the pain and swelling would disappear.
There would be times that Brook and Parker would ask me how I was doing, and I, much to my dismay and embarrassment, had to tell them I needed to slow down. They were gracious and patient with me.
Like I have shared before with you, I have very clear moments when I know you are praying. I had a similar experience in Italy. There were moments where my legs were done. I was done, and I didn’t think I could go anymore. Tears would come to my eyes.
Then my world would slow down, and it felt like someone was stepping into my legs. It felt like someone would start to walk for me. It literally felt like I was walking in someone else’s legs.
There is no other explanation than that God was with me, he is with me. He’s letting me see and experience his miracles. His power is truly the most beautiful thing there is. He loves me. He loves you. He never forgets us. I’ll walk forward with the legs he’s given me. There’s too much work to do to slow down.
Prayer Requests
For the Trailblazer team– preparation for Germany-August 9-23
My legs-swelling to be minimal/ for my tendon to not be painful
For our friend who sometimes stays the night with us
For my friends who help me at therapy
My friend who is an immigrant in a new country but continues to go to church and Bible study!
Manuel and the other immigrants we met in Italy
Praises
God’s provision during Italy
Rest before Germany
My continued improvement
Return of the Clifton’s from their stateside assignment (they are on the church planting team here)
Thursday, July 21, 2011
The Night I Fell In Love
His story is not unique. But it's his story, nonetheless. And I have been impacted for the better because of it. I humbly introduce you to my Indian friend, Joseph. I have given him this name because his story parallels that of Joseph in the Bible.
Brook and I accidently left the key in the room one evening in Rome. Oops... so down we went to the reception where Joseph was sitting. After telling him our dilemma, he had to get out a box of keys and rummage through them to find the spare to our room. I could tell he was a little frustrated, but I did my best to be polite and thankful for him helping us out. I opened our room then ran back downstairs to return the key.
"Are you Christians?" Joseph asked. I was a little surprised at this remark, and I told him that we were. He gave me a quick synopsis of his life. He was raised in India as a Roman Catholic, but now he is not religious and does not know what he really should follow. He said he used to read the Bible, but not anymore. I encouraged him to read the Bible again, because it has truth. He then said that if I wanted to I could come back down and talk with him, because he'd be there working all night. I smiled and left. Then the Holy Spirit started a burning in my heart.
Parker, Brook, and I had our end of the day meeting. Before we prayed, I told them about my conversation with Joseph. I shared that my heart was heavy for him and that he asked if we were Christians. Parker then admitted that he had said in Hindi to Joseph that God loves him. Open door. I told them that Joseph invited us to go down and talk. We were all exhausted from that day, but as we prayed the Holy Spirit kept urging me to go down and talk with this man.
I made a deal with God awhile back. It was to be obedient when He tells me to be. Not to delay my obedience, but to boldly go forward. During our prayer time I could not physically remain still because I knew what I had to do. Excuses come so fast. It would be weird and inappropriate for me to go down alone and talk to this Indian man. What in the world do I have in common with him to allow me to share truth with him? What do I even say to initiate the conversation?
Our prayer time ended. I sat for a moment then I almost ran out the door out of urgency. As unsure of myself as I was, He was telling me to go. If I had to go alone, then so be it. This isn't about me. As I stood at the top of the stairs preparing for my descent, I pondered the best way to initiate the conversation. My breathing sped up, and I started to take my first step. Then I looked to my side, and Parker was there. All smiles. "You going with me?" I asked. And he said yes. So down we went. Thank you Lord for sending a friend.
Joseph was pleasantly surprised at our coming down to visit with him. I awkwardly said that the things he said to me earlier interested me, and I wanted to hear more about his life. And hear about his life is exactly what we did.
He shared how in India he had a wife, son, and a good job where he was a supervisor over others, but an opportunity came up. His brother was in Rome and wanted him to come and serve as a partner with him. He felt like it was a great opportunity, left behind India, only to be mistreated by his own flesh and blood. He explained that his brother treated him like a slave. Wanted him to only do the dirty work and not actually be a partner in business. His brother wanted to keep him from learning Italian so that Joseph could not find other work. Just like Joseph in the Bible, money was more important to his brother than Joseph was. So he treated him badly and more or less sold him into slavery. This is not uncommon among immigrants. There is hope of making more money, having a better life, and making something of yourself that you can brag about back home. But then they are faced with reality, and it is anything but those things they thought it would be.
He finally broke away from his brother, and found work in restaurants and in hotels. He said at one restaurant the owner commented that his belly was too big, so he fired him. Later when the owner said he was just joking, Joseph refused to return. He said his dignity was more important to him than money.
Despite initially following money or the opportunity of to Rome, Joseph rejects money as the most important thing there is. Throughout our conversation he kept saying money is power, and you need money. But when he shared his actions with us, he always chose integrity and character over the money. It costs him, but he did it anyways. His own brother abused him, but he refuses to be like his brother: a greedy lover of money.
Joseph went on to tell us about his wife in India. How they had difficulties in their marriage. They had gone to marriage conferences to try and fix things. He says he still stays in contact with her, but speaks more to his mother than his wife. She tells him to return home where she can take care of him, but he's weary of her. In the past she has lied about him. She at one point turned him into the police saying he was abusive, even though that was not the case. He went on to explain that he, while they were engaged, went out of his way to buy her a house even before they were married. He said, "Ask any Indian! They would not do that. But I did that for her." It wasn't enough because she was hungry for more money, and more power. Like Joseph in the Bible, he was deceived by a woman, even though he was trying to honor and respect her.
When it comes to character, this man wants to uphold it. As we were talking about his job now, the graveyard shift at the hotel, he told us about how hateful his boss is. He said that the hardest thing for him is lying. That sometimes he must lie about the quality of the hotel rooms in order to keep business, even though he knows the rooms are not as good as they could be. I was shocked as his eyes turned very red. Then came the rain. Tears flowed as though we were trusted friends. He said that it hurt his heart to lie and he did not want to do that, but his work depended on it. Choosing integrity and character always costs us. And I saw the pain in this man's eyes because of the value he put on the right things, instead of the things of this world.
Parker was able to share a little bit with him about how Christ had changed his life. Joseph listened a little bit, but remained cautious. In the end he gave us his email, and EVEN gave me the email of his wife. He said maybe she needed to hear the things that we were telling him. I was stunned as he handed me this free pass to communicate with this woman. I asked him if he still loved her in spite of the wrong she had done to him.
Then I saw it. It started in his eyes as a spark then turned out in a smile. He said he still loved her even though she had wronged him. I asked him if there was anything I could not say to her. He said I could tell her anything because he's an open book, but that I could not tell her that he loved her. He needs to know first that she wants him for who he is.
I have not seen a love like that in a long time. To be treated so poorly by someone, but to still have an unconditional love? Isn't that the kind of love our God has for us?
It got me thinking. When I saw the spark in his eyes, I thought to myself that I hope to find someone who loves me like that one day. Then God started showing me that I already have that love. That He passionately cares for me. I am His bride. I am His beloved. He has not left me once. He continues to seek me out even though I spit in His face. This is the love I desperately desire. God used Joseph to show me that He is enough for me. He loves me like that. With a spark in His eyes and smile on His face. I am His. There is no other love like this. My life was changed by the story of Joseph. All that was required of me was to be obedient in a moment when the Holy Spirit beckoned me to follow on an adventure. And the rest was history. He moves my world and shows me that He is at work, even in the life of an immigrant whose world has fallen apart. An immigrant willing to share his life, and let us share life with him.
Somewhere in the recent events of my life I had forgotten that God's love was for me. I knew it in my head, but my heart had forgotten. We equate our life situations with whether or not His love is for us. I look at Joseph of the Bible as a perfect example of this. It appears that God has checked out. But no. He did not leave Joseph even though it seems He did. He has not left my Indian Joseph either. So this night in Rome, Italy I fell in love. I fell head over heels in love again with my Savior. I remembered who I am to Him. I am the apple of His eye. Cherished as I am. I am His and He is mine. I cannot ask for more.
Pray for Joseph. Pray that he returns to God and he too can experience this unconditional love. Thank you, Joseph, for reminding me of this love that exists. As you show it, I pray you realize you can receive it as well.
His Bride,
Taryn
Brook and I accidently left the key in the room one evening in Rome. Oops... so down we went to the reception where Joseph was sitting. After telling him our dilemma, he had to get out a box of keys and rummage through them to find the spare to our room. I could tell he was a little frustrated, but I did my best to be polite and thankful for him helping us out. I opened our room then ran back downstairs to return the key.
"Are you Christians?" Joseph asked. I was a little surprised at this remark, and I told him that we were. He gave me a quick synopsis of his life. He was raised in India as a Roman Catholic, but now he is not religious and does not know what he really should follow. He said he used to read the Bible, but not anymore. I encouraged him to read the Bible again, because it has truth. He then said that if I wanted to I could come back down and talk with him, because he'd be there working all night. I smiled and left. Then the Holy Spirit started a burning in my heart.
Parker, Brook, and I had our end of the day meeting. Before we prayed, I told them about my conversation with Joseph. I shared that my heart was heavy for him and that he asked if we were Christians. Parker then admitted that he had said in Hindi to Joseph that God loves him. Open door. I told them that Joseph invited us to go down and talk. We were all exhausted from that day, but as we prayed the Holy Spirit kept urging me to go down and talk with this man.
I made a deal with God awhile back. It was to be obedient when He tells me to be. Not to delay my obedience, but to boldly go forward. During our prayer time I could not physically remain still because I knew what I had to do. Excuses come so fast. It would be weird and inappropriate for me to go down alone and talk to this Indian man. What in the world do I have in common with him to allow me to share truth with him? What do I even say to initiate the conversation?
Our prayer time ended. I sat for a moment then I almost ran out the door out of urgency. As unsure of myself as I was, He was telling me to go. If I had to go alone, then so be it. This isn't about me. As I stood at the top of the stairs preparing for my descent, I pondered the best way to initiate the conversation. My breathing sped up, and I started to take my first step. Then I looked to my side, and Parker was there. All smiles. "You going with me?" I asked. And he said yes. So down we went. Thank you Lord for sending a friend.
Joseph was pleasantly surprised at our coming down to visit with him. I awkwardly said that the things he said to me earlier interested me, and I wanted to hear more about his life. And hear about his life is exactly what we did.
He shared how in India he had a wife, son, and a good job where he was a supervisor over others, but an opportunity came up. His brother was in Rome and wanted him to come and serve as a partner with him. He felt like it was a great opportunity, left behind India, only to be mistreated by his own flesh and blood. He explained that his brother treated him like a slave. Wanted him to only do the dirty work and not actually be a partner in business. His brother wanted to keep him from learning Italian so that Joseph could not find other work. Just like Joseph in the Bible, money was more important to his brother than Joseph was. So he treated him badly and more or less sold him into slavery. This is not uncommon among immigrants. There is hope of making more money, having a better life, and making something of yourself that you can brag about back home. But then they are faced with reality, and it is anything but those things they thought it would be.
He finally broke away from his brother, and found work in restaurants and in hotels. He said at one restaurant the owner commented that his belly was too big, so he fired him. Later when the owner said he was just joking, Joseph refused to return. He said his dignity was more important to him than money.
Despite initially following money or the opportunity of to Rome, Joseph rejects money as the most important thing there is. Throughout our conversation he kept saying money is power, and you need money. But when he shared his actions with us, he always chose integrity and character over the money. It costs him, but he did it anyways. His own brother abused him, but he refuses to be like his brother: a greedy lover of money.
Joseph went on to tell us about his wife in India. How they had difficulties in their marriage. They had gone to marriage conferences to try and fix things. He says he still stays in contact with her, but speaks more to his mother than his wife. She tells him to return home where she can take care of him, but he's weary of her. In the past she has lied about him. She at one point turned him into the police saying he was abusive, even though that was not the case. He went on to explain that he, while they were engaged, went out of his way to buy her a house even before they were married. He said, "Ask any Indian! They would not do that. But I did that for her." It wasn't enough because she was hungry for more money, and more power. Like Joseph in the Bible, he was deceived by a woman, even though he was trying to honor and respect her.
When it comes to character, this man wants to uphold it. As we were talking about his job now, the graveyard shift at the hotel, he told us about how hateful his boss is. He said that the hardest thing for him is lying. That sometimes he must lie about the quality of the hotel rooms in order to keep business, even though he knows the rooms are not as good as they could be. I was shocked as his eyes turned very red. Then came the rain. Tears flowed as though we were trusted friends. He said that it hurt his heart to lie and he did not want to do that, but his work depended on it. Choosing integrity and character always costs us. And I saw the pain in this man's eyes because of the value he put on the right things, instead of the things of this world.
Parker was able to share a little bit with him about how Christ had changed his life. Joseph listened a little bit, but remained cautious. In the end he gave us his email, and EVEN gave me the email of his wife. He said maybe she needed to hear the things that we were telling him. I was stunned as he handed me this free pass to communicate with this woman. I asked him if he still loved her in spite of the wrong she had done to him.
Then I saw it. It started in his eyes as a spark then turned out in a smile. He said he still loved her even though she had wronged him. I asked him if there was anything I could not say to her. He said I could tell her anything because he's an open book, but that I could not tell her that he loved her. He needs to know first that she wants him for who he is.
I have not seen a love like that in a long time. To be treated so poorly by someone, but to still have an unconditional love? Isn't that the kind of love our God has for us?
It got me thinking. When I saw the spark in his eyes, I thought to myself that I hope to find someone who loves me like that one day. Then God started showing me that I already have that love. That He passionately cares for me. I am His bride. I am His beloved. He has not left me once. He continues to seek me out even though I spit in His face. This is the love I desperately desire. God used Joseph to show me that He is enough for me. He loves me like that. With a spark in His eyes and smile on His face. I am His. There is no other love like this. My life was changed by the story of Joseph. All that was required of me was to be obedient in a moment when the Holy Spirit beckoned me to follow on an adventure. And the rest was history. He moves my world and shows me that He is at work, even in the life of an immigrant whose world has fallen apart. An immigrant willing to share his life, and let us share life with him.
Somewhere in the recent events of my life I had forgotten that God's love was for me. I knew it in my head, but my heart had forgotten. We equate our life situations with whether or not His love is for us. I look at Joseph of the Bible as a perfect example of this. It appears that God has checked out. But no. He did not leave Joseph even though it seems He did. He has not left my Indian Joseph either. So this night in Rome, Italy I fell in love. I fell head over heels in love again with my Savior. I remembered who I am to Him. I am the apple of His eye. Cherished as I am. I am His and He is mine. I cannot ask for more.
Pray for Joseph. Pray that he returns to God and he too can experience this unconditional love. Thank you, Joseph, for reminding me of this love that exists. As you show it, I pray you realize you can receive it as well.
His Bride,
Taryn
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Reclaiming My Life
This has been all out war. There have been battles I have fought less valiantly than other. And there have been some battles that I'm not even sure I've won. Tonight I went into war. And tonight I took back part of my life. Tonight I ran.
Now before you get an idea in your head of what my running is, let me humbly explain it to you. Before the accident I had been doing interval running. I had worked up to running for a good amount of time. So I decided to begin where I had started off. Running for 2 minutes, walking for 3 for a total of 15 minutes. Now to you guys who do the math quickly, that's only 6 minutes of running total. But for me it was like winning the war. I went in aware of the costs and I waged against the enemy, my own body.
I have been waiting and pushing for this moment. I can't say that it was glorious. I can say that fear sprang upon me as I kept urging myself into the jog, but I kept hesitating. Fear of what others would think came to mind. Gosh, I'm so slow and awkward at this. Fear of how I would pay for this physically the next few days passed through my head. Fear. Then I told the fear to shut up and I ran. I ran while my injuries that I had thought were so far away now pestered me reminding me that they are still by my side. I ran to prove to myself that this life belongs to me. God has spared me for a reason, gifted this life to me, and while being obedient to him, I'm claiming it. And I'm running with it.
An old Spanish lady even cheered me on at one point! I put on my best face when I passed the outdoor cafes full of people. My breathing didn't even affect me since my knees were challenging me every step. Telling me to stop. I didn't care what they said because I had something to prove. I did it. I am conquering my world. I will not stand by. I will not let this beat me. So onward I go. Onward with His leadings. Onward into the world. The stake's just got higher. But haven't they always been this high? It will cost us everything, but I challenge that it is indeed worth it.
My body is my slave. I will use it until the day I die to share the most beautiful story that there is. I want to leave this world with a worn out body that has used every ounce of its energy.
There is the one true God. He loves us. He desires us. What more could we want? Let's run.
1 Corinthians 9:24-27
Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last, but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like someone running aimlessly; I do not fight like a boxer beating the air. No, I strike a blow to my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.
Sunday, July 3, 2011
A Fall from the Pedestal
I knew it was a bad sign when my friend told me he couldn’t come up with anything I needed to work on. He had just asked for my input on something he should work on. I told him I didn’t know him well enough, but he pressed the matter. I shared a very basic issue with him that I said he already realized, and he took what I said and told me he’d think about it. I wasn’t quite ready to receive the favor, but felt like I should at least ask. It’s never fun to seek out correction. So I asked and I believe he said something to the effect of “there are only good things to say.” Of course I knew otherwise, I even voiced this, but left it alone. I knew the truth would be shown and soon enough my imperfections would be seen. I had no doubt about that. He’d only see me in action for a few days at this point. There was more of me to uncover.
Later on we were eating at a restaurant. The people working there were being rude, for whatever reason. You have a bad day, you are tired, and things are going on at home. Whatever. We can be rude. Little did I know that my comment that quickly tumbled out of my mouth would bring on the lighting of an internal fire of deep disappointment and maybe even anger. My comment was to the effect that if they are acting in that way they must not be believers. In my head, I was justifying their reasons for acting rude, but what fell on my friend’s ears was significantly different. That was all it took. I didn’t realize the weight of my words until we left and hints of his aggravations were coming to light. Some comments were made putting me on the automatic defense I know too well. I’ll arm myself quickly. I truly did not mean the statement in that way. My friend just does not understand me. Not my problem, but his. All I meant was that when people don’t have the love of Christ we can’t expect them to act like Christians. And I believe that. But somewhere in my comment, I ceased to realize the judging tone that sprang out of my mouth. That I do not know their hearts. I momentarily forgot that I too have bad days, where I do not show the love of Christ.
That scenario was all it took, and I fell. Hard. Really, really hard. I fell harder off his pedestal than I have ever fallen off any pedestal I have made for myself. His rebuke rang in my ears as he said he would expect that comment from others but not from me. He was very wrong, since I am not beyond any sin. I apologized, accepted the rebuke. Felt nauseous actually. In my pride I hate being wrong. I knew he’d see me fall, but the level of his disappointment shocked me. I guess I had put on a pretty good façade before this point. Ha!
This is not the first time my words have been taken the wrong way, but this time I really stopped and thought about it. My friend told me that these types of comments were the very things that kept him away from the church and the Gospel. This arrogance that we as Christians have all the answers and would never, ever do something wrong. I realized that my words were almost taken personally, and I honestly can’t remember that last time I saw that type of disappointment in someone’s eyes.
This learning experience/slap in my face truly made me evaluate how quickly I speak. All in all it’s really for the best that my friend saw me fall flat on my face. To see me as I am, a sinner in need of Christ’s love every day of my life. I guess it was a refining moment from God. To teach me how to accept a hard rebuke, ask for forgiveness, and move forward with this new lesson. So even though I didn’t sleep that night, thank you to my friend for speaking truthfully to me. I am glad you saw me fall ungracefully to the ground. I am capable of any sin. May Christ make me more like Him and to be careful with my words despite my intentions behind them. May the love of Christ show through me despite my unrighteousness.
From ground level,
Taryn
Later on we were eating at a restaurant. The people working there were being rude, for whatever reason. You have a bad day, you are tired, and things are going on at home. Whatever. We can be rude. Little did I know that my comment that quickly tumbled out of my mouth would bring on the lighting of an internal fire of deep disappointment and maybe even anger. My comment was to the effect that if they are acting in that way they must not be believers. In my head, I was justifying their reasons for acting rude, but what fell on my friend’s ears was significantly different. That was all it took. I didn’t realize the weight of my words until we left and hints of his aggravations were coming to light. Some comments were made putting me on the automatic defense I know too well. I’ll arm myself quickly. I truly did not mean the statement in that way. My friend just does not understand me. Not my problem, but his. All I meant was that when people don’t have the love of Christ we can’t expect them to act like Christians. And I believe that. But somewhere in my comment, I ceased to realize the judging tone that sprang out of my mouth. That I do not know their hearts. I momentarily forgot that I too have bad days, where I do not show the love of Christ.
That scenario was all it took, and I fell. Hard. Really, really hard. I fell harder off his pedestal than I have ever fallen off any pedestal I have made for myself. His rebuke rang in my ears as he said he would expect that comment from others but not from me. He was very wrong, since I am not beyond any sin. I apologized, accepted the rebuke. Felt nauseous actually. In my pride I hate being wrong. I knew he’d see me fall, but the level of his disappointment shocked me. I guess I had put on a pretty good façade before this point. Ha!
This is not the first time my words have been taken the wrong way, but this time I really stopped and thought about it. My friend told me that these types of comments were the very things that kept him away from the church and the Gospel. This arrogance that we as Christians have all the answers and would never, ever do something wrong. I realized that my words were almost taken personally, and I honestly can’t remember that last time I saw that type of disappointment in someone’s eyes.
This learning experience/slap in my face truly made me evaluate how quickly I speak. All in all it’s really for the best that my friend saw me fall flat on my face. To see me as I am, a sinner in need of Christ’s love every day of my life. I guess it was a refining moment from God. To teach me how to accept a hard rebuke, ask for forgiveness, and move forward with this new lesson. So even though I didn’t sleep that night, thank you to my friend for speaking truthfully to me. I am glad you saw me fall ungracefully to the ground. I am capable of any sin. May Christ make me more like Him and to be careful with my words despite my intentions behind them. May the love of Christ show through me despite my unrighteousness.
From ground level,
Taryn
Ciao from Milano!
Hello all!
Well, June came and went without a newsletter without me even realizing it! Oops! Right now I am on a research trip in Italy with Brook and Parker. Things are going well and it is evident God is with us each and every step. My legs are doing amazingly considering that we walk all day long. I have not had to sit out a day or rest any more than B and P. I know you must be praying for me from that alone because the week before I left I was having swelling and pain. Please continue to pray!
We are learning about the immigrants in Milan and Rome, and they are definitely here and there are churches. Pray that the Lord uses these churches to spread his word and that His word will fall on open ears. We will be here until the 11th of this month. Pray for us to love one another (since we are together ALL the time). We have been doing great so far... please pray for the right contacts and for opportunities to share the Gospel. Now, 2 years later from when I had my interview I am getting to do exactly the job description I responded to. Praise Him for all of the bumps in the road getting here and that I am blessed to be at work. I know y'all must feel really sorry for me working hard in Italy!
As always please let me know your prayers requests. You bless me so much and I can hear and feel your prayers across the ocean.
In Him,
Taryn
Well, June came and went without a newsletter without me even realizing it! Oops! Right now I am on a research trip in Italy with Brook and Parker. Things are going well and it is evident God is with us each and every step. My legs are doing amazingly considering that we walk all day long. I have not had to sit out a day or rest any more than B and P. I know you must be praying for me from that alone because the week before I left I was having swelling and pain. Please continue to pray!
We are learning about the immigrants in Milan and Rome, and they are definitely here and there are churches. Pray that the Lord uses these churches to spread his word and that His word will fall on open ears. We will be here until the 11th of this month. Pray for us to love one another (since we are together ALL the time). We have been doing great so far... please pray for the right contacts and for opportunities to share the Gospel. Now, 2 years later from when I had my interview I am getting to do exactly the job description I responded to. Praise Him for all of the bumps in the road getting here and that I am blessed to be at work. I know y'all must feel really sorry for me working hard in Italy!
As always please let me know your prayers requests. You bless me so much and I can hear and feel your prayers across the ocean.
In Him,
Taryn
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Ready for Takeoff?
This post has been in the making for months at this point. I've had alot of my mind lately. Mostly the travel that's ahead of me. I'll be going to Guatemala in a week and at the end of this month I'll be in Italy doing research. With all of this travel right around the corner I've been thinking about my baggage. What do I pack? What do I NOT need to pack? What's in our baggage is important and when we get to our destination we anticipate our baggage at the baggage claim. This type of baggage can be helpful, but what about the type of baggage that isn't so good? The extra unnecessary stuff.
You know when you're in the plane waiting to take off and all of the sudden there's an announcement that the baggage area is too full, there's too much weight. It's one of the most annoying announcements. Didn't people read the info about how much baggage they are allowed? Why did the check-in desk let people check more weight than necessary? This is the bad baggage I'm talking about.
Baggage. We all have it. We all have justifiable reasons for having baggage. We've been hurt in relationships by family, friends, significant others. We've had a difficult upbringing. We just weren't loved enough. Doubts creep in as well adding to the weight: Are we ever good enough? What's my worth? All of these things can help us pile up a big mound of baggage.
We hate it and we love it. We hate it because our baggage is the very thing that weighs us down, yet our actions show we love it because we continue to drag it all around with us. We'll even drag it half way across the globe. The phrase "he/she has baggage" has been kind of a funny one for me to explain in Spanish. It would be, "el o ella tiene equipaje o maletas." I go on to describe what that means exactly. Our baggage is often emotional, spiritual, mental or all of the above. And it truly weighs us down like physical baggage does.
You may be asking why I'm talking about baggage or why I've been explaining this to my friends here in Spain. I guess I'm asking myself the same thing. One thing I'm seeing is that we all have our own baggage. Some people have more than others. Some people's baggage is heavier or has had more severe effects on one's life. Nonetheless it affects us all. It affects how we relate to our world. It affects how we relate to our God. And I think that's what's most important to me. Have I let my junk or baggage be a stumbling block in my relationship with the Lord? And what does that mean for other things in my life?
One thing I've seen over and over again in the lives of friends my age or even older is this carrying of our baggage. We've yet to unpack the bag and deal with the mess that's inside. In some strange way we carry it with us as our excuse to act a certain way. We use it to show our suffering, but not quite in the best way that glorifies God. Alot of the problem with the baggage is we rummage through it, stir up the mess again, repack it, and drag it along for yet another trip.
At what point do we unpack it, hand it over to the Lord, and WALK AWAY?! This is something I'm wondering myself. I wouldn't count my life as being very traumatic, but I still carry some bad situations with me. And no, I'm not even talking about the most obvious recent thing that people may think about with this accident. Even though I physically carry that quite a bit. I guess I've been wondering about some of the other junk. Junk that I thought I worked through. Maybe I have walked away from the baggage and Satan has recently thrown it in my path for me to stumble over. Who knows? But I do need to know how to deal with it. It holds me down and back from the Lord's work.
I've seen this as I talked to friends. Girls and guys. I've heard people express this in relationships and other circumstances in their lives. It looks like this: I'm broken. I'm no longer good enough. Maybe I'm too far gone. Maybe because of this I shouldn't get married. What if I'm not cut out for this? What if I turn out like my parents? I've messed up too many times. Maybe love like that doesn't exist.
All of those things lead to the thought that I can't be used by God. Paralyzed. Weighed down and immovable because of our junk that we can't seem to let go of. Really, a clever plan by Satan. We become engrossed and obsessed with our baggage, and we forget to lift our heads up to look around us. To rise up to lead and serve as God would have us to.
One thing I'm learning over and over again is that this world is full of heartache. We will be hurt and we will hurt others. We will see pain and we will experience it. We are guaranteed suffering if we choose to follow Christ. So all that said, if I'm going to face these tough things in life, I need to learn to do so while not holding onto my grief. While not clinging tightly to my "right" to feel hurt and broken all the while pointing my finger at the person or situation that has inflicted the pain. Somehow I have to let God in to heal. I must invite the Holy Spirit to cleanse me of this pain and hurt.
And He does indeed heal us. Is it a process? Yes. Does Satan like to throw our stuff back in our face every once in awhile? You bet. So we have to throw it back at him, and tell him to get out of our way. We have to run back to God, because holding onto this stuff isn't helping us. And it's not furthering His kingdom if we are standing in the midst of it not moving forward.
I'm not saying to just pretend that you've worked through these things. Do what you need to seek out fellowship, accountability, counseling, reconciliation, whatever, so that we can get to work. So we can get to doing HIS work. It's hard. I'm working on dropping off my baggage too. Sometimes I want to hold onto it out of spite. This isn't what God wants for me though. My baggage only brings me down and pulls me away from the healing touch of God.
One day, my brother and I were talking about baggage. He asked me about a friend I have, and I just shared with him that this friend has alot of baggage. Darren laughed and said, "We all have baggage! Help a weary traveler out!" Darren is right. Let's walk alongside our brothers and sisters praying for them, praying with them, so that they too can leave their baggage behind. Let us press forward leaving everything behind so that our goal is in front of us. Let us boldly carry the beautiful message of the Gospel to those around us. This life is too short to be held down.
Are you ready for takeoff?
Taryn
You know when you're in the plane waiting to take off and all of the sudden there's an announcement that the baggage area is too full, there's too much weight. It's one of the most annoying announcements. Didn't people read the info about how much baggage they are allowed? Why did the check-in desk let people check more weight than necessary? This is the bad baggage I'm talking about.
Baggage. We all have it. We all have justifiable reasons for having baggage. We've been hurt in relationships by family, friends, significant others. We've had a difficult upbringing. We just weren't loved enough. Doubts creep in as well adding to the weight: Are we ever good enough? What's my worth? All of these things can help us pile up a big mound of baggage.
We hate it and we love it. We hate it because our baggage is the very thing that weighs us down, yet our actions show we love it because we continue to drag it all around with us. We'll even drag it half way across the globe. The phrase "he/she has baggage" has been kind of a funny one for me to explain in Spanish. It would be, "el o ella tiene equipaje o maletas." I go on to describe what that means exactly. Our baggage is often emotional, spiritual, mental or all of the above. And it truly weighs us down like physical baggage does.
You may be asking why I'm talking about baggage or why I've been explaining this to my friends here in Spain. I guess I'm asking myself the same thing. One thing I'm seeing is that we all have our own baggage. Some people have more than others. Some people's baggage is heavier or has had more severe effects on one's life. Nonetheless it affects us all. It affects how we relate to our world. It affects how we relate to our God. And I think that's what's most important to me. Have I let my junk or baggage be a stumbling block in my relationship with the Lord? And what does that mean for other things in my life?
One thing I've seen over and over again in the lives of friends my age or even older is this carrying of our baggage. We've yet to unpack the bag and deal with the mess that's inside. In some strange way we carry it with us as our excuse to act a certain way. We use it to show our suffering, but not quite in the best way that glorifies God. Alot of the problem with the baggage is we rummage through it, stir up the mess again, repack it, and drag it along for yet another trip.
At what point do we unpack it, hand it over to the Lord, and WALK AWAY?! This is something I'm wondering myself. I wouldn't count my life as being very traumatic, but I still carry some bad situations with me. And no, I'm not even talking about the most obvious recent thing that people may think about with this accident. Even though I physically carry that quite a bit. I guess I've been wondering about some of the other junk. Junk that I thought I worked through. Maybe I have walked away from the baggage and Satan has recently thrown it in my path for me to stumble over. Who knows? But I do need to know how to deal with it. It holds me down and back from the Lord's work.
I've seen this as I talked to friends. Girls and guys. I've heard people express this in relationships and other circumstances in their lives. It looks like this: I'm broken. I'm no longer good enough. Maybe I'm too far gone. Maybe because of this I shouldn't get married. What if I'm not cut out for this? What if I turn out like my parents? I've messed up too many times. Maybe love like that doesn't exist.
All of those things lead to the thought that I can't be used by God. Paralyzed. Weighed down and immovable because of our junk that we can't seem to let go of. Really, a clever plan by Satan. We become engrossed and obsessed with our baggage, and we forget to lift our heads up to look around us. To rise up to lead and serve as God would have us to.
One thing I'm learning over and over again is that this world is full of heartache. We will be hurt and we will hurt others. We will see pain and we will experience it. We are guaranteed suffering if we choose to follow Christ. So all that said, if I'm going to face these tough things in life, I need to learn to do so while not holding onto my grief. While not clinging tightly to my "right" to feel hurt and broken all the while pointing my finger at the person or situation that has inflicted the pain. Somehow I have to let God in to heal. I must invite the Holy Spirit to cleanse me of this pain and hurt.
And He does indeed heal us. Is it a process? Yes. Does Satan like to throw our stuff back in our face every once in awhile? You bet. So we have to throw it back at him, and tell him to get out of our way. We have to run back to God, because holding onto this stuff isn't helping us. And it's not furthering His kingdom if we are standing in the midst of it not moving forward.
I'm not saying to just pretend that you've worked through these things. Do what you need to seek out fellowship, accountability, counseling, reconciliation, whatever, so that we can get to work. So we can get to doing HIS work. It's hard. I'm working on dropping off my baggage too. Sometimes I want to hold onto it out of spite. This isn't what God wants for me though. My baggage only brings me down and pulls me away from the healing touch of God.
One day, my brother and I were talking about baggage. He asked me about a friend I have, and I just shared with him that this friend has alot of baggage. Darren laughed and said, "We all have baggage! Help a weary traveler out!" Darren is right. Let's walk alongside our brothers and sisters praying for them, praying with them, so that they too can leave their baggage behind. Let us press forward leaving everything behind so that our goal is in front of us. Let us boldly carry the beautiful message of the Gospel to those around us. This life is too short to be held down.
Are you ready for takeoff?
Taryn
Sunday, May 22, 2011
May Update
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| On the doorway in a university classroom: Relgion=Venom the bottom is a cross with a null sign |
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| At a Real Madrid Game- so amazing! |
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| Brook, Parker, and me- 3 Trailblazers |
Three Trailblazers
So I have some exciting news to share with you all! We have a new team member who was a Journeyman in Peru and Haiti. Parker has now been added to our team and will be located in Paris to do research there. In addition to France, he’ll be doing the research trips with Brook and me to Italy and Germany.
Parker was here this last week doing some training with us, and it was cool for our team to share with him what our job looks like. One thing on our trip to Valencia that Brook and I saw as a challenge was us not being able to approach men to do interviews. With Parker with us we are able to get the broader perspective of the people we meet and talk with. We already saw the benefit of having a guy with us when we were doing interviews here in Madrid. He is also excellent as Spanish. Puts me to shame a little bit, but definitely challenges me to work harder at language.
It’s exciting to see these things finally come together and it looks like from here on out my term is going to fly by. The schedule is for us to go to Italy June 26-July 8. We will be researching the immigrant situation in Milan and Rome. Then we are hoping to be in Germany August 8-20 doing the same thing.
I would ask that you fervently be praying for these trips. Pray for me, Brook, and Parker to get along with one another in love and respect. Traveling and being together all the time can be challenging, but I think we’ll make a great team. Also please be praying for my legs. They are improving like always, but I still have my worries or doubts. Pray that the Lord sustains me daily through these trips. That when my legs get tired, they will be rejuvenated. When I rest at night, my legs will feel brand new in the morning. Most importantly that these legs will carry me to the places where I can share Christ’s love.
Pain's Ticket
Pain. It is one of the most frustrating things to face. It is one of those things you wish you could just snap your fingers and get rid of. But it remains at my side. Taunting me most days. Bringing me to tears at other times. Challenging me in my walk. And making me question how seriously I take myself when I say I’ll follow Him no matter what.
I continue to follow Him despite these events that continue to affect me. It has been hard. It hasn’t been without some really big tantrums, but I’m still here, still saying that my God is amazing and that He is faithful and loving.
The other day I was really frustrated that nothing is seemingly helping with this injured hamstring/tendon. It pops during the night and I wake up to sharp pain. It’s just very uncomfortable. I was doing my exercises at therapy and I realized something. Without my pain, I lose access to the girls at my therapy. Without my pain, I no longer need my therapist. And I no longer get to share 3 solid hours of time with her each week.
My pain is my ticket to pray for my friends there, and it is my ticket to talk with them and love them with the love of Christ. If I’m not there, who is intentionally talking with them? If I’m not there who is intentionally praying for them? I say this with a heaviness in my heart, but may my pain remain, so that until I leave in October I can continue to be there. And I can continue to pray for the Truth I know to be revealed to my friends.
You're Not Americans!
Brook and I have our local hangout. We are regulars there and there’s something that feels right when you walk in and can greet everyone in the restaurant like you are old friends. Hey, sometimes we even get a free coffee or Nutella crepe!
This restaurant has an interesting dynamic. There’s a Peruvian, Argentine, Bulgarians, and a Moroccan that work there. As time has gone by we have been able to share bits and pieces of our lives with them, and we have been able to inquire about their lives.
About two weeks ago, Brook and I were there for an evening coffee when the Peruvian man started asking me some questions. Do you go out? You don’t like to party, do you? Do you drink? What do you like to do?
I answered his questions and share with him how partying isn’t what satisfies me or fills me up. That’s why I don’t need those things. Only God fills up our hearts and lives.
He then told me that he and the Moroccan man had been talking about how strange Brook and I are. He said, “You’re not Americans! Americans come here to drink and party. You’re not Americans!”
I laughed because unfortunately this is true, but I found it entertaining that they couldn’t quite figure us out. Praise the Father that they do see a difference in us. I pray that we are acting as salt and light making them thirsty to know our God, the one that intimately loves them.
Let's Talk About Love
So you all have heard about our friend who sometimes stays the night with us. These are amazing times where we continue to share God’s love with her. We continue to show her why we believe what we believe, then let her read it in the Bible.
Well she came over the other night. She stayed in the entrance and we told her to come on in. She then called for us to come to the door. When we got there, to our BIG surprise, there was her boyfriend. The man who is older than her father and who controls her each and every step. Brook and I about fell over, but quickly recovered with our Southern hospitality. We invited him in to sit, asked him if he wanted water.
And put on our best smiles. He said he didn’t want to stay, and thank you. He also kept saying “felicidades” which means congratulations. We just smiled and finally he left.
Then the entire truth came out within minutes of him leaving. She had lied to him telling him it was Brook’s birthday, and that was why she wanted to come and hang out with us.
We laughed. We were in shock. But she said after he had met us, she was certain he wouldn’t be worried about her. She said that once he saw we were family-like people he wouldn’t be worried about her staying with us sometimes.
We have recently discovered that there are prostitutes in the area, so she explained that after he had seen we are just young girls who aren’t about partying it would be fine.
So after our shock, we were able to chit chat for awhile. And like always, we can’t have her with us without talking to her about God. We read some Bible passages about love. Our friend even took the liberty of reading it aloud to us. As I watched her face, I could see she was really trying to process what the scripture was saying.
This is what we do, and this all we can do. We offer her our home of peace and while she’s here, we fill her up with the word of God. She may be our lying friend, but we strongly believe that with prayer, the Spirit will change her and show her how badly she needs the blood of Christ. Please continue to pray for her and for opportunities to share the Word with her.
PRAYER REQUESTS
For the Trailblazer team– preparation for the trips/ Parker’s getting used to France
My legs-swelling to be minimal/ for my tendon to not be painful
For our friend who sometimes stays the night with us
For my friends who help me at therapy
PRAISES
My parents are visiting now and we’ll do some vacation time in Barcelona!
One of my friends I have mentioned before that left her home country has been connected with a believer in the new country where she lives. She has attended a Bible study in her mother tongue there. Pray for her to know Truth!
Let me know how to pray for you! Thanks for lifting these things up!
Taryn
Monday, May 2, 2011
A Call to Courageous Love
Osama Bin Laden. Dead. Being outside of the U.S. and hearing news like this gives you a different, yet strange perspective. It's hard to explain, but you lack the refuge of the understanding of fellow Americans. It's like you don't belong where you are, but I know I don't belong in the States right now either. In between a little bit. I woke up to the news this morning shocked. I have many mixed thoughts and emotions. But one thought seems to consistently come to the front of my mind. Bin Laden's eternity has been determined and this reality brings tears to my eyes when I think about another lost soul won over by our ultimate enemy, Satan.
Did this man hear about the wonderous love of my Christ? Did anyone tell him that the Creator of the world deeply loves him and desires to know him intimately? Did anyone tell him that he can never earn his salvation, and because of this Jesus died for him? Did anyone ever show him this courageous, unconditional love?
His life seemed fairly defined by hate. Hate against many types of people. Hate against different religions. His hate was what fueled the horrific things he did. But what of love? What of the cleansing power of the love I know? Did he even have the chance to really know what that means?
From facebook statuses, tweets, and the news there are strong reactions all around. Applauding of our government for what happened. Joy at the death of man who has been labeled a monster. And a concern of the eternal significance this has. God has granted this victory over this enemy. Do not be confused by that. The Lord has allowed for the U.S. to be used in this victory, but only God is in control of victory over evil. Let us not give praise first to President Obama or to our military. The praise is His alone. The one true God, not whatever god you want to pray to.
Let us also remember that God does not desire that any perish. And Christ came and died for those that hated him. He showed us what it truly meant to have love for our enemies. God raises up leaders and brings them down, but He desires for man to be reconciled to Himself. His word clearly says that He desires for the wicked to turn back to him! Not to perish separated from him. (Ezekiel 18:23)
In this world Osama is dead. But he is facing an eternity right now. Many of you may say, "He deserves what he gets!" I would agree and say, yes, he deserves hell. But I also deserve hell as do you. Have we forgotten that? Eternal damnation and separation from God is all any of us deserves. Oh but the love that HE has! The love that went beyond ourselves to reach out to us.
We are the carriers of this beautiful message. May we share it boldly because there are more and will be more Osama Bin Laden's in this world. Those who we consider our enemies. Those who carry so much hate. But who knows? What if the redeeming love of Christ had been shared with this man? How then would he have used his power and influence for the Gospel? Hate is an easy reaction to these things and an easy choice. Love, however, demands courage and will cost us everything. The power of this love is worth everything we have.
Walk in courageous love,
Taryn
Did this man hear about the wonderous love of my Christ? Did anyone tell him that the Creator of the world deeply loves him and desires to know him intimately? Did anyone tell him that he can never earn his salvation, and because of this Jesus died for him? Did anyone ever show him this courageous, unconditional love?
His life seemed fairly defined by hate. Hate against many types of people. Hate against different religions. His hate was what fueled the horrific things he did. But what of love? What of the cleansing power of the love I know? Did he even have the chance to really know what that means?
From facebook statuses, tweets, and the news there are strong reactions all around. Applauding of our government for what happened. Joy at the death of man who has been labeled a monster. And a concern of the eternal significance this has. God has granted this victory over this enemy. Do not be confused by that. The Lord has allowed for the U.S. to be used in this victory, but only God is in control of victory over evil. Let us not give praise first to President Obama or to our military. The praise is His alone. The one true God, not whatever god you want to pray to.
Let us also remember that God does not desire that any perish. And Christ came and died for those that hated him. He showed us what it truly meant to have love for our enemies. God raises up leaders and brings them down, but He desires for man to be reconciled to Himself. His word clearly says that He desires for the wicked to turn back to him! Not to perish separated from him. (Ezekiel 18:23)
In this world Osama is dead. But he is facing an eternity right now. Many of you may say, "He deserves what he gets!" I would agree and say, yes, he deserves hell. But I also deserve hell as do you. Have we forgotten that? Eternal damnation and separation from God is all any of us deserves. Oh but the love that HE has! The love that went beyond ourselves to reach out to us.
We are the carriers of this beautiful message. May we share it boldly because there are more and will be more Osama Bin Laden's in this world. Those who we consider our enemies. Those who carry so much hate. But who knows? What if the redeeming love of Christ had been shared with this man? How then would he have used his power and influence for the Gospel? Hate is an easy reaction to these things and an easy choice. Love, however, demands courage and will cost us everything. The power of this love is worth everything we have.
Walk in courageous love,
Taryn
Monday, April 25, 2011
April Update-Four Stories You Can't Miss!
Houses upon Houses
One thing that has been a constant prayer request at my team’s weekly prayer meetings is that homes would open up for Bible studies and house churches to start. It really is best when the people being taught are hosting these studies at their home. Why? you may ask. Well, for several reasons. After we are gone, if they are already having the meetings at their home they are more likely to continue to meet because they won’t be relying on another place to meet. Also if new believers are opening up their homes, their friends will be more than likely to go and hear God’s word in the house of a good friend than in the house of a stranger.
With that said, we have been praying and praying. There was a family that was a prospect, but after many failed attempts at meeting with them, members of my team decided it was best to leave them alone. If and when they were ready to start a church in their home they could. So after months and months of waiting for homes, homes were finally made available.
At Pablo and Carmen’s weekly Bible study at their home, one woman spoke to Carmen. She told Carmen that she had been thinking about having the Bible study at her home every once and awhile. After this two other people insisted that they have the study at their homes as well! The best thing about this is that Pablo and Carmen hadn’t mentioned them opening up their homes, They decided upon this themselves! Praise God for these homes and please pray that through these Latin Americans, they can tell their friends about Christ.
A House of Peace
Our friend came over again last night to spend the night. We talked a lot and laughed about life. And we talked about serious things. We were even able to get out the Bible and share some truth with this friend and explain why we believe what we believe. What a way to spend Easter evening! Sharing truth and love with a friend who needs it so badly!
After some time this friend repeated the same thing that she has said before, “This house is different. something about it is different.” Brook and I knowingly look at each other and told her it’s because we have peace. Her mind settles on this thought and she agrees like she has before, “Yes, you have peace here. It’s different.”
Praise the Father for this opportunity. If you want to hear about the first time she stayed with us you can read my blog “It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to” Pray for this friend to know Christ intimately. She says she knows him, but her life does not reflect this reality. May he shake up her world for forever!
Pray for Me!
Recently I had a great talk with one of my friends. We talked about marriage and what the Bible says about it. And we talked about a tough situation that my friend is going through. After giving her some advice on what would be the best way to handle the situation, I decided to tell her that I would be praying about this situation. You just never know how people will take that comment, but she smiled at me. After a few moments she got worked up again about this situation and exclaimed, “Pray for me!” I was a little stunned to hear this from the girl who is uninterested in church or God. I couldn’t believe it!
I replied back that of course I would and said, “You know I always pray for you, right? I pray for you because you’re my friend.” She smiled and told me how sweet I was. I have these small windows of opportunities and have to take them quickly before they are gone. Pray for this friend to experience God and to know him.
I Heard Your Sound
Some of you may remember my friend that is from outside of Spain and is now living in another country. But not living in her home country. She was talking with Brook a few weeks ago via chat. She told Brook that she was having problems with her phone not working and she went to bed frustrated and not knowing what to do. She said she woke up during the night and could hear “our sound” speaking to her about God and about Christ. So she said she raised her hands in the air and asked God to help her. She said the next morning her phone worked and she contributed it to praying. Go figure huh?
Also she recently recruited us and another worker here, Amy, to pray for her friend who was trying to get a visa to join her husband outside of their home country. So we prayed for this and after her friend got the visa she needed, she wrote all over her webpage that it was because of our prayers. She sees power in our prayers! Pray she knows that it’s only through Christ that our prayers our answered!
Prayer Requests
Legs to heal-specifically my hamstring on my left leg– still discussing these things with the Dr.
For more relationships with Latino students
Praises
Continued therapy for my legs
Continued relationship building
In Him,
Taryn
One thing that has been a constant prayer request at my team’s weekly prayer meetings is that homes would open up for Bible studies and house churches to start. It really is best when the people being taught are hosting these studies at their home. Why? you may ask. Well, for several reasons. After we are gone, if they are already having the meetings at their home they are more likely to continue to meet because they won’t be relying on another place to meet. Also if new believers are opening up their homes, their friends will be more than likely to go and hear God’s word in the house of a good friend than in the house of a stranger.
With that said, we have been praying and praying. There was a family that was a prospect, but after many failed attempts at meeting with them, members of my team decided it was best to leave them alone. If and when they were ready to start a church in their home they could. So after months and months of waiting for homes, homes were finally made available.
At Pablo and Carmen’s weekly Bible study at their home, one woman spoke to Carmen. She told Carmen that she had been thinking about having the Bible study at her home every once and awhile. After this two other people insisted that they have the study at their homes as well! The best thing about this is that Pablo and Carmen hadn’t mentioned them opening up their homes, They decided upon this themselves! Praise God for these homes and please pray that through these Latin Americans, they can tell their friends about Christ.
A House of Peace
Our friend came over again last night to spend the night. We talked a lot and laughed about life. And we talked about serious things. We were even able to get out the Bible and share some truth with this friend and explain why we believe what we believe. What a way to spend Easter evening! Sharing truth and love with a friend who needs it so badly!
After some time this friend repeated the same thing that she has said before, “This house is different. something about it is different.” Brook and I knowingly look at each other and told her it’s because we have peace. Her mind settles on this thought and she agrees like she has before, “Yes, you have peace here. It’s different.”
Praise the Father for this opportunity. If you want to hear about the first time she stayed with us you can read my blog “It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to” Pray for this friend to know Christ intimately. She says she knows him, but her life does not reflect this reality. May he shake up her world for forever!
Pray for Me!
Recently I had a great talk with one of my friends. We talked about marriage and what the Bible says about it. And we talked about a tough situation that my friend is going through. After giving her some advice on what would be the best way to handle the situation, I decided to tell her that I would be praying about this situation. You just never know how people will take that comment, but she smiled at me. After a few moments she got worked up again about this situation and exclaimed, “Pray for me!” I was a little stunned to hear this from the girl who is uninterested in church or God. I couldn’t believe it!
I replied back that of course I would and said, “You know I always pray for you, right? I pray for you because you’re my friend.” She smiled and told me how sweet I was. I have these small windows of opportunities and have to take them quickly before they are gone. Pray for this friend to experience God and to know him.
I Heard Your Sound
Some of you may remember my friend that is from outside of Spain and is now living in another country. But not living in her home country. She was talking with Brook a few weeks ago via chat. She told Brook that she was having problems with her phone not working and she went to bed frustrated and not knowing what to do. She said she woke up during the night and could hear “our sound” speaking to her about God and about Christ. So she said she raised her hands in the air and asked God to help her. She said the next morning her phone worked and she contributed it to praying. Go figure huh?
Also she recently recruited us and another worker here, Amy, to pray for her friend who was trying to get a visa to join her husband outside of their home country. So we prayed for this and after her friend got the visa she needed, she wrote all over her webpage that it was because of our prayers. She sees power in our prayers! Pray she knows that it’s only through Christ that our prayers our answered!
Prayer Requests
Legs to heal-specifically my hamstring on my left leg– still discussing these things with the Dr.
For more relationships with Latino students
Praises
Continued therapy for my legs
Continued relationship building
In Him,
Taryn
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
It's My Party and I'll Cry If I Want To
You know the oldies song, right? Well you may have not recently received an invite to a party I recently had or even knew that it had happened. I didn't want to invite anyone, really. It was better to bask in my misery alone. A pity party. Ever been to one? They are so easy to have because all you need is yourself to have it.
The past week or more my legs have really, really been bothering me again. Sharp pain is consistent and rolls like waves through my legs. It's finally beautiful outside and Spaniards emerged from hibernation to enjoy the outdoor cafes and enjoy time with friends or family. I have had to force myself to stay inside and rest with my legs elevated while watching the day pass by. My legs have just hurt too much, and I don't want to do anything to hurt them worse. As soon as I think I can do more, walk more, try getting into an exercise routine, they flare up. Not that they've ever completely stopped hurting; the pain has just increased recently.
So I was here in Madrid, Spain in my apartment having one big ole pity party. Since I couldn't go outside, I would do what I could for festivities inside. It mostly included alot of crying, questioning of God, and asking God what in the world he was thinking by allowing me to be in this condition to where I can't be out doing his work. Isn't that why I'm here? Isn't that why I bent over backwards coming to Spain as fast as I could? The reality is I could've stayed at home for a very long time recuperating, but instead I talked everyone, including myself, into allowing me to go on to Spain almost a year ago. What was the purpose in getting worse again? Wasn't I improving? It has felt like 100 steps backwards for me.
So I cried and cried and cried. Harder than I had in awhile. Not that crying over the past year and a half has been unfamiliar to me. I cried over my inability to serve. My lack of faith and anger towards God. How I must not be that great of a follower if I couldn't see the purpose in this situation. I cried over my doubts about whether or not the people I've shared with here will accept the truth. And then I cried some more over figuring out what my next step will be when I go home in October. Quite the party, eh? It was an explosion of any and every thought and emotion. These are things I've been thinking on and praying over for a long time and it all erupted at my pity party.
I even questioned God about what was next. I know what he's calling me to in the future. I know it will cost me and the ones I love everything. Why is he asking this of me? What in the heck in I going to do in the meantime until these things can come to pass? It's a reluctant submission on my part instead of a wholehearted desire to follow. I tell you what... it was some kind of party to be at. Where you just dig deeper and deeper into your sorrows, doubts and worries.
The only person I invited for a little while was my mom. Like what she does so many times, she listened to me. Gave me good advice and encouraged me. So many times she has told me she wishes she could take my place and take my pain. I would never allow or want someone to carry this pain. But even after talking with one of the people I love the most in this world, I couldn't snap out of it.
I'm sure many of you can relate. You can relate to feeling overwhelmed by life. You can't hear the voice of God even though you are crying out, and all you desire is just some sort of acknowledgement from him that he's there and listening. You wonder if the fire you've walked through or are walking through is really refining you or if the fire has left you faithless,embittered, or burned away to nothing. My party slowly came to an end of my asking for forgiveness and reluctantly accepting things as they were. I have to rest my body, and there is nothing more I can do about it for now. I have to continue to set strong boundaries for myself to protect my health. Man, I hate boundaries.
Brook came home later on. And then she called Brook. Our friend that I've talked about before. She called asking if she could stay the night with us. Of course she was invited to. She buzzed our door downstairs and we waited and waited until she finally came up. She apologized saying her boyfriend had called. She lied to him saying she was staying with her aunts. He keeps a pretty tight watch on where she is and who she's with. She confirmed this when I asked her why she had to lie. She then explained that he's just worried about her well being. Doesn't want her with dangerous people. Uh huh, sure. Control and possessiveness.
She initially seemed nervous then finally relaxed saying, "I'm free! It's so nice to not be at my house or at work. That's all I ever do! Home, then work. Sometimes I see my aunts." I could see the desperation. We asked her if she wanted some water and brought her some. There were bubbles on the inside of the glass, and she commented that there was bad luck in our apartment. She thought we needed the evil eye to protect us. I told her no and Brook quickly explained that God was our protector. We don't need an evil eye to ward off bad spirits. She quickly agreed, making me think she wanted to appease us.
Throughout the evening we shared truth with her. We talked about relationships and how they are work. We talked about guys and what it means to see or have love with another person on this earth. We talked about true love. The only love that lasts. God's love. The love of Christ is enough to fill us no matter what is going on in our lives. She listened, but I'm not sure how much sunk in. We watched some youtube videos of people falling at weddings and babies doing funny things. The three of us laughed and laughed because it's hard not to laugh at these absurd videos. She then told us she couldn't remember the last time she laughed like that while asking to watch some of the videos over and over again.
The next day she commented on how she slept wonderfully that night. She couldn't remember a time sleeping so peacefully. Brook told her it was because our apartment was a place of peace. She agreed with Brook. Brook and I, however, didn't sleep very well that night. I prayed alot and prayed for her to feel peace in our midst. Brook said she woke up everytime she heard our friend move around in her sleep. I think she slept well because while she slumbered, Brook and I kept waking up to wage war. A spiritual battle in prayer over our friend. A war was being fought around her and we knew it, but I'm not sure if she did. She's a prisoner to her life decisions right now. We aren't sure how serious she is about getting out of this way of life, but Brook and I pray for her soul and pray that she sees a way out. The best thing might be for her to return to South America with her family, but we don't know the reality of that. Pray for this friend. Pray that Brook and I can continue to be lights to her in the darkness of this world.
So I started and ended my pity party by myself. And later that night the Lord redeemed me by bringing me and Brook someone we could love on and minister to. I may still have pain and still be facing the difficulties of injuries from an accident that I'm not sure why happened. But despite all of that God is still allowing me to be used. Even when I can't leave my apartment he brings someone to me I can share truth with. Please pray for me to keep my chin up, but most importantly ask the Lord to reveal himself to our friend. That she may know true freedom in the blood of Christ.
Walking with a limp, but still going,
Taryn
The past week or more my legs have really, really been bothering me again. Sharp pain is consistent and rolls like waves through my legs. It's finally beautiful outside and Spaniards emerged from hibernation to enjoy the outdoor cafes and enjoy time with friends or family. I have had to force myself to stay inside and rest with my legs elevated while watching the day pass by. My legs have just hurt too much, and I don't want to do anything to hurt them worse. As soon as I think I can do more, walk more, try getting into an exercise routine, they flare up. Not that they've ever completely stopped hurting; the pain has just increased recently.
So I was here in Madrid, Spain in my apartment having one big ole pity party. Since I couldn't go outside, I would do what I could for festivities inside. It mostly included alot of crying, questioning of God, and asking God what in the world he was thinking by allowing me to be in this condition to where I can't be out doing his work. Isn't that why I'm here? Isn't that why I bent over backwards coming to Spain as fast as I could? The reality is I could've stayed at home for a very long time recuperating, but instead I talked everyone, including myself, into allowing me to go on to Spain almost a year ago. What was the purpose in getting worse again? Wasn't I improving? It has felt like 100 steps backwards for me.
So I cried and cried and cried. Harder than I had in awhile. Not that crying over the past year and a half has been unfamiliar to me. I cried over my inability to serve. My lack of faith and anger towards God. How I must not be that great of a follower if I couldn't see the purpose in this situation. I cried over my doubts about whether or not the people I've shared with here will accept the truth. And then I cried some more over figuring out what my next step will be when I go home in October. Quite the party, eh? It was an explosion of any and every thought and emotion. These are things I've been thinking on and praying over for a long time and it all erupted at my pity party.
I even questioned God about what was next. I know what he's calling me to in the future. I know it will cost me and the ones I love everything. Why is he asking this of me? What in the heck in I going to do in the meantime until these things can come to pass? It's a reluctant submission on my part instead of a wholehearted desire to follow. I tell you what... it was some kind of party to be at. Where you just dig deeper and deeper into your sorrows, doubts and worries.
The only person I invited for a little while was my mom. Like what she does so many times, she listened to me. Gave me good advice and encouraged me. So many times she has told me she wishes she could take my place and take my pain. I would never allow or want someone to carry this pain. But even after talking with one of the people I love the most in this world, I couldn't snap out of it.
I'm sure many of you can relate. You can relate to feeling overwhelmed by life. You can't hear the voice of God even though you are crying out, and all you desire is just some sort of acknowledgement from him that he's there and listening. You wonder if the fire you've walked through or are walking through is really refining you or if the fire has left you faithless,embittered, or burned away to nothing. My party slowly came to an end of my asking for forgiveness and reluctantly accepting things as they were. I have to rest my body, and there is nothing more I can do about it for now. I have to continue to set strong boundaries for myself to protect my health. Man, I hate boundaries.
Brook came home later on. And then she called Brook. Our friend that I've talked about before. She called asking if she could stay the night with us. Of course she was invited to. She buzzed our door downstairs and we waited and waited until she finally came up. She apologized saying her boyfriend had called. She lied to him saying she was staying with her aunts. He keeps a pretty tight watch on where she is and who she's with. She confirmed this when I asked her why she had to lie. She then explained that he's just worried about her well being. Doesn't want her with dangerous people. Uh huh, sure. Control and possessiveness.
She initially seemed nervous then finally relaxed saying, "I'm free! It's so nice to not be at my house or at work. That's all I ever do! Home, then work. Sometimes I see my aunts." I could see the desperation. We asked her if she wanted some water and brought her some. There were bubbles on the inside of the glass, and she commented that there was bad luck in our apartment. She thought we needed the evil eye to protect us. I told her no and Brook quickly explained that God was our protector. We don't need an evil eye to ward off bad spirits. She quickly agreed, making me think she wanted to appease us.
Throughout the evening we shared truth with her. We talked about relationships and how they are work. We talked about guys and what it means to see or have love with another person on this earth. We talked about true love. The only love that lasts. God's love. The love of Christ is enough to fill us no matter what is going on in our lives. She listened, but I'm not sure how much sunk in. We watched some youtube videos of people falling at weddings and babies doing funny things. The three of us laughed and laughed because it's hard not to laugh at these absurd videos. She then told us she couldn't remember the last time she laughed like that while asking to watch some of the videos over and over again.
The next day she commented on how she slept wonderfully that night. She couldn't remember a time sleeping so peacefully. Brook told her it was because our apartment was a place of peace. She agreed with Brook. Brook and I, however, didn't sleep very well that night. I prayed alot and prayed for her to feel peace in our midst. Brook said she woke up everytime she heard our friend move around in her sleep. I think she slept well because while she slumbered, Brook and I kept waking up to wage war. A spiritual battle in prayer over our friend. A war was being fought around her and we knew it, but I'm not sure if she did. She's a prisoner to her life decisions right now. We aren't sure how serious she is about getting out of this way of life, but Brook and I pray for her soul and pray that she sees a way out. The best thing might be for her to return to South America with her family, but we don't know the reality of that. Pray for this friend. Pray that Brook and I can continue to be lights to her in the darkness of this world.
So I started and ended my pity party by myself. And later that night the Lord redeemed me by bringing me and Brook someone we could love on and minister to. I may still have pain and still be facing the difficulties of injuries from an accident that I'm not sure why happened. But despite all of that God is still allowing me to be used. Even when I can't leave my apartment he brings someone to me I can share truth with. Please pray for me to keep my chin up, but most importantly ask the Lord to reveal himself to our friend. That she may know true freedom in the blood of Christ.
Walking with a limp, but still going,
Taryn
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