I returned home from Germany this past Tuesday. Exhausted. My body was tired throughout the trip, then I'd get angry at it and push it further. When Brook and Parker would slow down for me I would throw my arms in the air waving them on. No way I want anyone waiting on me. My legs were aching. Knees were stiff. Emotionally and spiritually I was done. My fellow team members and I had been together for almost 2 weeks straight. I was ready to not see anyone even though I love Brook and Parker. I felt like hitting my head against the wall because the trip had been slower than Italy, even though God had some very important contacts we made. God had also been speaking to me about some really difficult things. In the midst of all of that I was just done. Emotionally and spiritually raw. Physically finished.
I got on the plane almost in tears because of the wall I was hitting. I'm pushing the two year mark of my accident and I can't believe my body still can feel this way. I told God that I just needed a flight without any complications. No talking to anyone. I put in my headphones and decided to disappear into the music.
My seat was the middle leaving the window seat open since Brook was in the aisle. "Oh Lord, please leave this seat open," I prayed. Then a Spanish girl came to claim her seat. She sat down talking on her phone and I could tell something was wrong. She hung up her phone and turned her face away from me. She put in her headphones. At first I could see her shoulders subtly shaking. Then I could see the tears streaming down her face. My heart started to hurt for her. I felt my stomach start to sink. I couldn't ignore her.
We find excuses. I found mine immediately. It's been about 2 weeks since I've had a good Spanish conversation. Oh, Spaniards aren't willing to talk about spiritual things because it's super private. It's none of my business. She'll be fine eventually. I put in and took out my headphones a million times trying to decide what I was going to do. All I wanted was silence. Didn't God realize that this was not the best time to send someone in my path for me to talk to? I'm on the verge of tears myself!
I had a decision to make. And I knew that because I care I couldn't let her sit by me and cry. I knew because I have the best news in the world to share with her that I couldn't keep it from her. I tapped her on the shoulder her and asked her if she needed anything. She smiled and said no. I then smiled and told her I didn't know what happened, but if she needed someone to talk to I could listen. We spent the next hour and a half talking. We talked about where we are from, our jobs, and our family. Most importantly I reached over to her, touched her arm, and told her that God loves her. That he loves the people and immigrants that I search for in my job. That I didn't believe Jesus came to this earth just to deal with the spiritual. He deals with our physical, emotional, and mental needs. He loves of deeply and wants a relationship with us.
She gave me the most sincere smile and for a moment her eyes lit up. She told me that I had a beautiful heart. Funny how my heart is actually very selfish in that I tried to talk myself out of sharing God's love with her. I contemplated keeping the silence. Then ashamed of myself I had to face some questions for my already raw, worn down heart. WHO AM I TO WITHHOLD THIS BEAUTIFUL NEWS OF GOD'S LOVE? Who do I think I am? How insolent can one be to not share this message?
She heard the news of Christ. She was told she was loved. Pray for Carmen. Pray that she accepts this message and that it forever changes her life. We exchanged emails, and after talking about American food I told her I'd send her a recipe for biscuits and gravy. She was amazed that there was a different type of gravy for breakfast. I cannot withhold this important message either :) She repeatedly thanked me for talking with her. I'm not sure when I've seen someone so sad and a few minutes later see their eyes light up at someone taking an interest in them. God's love truly captures our hearts.
Pray for someone else to cross paths with her and confirm this message. Pray that she considers the news I've told her and realizes this beautiful love is for her. Pray for my selfish heart and that I realize that keeping the silence is never an option when the world is dying to know the love of my Christ.
Never Silent,
Taryn
Once again my Isaiah chapters speak to me:
1 For Zion’s sake I will not keep silent,
for Jerusalem’s sake I will not remain quiet,
till her vindication shines out like the dawn,
her salvation like a blazing torch.
2 The nations will see your vindication,
and all kings your glory;
you will be called by a new name
that the mouth of the LORD will bestow.
3 You will be a crown of splendor in the LORD’s hand,
a royal diadem in the hand of your God.
Isaiah 62:1-3
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