You're an Oak

I am looking towards the future. This is totally in my personality. Being type A I not only have Plan A, but I have B, C, and D lined up as well. As I look to going home in 2 months and a few days, I have absolutely no plans. I honestly tried to make some great plans. I came up with the idea of going to seminary, going for another Masters, pursuing career missions, or just staying in Europe. I was begging God to give me a direction or a vision. I have a vision, but I hear the Lord telling me to stop for a little bit.

Stopping is not what I do! However, EVERYONE that I have sought advice from as I look to my future has given me the same advice. Slow down. Rest. Let your body heal. Take your time. It has never occurred to me to take my time doing anything. I want to face the world at full force. And that is exactly what I've done. Quite frankly I have worn myself out doing this. I'm coming home to the possibilities of more surgeries. My body is STILL healing. My reality is I need to slow down.

So this is me being obedient. Slowing down sounds like the worst idea in the world to me, but I have to. I have realized that I need this time to be in Arkansas. I need this time near my family. My family needs this time with me. My brother is getting married, and I want to spend time getting to know him and Jeannine as a couple. I want to reacquaint myself with my world as it is in the States. We all know that it won't be long before I jet off again. But this season is for resting. It's for healing. I gave God a timeline (I'm sure He's cracking up at my best attempts at controlling my "sabbatical") and this timeline is a year to a year and a half. In His mercies, I know He is considering this of me, so that I don't go crazy waiting and resting. But then after this rest, I must go again.

Go where? I don't know. With whom will I go? I'll find out. How? Only He knows. When? Um, remember? I told God a year to a year and half (I pray that it's no longer!) I think He loves me not knowing, and I love relinquishing this control to Him.

Until recently I didn't realize how badly I need this break that's coming up. I do know one thing. Something big is coming. A few months ago, God used Isaiah 61 and 62 to speak clearly to me. I had been almost obsessively pouring over Isaiah in the days previous to this very clear encounter with God. I'm not sure why, but I had been reading this book each day all day long. During this time I had to have a difficult conversation with someone. I shared this experience with my friend Amy, and she looked at me and said, "You're an oak."

I smiled because I hadn't heard that expression before, but I knew what it meant. She was kind to say that and was being an encouraging friend. That same night I came across Isaiah 61 and these verses have set the stage for what this next season of life will be like for me and what my life will be like. The chapter starts off:

The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor and the day of vengeance of our God to comfort all who mourn and provide for those who grieve in Zion- to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called OAKS of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor.

The same night my friend called me an oak is the same night the Lord calls me an oak and spoke to me through these chapters. I will be a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor! Hallelujah! Amen! How lovely is that? I will preach freedom to the captives! This will be the year of the Lord's favor! Now, I have no idea what that will mean. But I have felt the Lord saying, you have walked through fire. I haven't left you. You are my beloved, enter Isaiah 62:4-5:

No longer will they call you Deserted, or name your land Desolate. But you will be called Hephzibah, and your land Beulah; for the Lord will take delight in you, and your land will be married. As a young man marries a maiden, so will your sons marry you; as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride, so will your God rejoice over you.

This is the time of His favor. It may be in something so small that only I will know it or understand it. Or it may be huge in the eyes of all to see how wonderful my Father is. All I know is that it's coming. And I'm waiting expectantly as a bride waits for her groom. I have this excitement which is crazy since I know I am entering a time of rest. I have this great burning in my soul even though my soul burns most brightly when I am at work and busy. I can't explain it, but it's upon me. So I am waiting. The thing I'm the worst at. I'm allowing myself to finish in Spain strong, but recognizing I must rest and heal some more as I prepare for home. And I'm getting excited.

My Lord loves me, never leaves me, delights in me, finds me lovely, uses me for His glory and splendor, and lets me live the most exciting adventure there is: following Him.

Pray for me as I wait. Pray for me as I face health concerns and as I look towards jobs as I heal. I am facing some very practical things as I return, but for right now I'm dreaming about the possibilities He has before me. He's the only one I can share my wildest dreams with and lay these things at His beautiful feet.

I know some people challenge whether Song of Songs can be about a husband and a wife, but also about our relationship with God. I think it can be both in different ways. Who else knows us more intimately than God? So I believe the intimacy of this book can be used to describe our relationship with Him. I do know that He spoke to me once again this past week using this book:

My lover spoke and said to me, "Arise my darling, my beautiful one, and come with me. See! The winter is past; the rains are over and gone. Flowers appear on the earth; the season of singing has come, the cooing of doves is heard in our land. The fig tree forms its early fruit; the blossoming vines spread their fragrance. Arise, come my darling; my beautiful one, come with me."

Song of Songs 2:10-13

He beckons me. I must arise and go to Him.

Taryn