The task before me is hard. Seems impossible. One of my friends E and I have gotten to know each other very well. We see each other often. We talk about life. We discuss relationships, guys, family, religion, work, travel, music, movies, and just about anything else you can think of. We both love fashion and many times you can find us looking over a magazine together. I am honest with her if I have a bad day, and she shares the same with me. We laugh about the craziness of life together. Lament over the sad things of this world. We seem fairly similar on the outside. Girls in their twenties trying to figure out this life. Only difference is, I follow Christ.
It's quite the difference actually. You see, E doesn't appear to need anything. She's attractive, has a boyfriend whenever she wants, friends she loves, hobbies, good work, and a life she enjoys. She doesn't know she's missing something. Even when we've talked about Christ, she gives no indication that something is missing in her world.
So I keep being myself and praying that Christ shines through me. I pray that I'm honest with her always and show her that I'm human just like everyone else. But I beg the Lord to let her see she's lost. Let her see she needs something more. I pray that my presence is a blessing to her. That the times we see each other are times when she can let her guard down, be herself. Share life.
A battle wages when we are together. It's in another realm, but I am very aware of it. She has no idea it's around her. I pray for the strength to show truth in love. There is a battle over her soul, and Satan is trying to keep her blinded.
Sometimes when we are just sitting with each other not exchanging words, I pray. I ask in my head, "will I see you again?" Will I see E in heaven? I've imagined it a thousands times now. We see each other because we are both finally home in heaven. We embrace and I am so excited to see her there because I'll have left Spain not knowing whether or not she'd ever know Christ. We can talk clearly to one another. We laugh about the language mistakes I used to make and we smile over the friendship we built. I look at her and tell her that I prayed for her to know Truth. And she smiles because she knows her Savior. I am blessed because I got to be a small part in her coming to know my Jesus.
Pray with me for E. I pray that when we are in heaven I can introduce you to her, and you too can tell her that you prayed for her to become your sister. A reunion I desperately hope for after this life is over. Our labor is in prayer, and I need you to pray for E. Thank you for remembering my friend.
Laboring for Him,
Taryn
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Monday, January 17, 2011
As Pain Draws Near
Have you ever wanted to hit something because you were upset? I mean like really, really hit something? I mean, as not nice as this sounds, I have wanted to! (I'm not saying hit someone... even though some people may have felt that as well) Some people may be afraid to admit this if they have indeed felt this feeling. What feeling? One many of us may be all too familiar with, Anger. Anger is a feeling we tend to shy away from. We don't like being angry or feeling the wrath of someone who is. It is an emotion that even the Bible cautions us about, telling us to not sin in our anger.
Anger. An emotion that I have felt many times this year. An emotion that brings me to tears when I'm so upset. It has power, and often times it's not a good sort of power, especially when we lose control and let anger take over. It a beast to control and once you lose the control it's nearly impossible to reign it back in.
Last week I was sitting on my bed so angry not even realizing that tears were streaming down my face. I quickly wiped them away trying to pretend they weren't there. Deep pain had found me again. I thought I had lost it along the way, but I was wrong. My knees were throbbing and a deep bone pain ached through my lower legs. How could this be happening? I thought this was over. I thought I was so much better. I thought THIS type of pain was long gone. But here it was. And it made me angry.
There's a sense of disappointment that surrounds me when I don't feel as good as I think I should. A disappointment that I can't run still. Or even more of a frustration when I discover something random that I can no longer do. Granted healing is still in process, but it's so frustrating. It's so defeating. I know people say, "look where you've come from!" but then that makes me angry sometimes too. It just makes me think about how awful this experience has been. It also overwhelms me knowing it's much worse for others.
As pain draws near I catch myself doubting God and being angry with Him. The ugliness of my heart is revealed. I see how fallen I am. I see the darkness that others do not see. The heart of someone who doesn't have faith as they should. Someone who doesn't completely trust God. A doubter. Really, just a sinner.
So then I have to repent a million times. Ask for God's forgiveness. Remember I'm not the only one. But it's so hard. It's so hard when people ask how I am. I almost feel guilty admitting that I still have pain. Admitting that walking is still hard. Stairs still are a challenge. All of these things have definitely improved, but so much about my body has changed. It's so hard to explain, but it's where I am.
This is where we grow. This is where I grow. I grow through the pain. I learn better how to approach the throne of God. How to run to Him asking for help instead of blaming him for everything. I learn to humbly ask for prayers. It hurts. It's painful in more ways than one. But I can either choose to draw near to God as pain visits me, or I can choose to get angry at Him and close myself off.
This walk isn't easy. Along the way I hope I'm figuring out some of life. Mostly I just hope that despite my dark heart, I am somehow looking more and more like Christ every day. So he uses the broken, weak vessels that we are for his Kingdom. So here I am. Just doing one step at a time because it's all I can do physically, emotionally, spiritually, and mentally. Thanks for letting me share my struggles and for the prayers you pray on my behalf.
In Him,
Taryn
Anger. An emotion that I have felt many times this year. An emotion that brings me to tears when I'm so upset. It has power, and often times it's not a good sort of power, especially when we lose control and let anger take over. It a beast to control and once you lose the control it's nearly impossible to reign it back in.
Last week I was sitting on my bed so angry not even realizing that tears were streaming down my face. I quickly wiped them away trying to pretend they weren't there. Deep pain had found me again. I thought I had lost it along the way, but I was wrong. My knees were throbbing and a deep bone pain ached through my lower legs. How could this be happening? I thought this was over. I thought I was so much better. I thought THIS type of pain was long gone. But here it was. And it made me angry.
There's a sense of disappointment that surrounds me when I don't feel as good as I think I should. A disappointment that I can't run still. Or even more of a frustration when I discover something random that I can no longer do. Granted healing is still in process, but it's so frustrating. It's so defeating. I know people say, "look where you've come from!" but then that makes me angry sometimes too. It just makes me think about how awful this experience has been. It also overwhelms me knowing it's much worse for others.
As pain draws near I catch myself doubting God and being angry with Him. The ugliness of my heart is revealed. I see how fallen I am. I see the darkness that others do not see. The heart of someone who doesn't have faith as they should. Someone who doesn't completely trust God. A doubter. Really, just a sinner.
So then I have to repent a million times. Ask for God's forgiveness. Remember I'm not the only one. But it's so hard. It's so hard when people ask how I am. I almost feel guilty admitting that I still have pain. Admitting that walking is still hard. Stairs still are a challenge. All of these things have definitely improved, but so much about my body has changed. It's so hard to explain, but it's where I am.
This is where we grow. This is where I grow. I grow through the pain. I learn better how to approach the throne of God. How to run to Him asking for help instead of blaming him for everything. I learn to humbly ask for prayers. It hurts. It's painful in more ways than one. But I can either choose to draw near to God as pain visits me, or I can choose to get angry at Him and close myself off.
This walk isn't easy. Along the way I hope I'm figuring out some of life. Mostly I just hope that despite my dark heart, I am somehow looking more and more like Christ every day. So he uses the broken, weak vessels that we are for his Kingdom. So here I am. Just doing one step at a time because it's all I can do physically, emotionally, spiritually, and mentally. Thanks for letting me share my struggles and for the prayers you pray on my behalf.
In Him,
Taryn
Monday, January 10, 2011
January Update
Me at Plaza Mayor with the Christmas lights!Looking Forward
Celebrating Christmas in Madrid was enjoyable for me even though I was away from home this year. Amazingly enough you survive the holidays being away from family! A huge blessing was that a fellow journeyman that’s in Mexico came and visited me. I have known Pat since my interview, so it was great to see her and spend some time with each other.
In the midst of cool, wet weather Brook and I won’t be doing our travel to Germany and Italy until the spring. We are now looking for the next few months at focusing on the dynamics of Latinos attending universities here in Madrid.
I am hoping that through this some more relationships can be made with people my age and maybe my team will have a better understanding of whether or not university focus will be needed in the future.
This is an important situation to understand since it seems so many people from Central and South America are here studying.
One thing that’s exciting is that some of these Latino students are believers, so hopefully there will be opportunities to encourage discipleship among them and even Bible studies. I’m still not sure how all of this will work, but hopefully there will be chances to observe classes as a means to meet people.
It doesn’t seem possible that I’ve been here since April and then in October I’ll be coming home! Time is definitely flying. Please pray that I use my time wisely and that I continue to have divine appointments with people here who are seeking truth. Please pray for this work to not be in vain, but for some strong seeds to be planted.
Little Pilgrim
This month, specifically the 7th, marked one year since I started walking again. These anniversaries continue to remind me of how blessed I am by God and that he has continued to sustain me through this all.
My dad after the accident kept calling me little pilgrim. I would say that’s a fairly appropriate name because this past year has been quite a journey and continues to be. We are called to walk righteously no matter our circumstances and the trials we encounter. We are also called to called these trials “pure joy” as the Bible puts it.
My journey is continually blessed by you and your prayers. The unseen battle is so important . Here in Spain Satan hides so easily because overt spiritual warfare isn’t as easily detected as it is in other countries. Pray for this pilgrim and the thousands of others around the globe. We are carrying an important message. Please pray that we can deliver this message throughout this journey.
Often times when I spend time with people I am urged to pray before and after because there is such an apathy towards God or religion here. Please pray with me that there is a deep stirring in the hearts of the people I meet.
I want to say a special thanks to anyone who donated to the Lottie Moon Christmas offering. I am the one you sponsor to be here, and I cannot tell you how much it means for me to be able to be here doing what God has called me to. You all continue to challenge me by your giving and bless me!
Prayer Request:
Legs to heal
Bible studies starting up after the holidays
For more relationships with Latinos in the coming months before Brook and I go on trips to Italy and Germany in the spring
For my friend in another country
Praises
Continued therapy
Continued relationship building
Successful holiday season away from home!
Please let me know your prayer requests or say hello… seriously!
In Him,
Taryn
Celebrating Christmas in Madrid was enjoyable for me even though I was away from home this year. Amazingly enough you survive the holidays being away from family! A huge blessing was that a fellow journeyman that’s in Mexico came and visited me. I have known Pat since my interview, so it was great to see her and spend some time with each other.
In the midst of cool, wet weather Brook and I won’t be doing our travel to Germany and Italy until the spring. We are now looking for the next few months at focusing on the dynamics of Latinos attending universities here in Madrid.
I am hoping that through this some more relationships can be made with people my age and maybe my team will have a better understanding of whether or not university focus will be needed in the future.
This is an important situation to understand since it seems so many people from Central and South America are here studying.
One thing that’s exciting is that some of these Latino students are believers, so hopefully there will be opportunities to encourage discipleship among them and even Bible studies. I’m still not sure how all of this will work, but hopefully there will be chances to observe classes as a means to meet people.
It doesn’t seem possible that I’ve been here since April and then in October I’ll be coming home! Time is definitely flying. Please pray that I use my time wisely and that I continue to have divine appointments with people here who are seeking truth. Please pray for this work to not be in vain, but for some strong seeds to be planted.
Little Pilgrim
This month, specifically the 7th, marked one year since I started walking again. These anniversaries continue to remind me of how blessed I am by God and that he has continued to sustain me through this all.
My dad after the accident kept calling me little pilgrim. I would say that’s a fairly appropriate name because this past year has been quite a journey and continues to be. We are called to walk righteously no matter our circumstances and the trials we encounter. We are also called to called these trials “pure joy” as the Bible puts it.
My journey is continually blessed by you and your prayers. The unseen battle is so important . Here in Spain Satan hides so easily because overt spiritual warfare isn’t as easily detected as it is in other countries. Pray for this pilgrim and the thousands of others around the globe. We are carrying an important message. Please pray that we can deliver this message throughout this journey.
Often times when I spend time with people I am urged to pray before and after because there is such an apathy towards God or religion here. Please pray with me that there is a deep stirring in the hearts of the people I meet.
I want to say a special thanks to anyone who donated to the Lottie Moon Christmas offering. I am the one you sponsor to be here, and I cannot tell you how much it means for me to be able to be here doing what God has called me to. You all continue to challenge me by your giving and bless me!
Prayer Request:
Legs to heal
Bible studies starting up after the holidays
For more relationships with Latinos in the coming months before Brook and I go on trips to Italy and Germany in the spring
For my friend in another country
Praises
Continued therapy
Continued relationship building
Successful holiday season away from home!
Please let me know your prayer requests or say hello… seriously!
In Him,
Taryn
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)