I knew it was a bad sign when my friend told me he couldn’t come up with anything I needed to work on. He had just asked for my input on something he should work on. I told him I didn’t know him well enough, but he pressed the matter. I shared a very basic issue with him that I said he already realized, and he took what I said and told me he’d think about it. I wasn’t quite ready to receive the favor, but felt like I should at least ask. It’s never fun to seek out correction. So I asked and I believe he said something to the effect of “there are only good things to say.” Of course I knew otherwise, I even voiced this, but left it alone. I knew the truth would be shown and soon enough my imperfections would be seen. I had no doubt about that. He’d only see me in action for a few days at this point. There was more of me to uncover.
Later on we were eating at a restaurant. The people working there were being rude, for whatever reason. You have a bad day, you are tired, and things are going on at home. Whatever. We can be rude. Little did I know that my comment that quickly tumbled out of my mouth would bring on the lighting of an internal fire of deep disappointment and maybe even anger. My comment was to the effect that if they are acting in that way they must not be believers. In my head, I was justifying their reasons for acting rude, but what fell on my friend’s ears was significantly different. That was all it took. I didn’t realize the weight of my words until we left and hints of his aggravations were coming to light. Some comments were made putting me on the automatic defense I know too well. I’ll arm myself quickly. I truly did not mean the statement in that way. My friend just does not understand me. Not my problem, but his. All I meant was that when people don’t have the love of Christ we can’t expect them to act like Christians. And I believe that. But somewhere in my comment, I ceased to realize the judging tone that sprang out of my mouth. That I do not know their hearts. I momentarily forgot that I too have bad days, where I do not show the love of Christ.
That scenario was all it took, and I fell. Hard. Really, really hard. I fell harder off his pedestal than I have ever fallen off any pedestal I have made for myself. His rebuke rang in my ears as he said he would expect that comment from others but not from me. He was very wrong, since I am not beyond any sin. I apologized, accepted the rebuke. Felt nauseous actually. In my pride I hate being wrong. I knew he’d see me fall, but the level of his disappointment shocked me. I guess I had put on a pretty good façade before this point. Ha!
This is not the first time my words have been taken the wrong way, but this time I really stopped and thought about it. My friend told me that these types of comments were the very things that kept him away from the church and the Gospel. This arrogance that we as Christians have all the answers and would never, ever do something wrong. I realized that my words were almost taken personally, and I honestly can’t remember that last time I saw that type of disappointment in someone’s eyes.
This learning experience/slap in my face truly made me evaluate how quickly I speak. All in all it’s really for the best that my friend saw me fall flat on my face. To see me as I am, a sinner in need of Christ’s love every day of my life. I guess it was a refining moment from God. To teach me how to accept a hard rebuke, ask for forgiveness, and move forward with this new lesson. So even though I didn’t sleep that night, thank you to my friend for speaking truthfully to me. I am glad you saw me fall ungracefully to the ground. I am capable of any sin. May Christ make me more like Him and to be careful with my words despite my intentions behind them. May the love of Christ show through me despite my unrighteousness.
From ground level,
Taryn
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