I have these friends. And I swear to you that they will change the world. I looked around myself and found that I was not only with some of the dearest friends I'll make on this earth, but in fact I was in the midst of legends.
She has these bright blue, innocent eyes that conceal a maturity in life that I doubt few will ever reach. Her intelligence and quick wit flow from her mouth with a comfort and ease that you may miss if you aren't sitting close enough to hear. She went to a land where she was all alone and clearly an outsider. One of the things I remember the most after meeting her was the sweetness of her singing voice. While she was overseas she led people to Christ and even secretly baptized a new believer in a public swimming pool. She's brave and keeps moving through life with a grace that conceals all that covert cleverness. She goes where people won't. She will change the world. She will do so in the name of Christ.
She has a face that could undoubtedly light up the dark side of the moon. I've never quite seen someone smile the amount that she does or as beautifully. She exudes Christ and radiated him while she lived in a dark jungle of this world. This joyful spirit has hands that help and heal. Hands that seek out the untouchables, so that she can tell them of a God who came to this earth to love them. Because of her love of medicine and life she regularly looked for opportunities to deliver babies. Standing several feet taller than the people around her, she trekked out into the thick jungle looking for the spiritually lost with her equally amazing teammate. She will change the world. She will do so in the name of Christ.
He has one of those flashing grins that would convince anyone that he should host his own TV show. He doesn't let on to half of his secrets or random talents. He may or may not have learned Morse code for the fun of it to communicate with a friend through the ceiling AND randomly sounded it out as he translated the code for his friends one evening. He's a leader who points people to his Savior. A man who would give up his salvation for his friend overseas who has yet to accept Christ. He has been to the dark places where bombs go off and the certainty of safety and life have to be an afterthought so it doesn't consume you or force you into a corner of fear. He will change the world. He will do so in the name of Christ.
These are the legendary Christians who must remain nameless because of where they have been and where they will go. They are just a few of the many legends I know in the States and around the world who take up their cross to follow the One who saved us all, and they passionately seek Christ in all they do. They are in the ranks of the spiritual giants that we wish we could be like. And if you are ever looking for a strong name for one of your babies, just ask me. These friends are worthy of a namesake because of how they live life and the wake they will send out in the world. Truly a ripple affect that will bring more to knowing Christ and will mean more people spending eternity in heaven.
They are the friends who I can share thoughts with about being overseas, and they understand the desire. They are men and women who inspire, who challenge, and who live by the Word. They are my heroes. So when I found myself in their midst, I was amazed. Amazed at how God uses us, broken vessels, and turns us into legends whose life stories point to the cross and the empty tomb. Thank you guys for reminding me of our purpose and that as a legend it's okay to be a little (or a lot) crazy because sometimes that's what it takes to go into this dark, empty world.
These legends are totally aliens and I respect and love them for it. Hallelujah. Amen. I pray the Lord sends them out once again.
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Thursday, February 9, 2012
A Strange, Weirdo Alien
I was at therapy and noticed something different. Teenagers were there. Now this may not sound too strange to you except for the fact that I go to therapy in the morning, so school age kids aren't there until the afternoon. I'm the youngest patient there by who knows how many years, so it was a little strange to see young faces. As it turns out the teens were the children of my therapist out of school for winter break. I found out that the girl just had turned thirteen that day. On top of that she was reading Harry Potter, so I struck up a convo with her. After we hit the HP highlights we talked about other things. Like what usually happens when someone first meets me at therapy, she asked me why I was there and why I had scars on my knees. I gave her a quick answer of what happened (which actually never ends up being that short of a response because my lack of giving info leads to even more questioning). What's even more awesome is that I tell my story at least once a week, and sometimes to the same person who forgets that they've already asked me exactly what has happened.
As we continued talking, we got into the nitty gritty of the 7th grade world that she lives in. We talked about how kids can be mean, and I tried to give solid advice about how 7th grade wouldn't last forever. It's best to stay away from the mean girls and to be nice to everyone. She informed me that she does her best to stay away from "drama", and I think I told her a funny story or two about my 7th grade awkward self. Later we jumped rope together because it is lovely exercise for all involved. After awhile she confided in me that sometimes kids are mean to her.
She has had several hip operations and has a significant limp. She then went on to say how it doesn't bother her as much anymore when kids say things, but when she was younger she used to think she was an alien because of how different she was from everyone else. Then she smiled, telling me that she realizes now how silly that was. She's not an alien just because she limps. And besides, most people are used to it by now. When I asked her if she has much pain, in her vibrant teenage self she said, "No, not at all! That's kind of the crazy thing. It doesn't hurt." She's wearing a thick skin because of what she's been through, and I silently prayed for her. That one day she will have an impact on people for Christ. I felt like I walked away not telling her the entire truth about myself, even though we chatted about so much. Little did she know that even though she's not an alien, I'm a bona fide alien. Truly a stranger in this land.
I remember as a girl reading the passages in the Bible calling believers aliens, and I found this so fascinating. I loved space, I even have a favorite planet. Saturn because of the rings, duh. So the very thought of being an alien excited me. One time I even asked someone about it, and they explained it to me. We are not of this world. This is temporary. We aren't made for this fallen world. I am an alien. This has become even more of my identity since being home. I've gotten so weird. My dearest friends have assured that I was weird before (and thanks so much for that affirmation of being strange), but now it seems even more evident to me.
I wake up desiring purpose. A purpose with the Gospel wrapped around it tightly. I find myself stumbling and falling over my world here. Unsure of myself, and finding everything so foreign even though it should be so familiar. I express this to people and share the work going on around the world and how I want to live that life. I get the same look from people. It's always a little funny to me waiting for "the look." The one where I know what will be said shortly after: "isn't that dangerous? why overseas? you must love the adventure. maybe that's good and all, but what if you have a family?" And the list goes along those lines. I'm never offended. I just feel even more like an alien. One who doesn't desire the grind of life in the States. The one who doesn't want a white picket fence house with a mortgage and a dog. I'm NOT saying those things are wrong, I just don't want anything to do with that. The thought of that life scares me actually, because I see the value in some other things. And I have an astonishing fear of apathy setting in.
I'm constantly getting myself in trouble at church too. The size of church is so big compared to overseas. Not that the same great people and same not so great people don't exist in churches around the world. The volume is just overwhelming. A few weeks ago I went to church with some of my friends, who are amazing Godly friends, and I just couldn't focus. I found myself in a "worship experience" where the lights were bright (and changing colors), with a stage, stadium seating, with hundreds of people. I couldn't quite get myself in the worship mode. Maybe it's because worship isn't a mode. It isn't a song. It's our lifestyle. Don't get me wrong, once again. I know the hearts of some of the people that go to this church. They are good hearts. Hearts that love and serve the Lord. But, America is sure giving me a run for my money as far as understanding it all.
I found myself overwhelmed, out of whack, and when the sermon started I found myself looking at a sermon outline. The last time I had an outline in an academic setting, I was in middle school. I won't say any more to that. So that's when I checked out, and probably started writing this blog. The words come to me but if I don't capture them in that moment they flee, so I must pin them down. My mind wandered to my time in Spain, and my time in recovery. Speaking of which, I found myself ticked off that stairs are not so great for me. Choppy movements and without a hand rail I might fall down. Bitterness started settling in until...
A sudden a jerky movement caught my attention. A man, with what looked like a backwards walker, came into the service late. He looked around for a seat, but stayed back where he was. Another man turned around and saw him, got up, and left his seat for the man. Ah! A breath of fresh air. And a slap in the face that stairs are so much harder for this man than they will ever be for me. He couldn't have made it up the stadium seating if he wanted to. Thanks for the humility, Lord. Even if you must slap me over the head with it.
I continue to soak in everything around me. The American. The American hipster. The American with the white tennis shoes and blue jeans. The American socialite. The American teen. The American senior citizen. All put together in their own way. Making their own statements. Then I started to plan my escape from this place. From the States. From this world that I should know, but I find myself so uncomfortable in. Where could I go? How could I help somewhere?
I had a conversation with a friend one night several months ago. It was in the midst of a disagreement where we actually agreed for the most part. My friend looked at me and said that we have to have a level of apathy towards things because there's only so much we can do. We can't change the world and and fix it all. It took me awhile to process what he said and to mull it over. I finalized what I thought later on. I disagree with him. I can't be apathetic. Even if my lack of apathy looks like a simple prayer, I can't just ignore things so that I can feel better about myself or not worry myself with those things. This is where I find myself in life. I can't stand by and not look anymore. I crave the rawness of it all. Maybe after I get a big bite of it, I'll feel differently. Maybe not. I just find myself wanting to look more and more like Jesus and he didn't have an ounce of apathy in him. I find myself looking down at my clothes, all put together in church on Sunday, and wondering if I look like my Christ at all. Heart, mind, soul, and on the outside. Oh, such a mess I am.
So this is where I am. Waiting oh so impatiently for the big something that I need. Waiting and wondering if God remembers little ole me. Willing to be used by him. Begging him to not land me here, but unfortunately that's exactly where I am now. Waiting is just about to kill me. Life here is about to kill me. Which may sound so silly and dramatic considering I wasn't in the middle of Africa for the past year and a half. Nonetheless, I'm working on my faith. It's so small right now, and I have so many doubts about the purpose in me being here right now. Torture is an accurate word. I know what I want, I'm just not sure how to obtain it or accomplish it. Surely it's coming. Right? Am I the only one who's probably crazy? I sure hope not. La Biblia talks about this too,
"If we are “out of our mind,” as some say, it is for God; if we are in our right mind, it is for you. For Christ’s love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again"
2 Corinthians 5:13-15
So this is what drives me mad. The Gospel. The world's need for the Gospel. How I am to respond since I am young with all of the opportunities in the world in front of me. Not to mention being an educated individual. Not to mention EVERYTHING else that the Lord has given me. I challenge myself in the fog of these thoughts I have. I challenge myself to not forget my first love in the hustle of the work to get done around the world. But I think it is my love for my God that fuels me. The desire to see others know him. The desire to see others feel his healing touch. The world is broken. Only he can fix it. And I want to be in on the action because I've enlisted to be a warrior for him. To be made for something and not being able to do it is like taking air away. I'm trying to steady my breathing, but at times I feel as though I'm gasping. Gasping for him. Gasping to be part of his plan. Maybe I'm just a silly girl. Or maybe I'm just the weirdest alien you've ever come across. Welcome to my crazy thoughts. We shall see where this all goes...
I sure hope you're an alien,
Taryn
As we continued talking, we got into the nitty gritty of the 7th grade world that she lives in. We talked about how kids can be mean, and I tried to give solid advice about how 7th grade wouldn't last forever. It's best to stay away from the mean girls and to be nice to everyone. She informed me that she does her best to stay away from "drama", and I think I told her a funny story or two about my 7th grade awkward self. Later we jumped rope together because it is lovely exercise for all involved. After awhile she confided in me that sometimes kids are mean to her.
She has had several hip operations and has a significant limp. She then went on to say how it doesn't bother her as much anymore when kids say things, but when she was younger she used to think she was an alien because of how different she was from everyone else. Then she smiled, telling me that she realizes now how silly that was. She's not an alien just because she limps. And besides, most people are used to it by now. When I asked her if she has much pain, in her vibrant teenage self she said, "No, not at all! That's kind of the crazy thing. It doesn't hurt." She's wearing a thick skin because of what she's been through, and I silently prayed for her. That one day she will have an impact on people for Christ. I felt like I walked away not telling her the entire truth about myself, even though we chatted about so much. Little did she know that even though she's not an alien, I'm a bona fide alien. Truly a stranger in this land.
I remember as a girl reading the passages in the Bible calling believers aliens, and I found this so fascinating. I loved space, I even have a favorite planet. Saturn because of the rings, duh. So the very thought of being an alien excited me. One time I even asked someone about it, and they explained it to me. We are not of this world. This is temporary. We aren't made for this fallen world. I am an alien. This has become even more of my identity since being home. I've gotten so weird. My dearest friends have assured that I was weird before (and thanks so much for that affirmation of being strange), but now it seems even more evident to me.
I wake up desiring purpose. A purpose with the Gospel wrapped around it tightly. I find myself stumbling and falling over my world here. Unsure of myself, and finding everything so foreign even though it should be so familiar. I express this to people and share the work going on around the world and how I want to live that life. I get the same look from people. It's always a little funny to me waiting for "the look." The one where I know what will be said shortly after: "isn't that dangerous? why overseas? you must love the adventure. maybe that's good and all, but what if you have a family?" And the list goes along those lines. I'm never offended. I just feel even more like an alien. One who doesn't desire the grind of life in the States. The one who doesn't want a white picket fence house with a mortgage and a dog. I'm NOT saying those things are wrong, I just don't want anything to do with that. The thought of that life scares me actually, because I see the value in some other things. And I have an astonishing fear of apathy setting in.
I'm constantly getting myself in trouble at church too. The size of church is so big compared to overseas. Not that the same great people and same not so great people don't exist in churches around the world. The volume is just overwhelming. A few weeks ago I went to church with some of my friends, who are amazing Godly friends, and I just couldn't focus. I found myself in a "worship experience" where the lights were bright (and changing colors), with a stage, stadium seating, with hundreds of people. I couldn't quite get myself in the worship mode. Maybe it's because worship isn't a mode. It isn't a song. It's our lifestyle. Don't get me wrong, once again. I know the hearts of some of the people that go to this church. They are good hearts. Hearts that love and serve the Lord. But, America is sure giving me a run for my money as far as understanding it all.
I found myself overwhelmed, out of whack, and when the sermon started I found myself looking at a sermon outline. The last time I had an outline in an academic setting, I was in middle school. I won't say any more to that. So that's when I checked out, and probably started writing this blog. The words come to me but if I don't capture them in that moment they flee, so I must pin them down. My mind wandered to my time in Spain, and my time in recovery. Speaking of which, I found myself ticked off that stairs are not so great for me. Choppy movements and without a hand rail I might fall down. Bitterness started settling in until...
A sudden a jerky movement caught my attention. A man, with what looked like a backwards walker, came into the service late. He looked around for a seat, but stayed back where he was. Another man turned around and saw him, got up, and left his seat for the man. Ah! A breath of fresh air. And a slap in the face that stairs are so much harder for this man than they will ever be for me. He couldn't have made it up the stadium seating if he wanted to. Thanks for the humility, Lord. Even if you must slap me over the head with it.
I continue to soak in everything around me. The American. The American hipster. The American with the white tennis shoes and blue jeans. The American socialite. The American teen. The American senior citizen. All put together in their own way. Making their own statements. Then I started to plan my escape from this place. From the States. From this world that I should know, but I find myself so uncomfortable in. Where could I go? How could I help somewhere?
I had a conversation with a friend one night several months ago. It was in the midst of a disagreement where we actually agreed for the most part. My friend looked at me and said that we have to have a level of apathy towards things because there's only so much we can do. We can't change the world and and fix it all. It took me awhile to process what he said and to mull it over. I finalized what I thought later on. I disagree with him. I can't be apathetic. Even if my lack of apathy looks like a simple prayer, I can't just ignore things so that I can feel better about myself or not worry myself with those things. This is where I find myself in life. I can't stand by and not look anymore. I crave the rawness of it all. Maybe after I get a big bite of it, I'll feel differently. Maybe not. I just find myself wanting to look more and more like Jesus and he didn't have an ounce of apathy in him. I find myself looking down at my clothes, all put together in church on Sunday, and wondering if I look like my Christ at all. Heart, mind, soul, and on the outside. Oh, such a mess I am.
So this is where I am. Waiting oh so impatiently for the big something that I need. Waiting and wondering if God remembers little ole me. Willing to be used by him. Begging him to not land me here, but unfortunately that's exactly where I am now. Waiting is just about to kill me. Life here is about to kill me. Which may sound so silly and dramatic considering I wasn't in the middle of Africa for the past year and a half. Nonetheless, I'm working on my faith. It's so small right now, and I have so many doubts about the purpose in me being here right now. Torture is an accurate word. I know what I want, I'm just not sure how to obtain it or accomplish it. Surely it's coming. Right? Am I the only one who's probably crazy? I sure hope not. La Biblia talks about this too,
"If we are “out of our mind,” as some say, it is for God; if we are in our right mind, it is for you. For Christ’s love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again"
2 Corinthians 5:13-15
So this is what drives me mad. The Gospel. The world's need for the Gospel. How I am to respond since I am young with all of the opportunities in the world in front of me. Not to mention being an educated individual. Not to mention EVERYTHING else that the Lord has given me. I challenge myself in the fog of these thoughts I have. I challenge myself to not forget my first love in the hustle of the work to get done around the world. But I think it is my love for my God that fuels me. The desire to see others know him. The desire to see others feel his healing touch. The world is broken. Only he can fix it. And I want to be in on the action because I've enlisted to be a warrior for him. To be made for something and not being able to do it is like taking air away. I'm trying to steady my breathing, but at times I feel as though I'm gasping. Gasping for him. Gasping to be part of his plan. Maybe I'm just a silly girl. Or maybe I'm just the weirdest alien you've ever come across. Welcome to my crazy thoughts. We shall see where this all goes...
I sure hope you're an alien,
Taryn
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Only One Way to Finish
My journey started with running, so the only thing that made sense was to finish my journey with running. I retraced the steps that I knew so well two years ago at the Virginia training center. The path and the track I always set out before myself to finish. Running 5-6 times a week had become normal those two years ago before my course changed. And I had to do it again. Despite my surgery a little over a month ago, I once again had something to prove. I had returned for debriefing, and this was my chance.
I slipped away, past the barn and past the gate. Then I ran. I located a mailbox as my goal to make it to, steadied my breath, and made a decision to finish strong. I smiled and reflected about the many times I had done this same run. The times before the Lord decided to break my body for his glory. And the time I even ran in Spain before my recent surgery.
You may think I'm crazy to have done this, but I had no choice. I smiled with joy, teared up as I reflected on the many times I ran without knowing why. The encounters I had with God. The people I had prayed for who at one time had no name or face, but now my mind regularly sees their faces while their names are on my lips in prayer. My legs resisted a lot less than I thought they would being freshly rewounded. Amazingly enough, it seems as though my surgery for the removal of the metal was the right choice. I laughed because I could tell I would run more in the future.
I thought of the people I began my journey with. The ones I came to deeply love. The ones I met along the way. And the ones I wished I could hug again and tell them how special they are. I counted my steps back as I had finished my run. I had run 341 steps (walking steps that is). I praised the Lord and knew without him none of the pain and heartache of the past two years would have been worth it.
I saw the entire story this time. One that began with a girl wanting to tell the world about Christ, and one that ends with a girl who was blessed to do just that. All the bumps in the road are weaved in between. The many lessons that I have learned along the way.
I decided to finish this one strong. The way the Bible tells us to. The beginning and middle are not mentioned, so there's something significant about the end. The end is when you are tired. Finished. Often times fed up. Which is all the more reason to run. It was so much more than a physical run. It projected clearly the way I was made as a daughter of the heavenly Father. He has made me his warrior and citizen of the kingdom of God. The person who wants to stand at the gates of hell telling people of his love before they step through. And the woman who at the end of the race can say, the suffering was worth it and fades in comparison to knowing the King of kings and Lord of lords.
Thank you Lord for letting me physically run today and for letting me finish the race that we started two years ago. You are faithful.
I slipped away, past the barn and past the gate. Then I ran. I located a mailbox as my goal to make it to, steadied my breath, and made a decision to finish strong. I smiled and reflected about the many times I had done this same run. The times before the Lord decided to break my body for his glory. And the time I even ran in Spain before my recent surgery.
You may think I'm crazy to have done this, but I had no choice. I smiled with joy, teared up as I reflected on the many times I ran without knowing why. The encounters I had with God. The people I had prayed for who at one time had no name or face, but now my mind regularly sees their faces while their names are on my lips in prayer. My legs resisted a lot less than I thought they would being freshly rewounded. Amazingly enough, it seems as though my surgery for the removal of the metal was the right choice. I laughed because I could tell I would run more in the future.
I thought of the people I began my journey with. The ones I came to deeply love. The ones I met along the way. And the ones I wished I could hug again and tell them how special they are. I counted my steps back as I had finished my run. I had run 341 steps (walking steps that is). I praised the Lord and knew without him none of the pain and heartache of the past two years would have been worth it.
I saw the entire story this time. One that began with a girl wanting to tell the world about Christ, and one that ends with a girl who was blessed to do just that. All the bumps in the road are weaved in between. The many lessons that I have learned along the way.
I decided to finish this one strong. The way the Bible tells us to. The beginning and middle are not mentioned, so there's something significant about the end. The end is when you are tired. Finished. Often times fed up. Which is all the more reason to run. It was so much more than a physical run. It projected clearly the way I was made as a daughter of the heavenly Father. He has made me his warrior and citizen of the kingdom of God. The person who wants to stand at the gates of hell telling people of his love before they step through. And the woman who at the end of the race can say, the suffering was worth it and fades in comparison to knowing the King of kings and Lord of lords.
Thank you Lord for letting me physically run today and for letting me finish the race that we started two years ago. You are faithful.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Under the Knife... Again
My fears came true. I knew it was coming. I resisted. I hoped it wouldn't happen. I had cried over the prospect of this. But it all came down to the fact that I need more surgery to help with the swelling, pain, and discomfort I still face. You see, I still have these big ole metal rods and screws in my legs. This metal that once stabilized my very broken legs are no longer needed, and could actually be the source of the problems I still face. Some of the problems I still face are just a new reality for me.
We made the appointment for surgery. Mom and I got in the car and she turned to me asking how I was feeling. I had a decision to make. I could freak out. I could cry. I could throw a really great tantrum. But none of those things would help. I would have runny mascara, a red face, a flustered heart, and at the end of it all still be right where I started. So instead, I chose the peace of God that he so generously offers us. His peace that covers me in those moments of frustration and fear. I also told my mom that I'd be okay if she could get me to Sonic's happy hour for a diet vanilla coke. I think Sonic happy hour is God's gift to coke addicts who love great ice and flavour add ins.
Pray for me as I continue to face some of my fears with this entire ordeal: using a walker again, losing some of the progress I've made in the past two years, pain, and boredom as I heal.
My God is a big God, and nothing is too small for him. His love is constantly lavished on me. How blessed am I to have the medical care that I need? How blessed am I by a family who is right by my side and supports me every step of the way? Who am I to complain? Who am I to question God? We walk by faith and not by sight and surgeries and health concerns are no different. So I'm choosing the path that God sets out before me. I'm choosing to fall into his loving arms. He'll be there to catch me and comfort me. Thanks for your prayers. Thanks for walking alongside me continuously.
My surgery will be in a week, November 3 in the morning. I plan on healing quickly and being on my way in life :) We'll see what the Lord has in store.
In Him,
Taryn
We made the appointment for surgery. Mom and I got in the car and she turned to me asking how I was feeling. I had a decision to make. I could freak out. I could cry. I could throw a really great tantrum. But none of those things would help. I would have runny mascara, a red face, a flustered heart, and at the end of it all still be right where I started. So instead, I chose the peace of God that he so generously offers us. His peace that covers me in those moments of frustration and fear. I also told my mom that I'd be okay if she could get me to Sonic's happy hour for a diet vanilla coke. I think Sonic happy hour is God's gift to coke addicts who love great ice and flavour add ins.
Pray for me as I continue to face some of my fears with this entire ordeal: using a walker again, losing some of the progress I've made in the past two years, pain, and boredom as I heal.
My God is a big God, and nothing is too small for him. His love is constantly lavished on me. How blessed am I to have the medical care that I need? How blessed am I by a family who is right by my side and supports me every step of the way? Who am I to complain? Who am I to question God? We walk by faith and not by sight and surgeries and health concerns are no different. So I'm choosing the path that God sets out before me. I'm choosing to fall into his loving arms. He'll be there to catch me and comfort me. Thanks for your prayers. Thanks for walking alongside me continuously.
My surgery will be in a week, November 3 in the morning. I plan on healing quickly and being on my way in life :) We'll see what the Lord has in store.
In Him,
Taryn
Saturday, October 8, 2011
September/October Update
Home is Where the Heart is
My trip to France went well, and I cannot believe that it has come and gone. My last few months of my term have flown by, and the time has come to return home.
I have been reflecting a lot over my last 2 years. I do not think there are words to adequately encompass the magnitude of what I have seen and experienced. I have walked through fire and found that I was not alone, but God was with me. I have questioned my faith only to find it stronger and more refined. My character has changed and I stay up at night reflecting and wondering what it is the Lord is teaching me. I have stood at the gates of hell beckoning those around me to know my Savior. Most importantly, I have fallen even more in love with my Creator.
Reflecting can be good. Reflecting can be difficult and sad. I am walking away from so much, and walking away knowing that I must trust God with the relationships I have made. I must trust him with the souls that I constantly intercede for. I know that once I’m back in the States he will bring others into my life that I will have the urge to share the truth with.
So I coming home. I coming home to many questions without answers. I coming home to a home that really isn’t my home anymore. Maybe it never was. You see, I have struggled with this concept of where I belong. Desiring a home. Desiring of place to feel settled. But the Lord has shown me something quite different from this concept. I am not of this world. I am an alien and stranger. How can one feel at home when they are not of the land they are in? My citizenship is of the Kingdom of God. No other citizenship can I truly claim.
So what they say is true. Home is where the heart is. And the Bible clearly tells me to not “lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”
I know my treasure in Christ. My heart is with him. My citizenship is of his eternal kingdom. So until the day I see his face, I will feel restless. In the meantime I plan on making his name known. May we advance his kingdom. I can be okay knowing where my true home is as I return to my earthly home. For now.
Thank You
As I am wrapping things up, I cannot say thank you enough. Your encouragement from the beginning to the end have meant so much. I started out my journey excited and nervous, then I hit a rather large bump in the road (and a few more after that one) to finally returning home. Without your prayers I know I would have been lost. Without God’s guidance and love I would have forgotten in the midst of the craziness the true reason why I came to Spain.
Thank you for being prayer warriors for me and for allowing me to be a prayer warrior for you. As my time is over and this is my last newsletter, I would like to offer that if at anytime anyone needs prayer, please email me. I would love to continue to serve you in this way and act as the church is supposed to in “bearing one another’s burdens.”
Prayer reminds us that we are not alone. Thank you for being a part in teaching me this lesson.
I know this update is short, but I will be posting more on my blog (and already have) as I close things out. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
PRAYER REQUESTS
Transition home
any upcoming surgeries I may have
PRAISES
A blessed season of seeing God at work
Growth in my walk with the Lord
My trip to France went well, and I cannot believe that it has come and gone. My last few months of my term have flown by, and the time has come to return home.
I have been reflecting a lot over my last 2 years. I do not think there are words to adequately encompass the magnitude of what I have seen and experienced. I have walked through fire and found that I was not alone, but God was with me. I have questioned my faith only to find it stronger and more refined. My character has changed and I stay up at night reflecting and wondering what it is the Lord is teaching me. I have stood at the gates of hell beckoning those around me to know my Savior. Most importantly, I have fallen even more in love with my Creator.
Reflecting can be good. Reflecting can be difficult and sad. I am walking away from so much, and walking away knowing that I must trust God with the relationships I have made. I must trust him with the souls that I constantly intercede for. I know that once I’m back in the States he will bring others into my life that I will have the urge to share the truth with.
So I coming home. I coming home to many questions without answers. I coming home to a home that really isn’t my home anymore. Maybe it never was. You see, I have struggled with this concept of where I belong. Desiring a home. Desiring of place to feel settled. But the Lord has shown me something quite different from this concept. I am not of this world. I am an alien and stranger. How can one feel at home when they are not of the land they are in? My citizenship is of the Kingdom of God. No other citizenship can I truly claim.
So what they say is true. Home is where the heart is. And the Bible clearly tells me to not “lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”
I know my treasure in Christ. My heart is with him. My citizenship is of his eternal kingdom. So until the day I see his face, I will feel restless. In the meantime I plan on making his name known. May we advance his kingdom. I can be okay knowing where my true home is as I return to my earthly home. For now.
Thank You
As I am wrapping things up, I cannot say thank you enough. Your encouragement from the beginning to the end have meant so much. I started out my journey excited and nervous, then I hit a rather large bump in the road (and a few more after that one) to finally returning home. Without your prayers I know I would have been lost. Without God’s guidance and love I would have forgotten in the midst of the craziness the true reason why I came to Spain.
Thank you for being prayer warriors for me and for allowing me to be a prayer warrior for you. As my time is over and this is my last newsletter, I would like to offer that if at anytime anyone needs prayer, please email me. I would love to continue to serve you in this way and act as the church is supposed to in “bearing one another’s burdens.”
Prayer reminds us that we are not alone. Thank you for being a part in teaching me this lesson.
I know this update is short, but I will be posting more on my blog (and already have) as I close things out. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
PRAYER REQUESTS
Transition home
any upcoming surgeries I may have
PRAISES
A blessed season of seeing God at work
Growth in my walk with the Lord
Sunday, October 2, 2011
The Normal I Leave Behind
As my time is winding down in Spain it is interesting to think about the things that were once new and strange to me. Many of these things are part of my day to day life now, and as I head home it’s funny to think they are my new normal that I’ll be leaving in a few weeks. Some of these things are funny and others break my heart. Some of these things are little and others are big.
•on the way to therapy there is a man who is always on crutches who has a flower shop- he sits and studies music and makes the most beautiful sounds with his guitar. I always take out my head phones to listen. I pray for his injuries and that he finds comfort in my Christ.
•You greet to kiss one another. First to the left then to the right. One day I was in the elevator with a guy my age and introduced myself. He leaned forward for a kiss. I got nervous until I realized that since we had formally met, we greet one another with a kiss. I’m used to it now.
•Small elevators-please imagine this considering the previous comment
•Smoking laws have been passed in Spain where you can no longer smoke in bars or restaurants. Before I would regularly come home reeking of smoke.
•There is a man that always begs on the street where I am. I will not give money to beggars, but I will buy food or a meal if they are hungry. I do not always do that, but I do always acknowledge them as a person and say hi. He knows I won’t give him money so he has resorted to just greeting me back every time we see one another.
•Our doorman, Gregorio, has a very strong accent and at times it is impossible to understand him. I keep a mental tally: Taryn vs. Gregorio of the times that I understand and the times I do not. I think I’m finally catching up to him.
•Seeing somewhat famous people at physical therapy (bullfighters, newscasters, actors) and having no idea who they are since I’m not Spanish.
•Bus #1 which goes right by my house is the best bus in all of Madrid. It gets me home, to therapy, and down to the city center.
•I’m pretty sure I can navigate any public transportation now… I’ve done so in at least 10 cities in the past 2 years
•When waiting at a bus stop Spaniards keep a mental note of who was there first. Then they get on the bus according to that order. They yell if you do not follow it.
•Knowing that the bakeries in Spain have desserts that look good. The taste isn’t so great.
•Spaniards wait for you to cross the street at crosswalks. If they don’t follow the rules it’s completely appropriate to throw your hands up in the air and act angry. Sometimes you don’t have to act at all. You really are mad!
•Introducing chocolate chip cookies to my therapists and them being amazed at how wonderful they are.
•Learning to make peanut butter because buying it is super expensive and I felt very accomplished in doing this.
•Finding fresh milk and swearing that I’d never go back to the boxed milk you get off the shelf. Gotta make daddy proud.
•Language blunders never cease to be the most inappropriate things you could say. I won’t go into further detail.
•Going to Pablo and Carmen’s Bible study each Friday night for the past year and being amazed at how God’s word has shaped and changed the lives of those there. He answers their prayers and they are lavished by his love despite their circumstances.
•Early mornings are non-existent in Spain. The sun comes up around 8 and goes down as late as 10 pm.
•Missing some big things back home (Darren and Jeannine’s engagement party, friends’ weddings) and realizing life goes on without you. And that’s okay because my life has gone on as well.
•Knowing that because I choose to live away my time with you all this side of heaven may be limited. But we’ll have an eternity to catch up.
•Begging God for the salvation of my friends here and for people back home.
•Cooking and baking more than I ever thought possible. And liking it.
•Eating while walking or on public transportation is not seen and is somewhat inappropriate. You should see the looks you get.
•If you have a birthday and invite everyone out to eat, it’s the birthday person’s treat to everyone else.
•Mondays are apparently the best day for washing windows. All stores have people out cleaning the store front.
•Churros con chocolate-You get a mug of thick chocolate and dip these thick donuts like pastries in it. Very Spanish.
•The button for flushing a toilet is not on the side. It is on the top.
•Spaniards are all about the lottery. A lottery ticket is a common Christmas gift among friends.
•Spaniards tell me I’m blond. And I argue regularly with people that I have brown eyes not green. This would never be a question in the States.
•You see prostitutes on the highways and there is one street in the middle of the city center where prostitutes openly line up to work. My heart breaks every time I see the emptiness in their eyes.
•Getting excited when you hear English.
•Having a local restaurant/café where everyone knows who you are.
•Light switches are different. They are flat buttons.
•Spaniards conserve energy. In the metro unless someone is on the escalator and sets off the sensors it stops running. Same thing with lights.
•Letting my clothes air dry because clothes dryers are not common.
•I have not driven in a year and a half. I hope I remember how to get gas.
•Separate checks do not exist in Europe… you are constantly owing somebody money and trying to piece together your money to pay for your meal, café, etc. It’s like a puzzle.
•I have seen this side of the world. I have found it beautiful and charming with its intricacies and secrets to unveil. Yet not even the sites I’ve seen or the places I’ve been can fill my heart and give me purpose like knowing Christ does.
So here I go home! I go home to find yet another new normal. I find that it's okay I'm having to do that.
Onward,
Taryn
•on the way to therapy there is a man who is always on crutches who has a flower shop- he sits and studies music and makes the most beautiful sounds with his guitar. I always take out my head phones to listen. I pray for his injuries and that he finds comfort in my Christ.
•You greet to kiss one another. First to the left then to the right. One day I was in the elevator with a guy my age and introduced myself. He leaned forward for a kiss. I got nervous until I realized that since we had formally met, we greet one another with a kiss. I’m used to it now.
•Small elevators-please imagine this considering the previous comment
•Smoking laws have been passed in Spain where you can no longer smoke in bars or restaurants. Before I would regularly come home reeking of smoke.
•There is a man that always begs on the street where I am. I will not give money to beggars, but I will buy food or a meal if they are hungry. I do not always do that, but I do always acknowledge them as a person and say hi. He knows I won’t give him money so he has resorted to just greeting me back every time we see one another.
•Our doorman, Gregorio, has a very strong accent and at times it is impossible to understand him. I keep a mental tally: Taryn vs. Gregorio of the times that I understand and the times I do not. I think I’m finally catching up to him.
•Seeing somewhat famous people at physical therapy (bullfighters, newscasters, actors) and having no idea who they are since I’m not Spanish.
•Bus #1 which goes right by my house is the best bus in all of Madrid. It gets me home, to therapy, and down to the city center.
•I’m pretty sure I can navigate any public transportation now… I’ve done so in at least 10 cities in the past 2 years
•When waiting at a bus stop Spaniards keep a mental note of who was there first. Then they get on the bus according to that order. They yell if you do not follow it.
•Knowing that the bakeries in Spain have desserts that look good. The taste isn’t so great.
•Spaniards wait for you to cross the street at crosswalks. If they don’t follow the rules it’s completely appropriate to throw your hands up in the air and act angry. Sometimes you don’t have to act at all. You really are mad!
•Introducing chocolate chip cookies to my therapists and them being amazed at how wonderful they are.
•Learning to make peanut butter because buying it is super expensive and I felt very accomplished in doing this.
•Finding fresh milk and swearing that I’d never go back to the boxed milk you get off the shelf. Gotta make daddy proud.
•Language blunders never cease to be the most inappropriate things you could say. I won’t go into further detail.
•Going to Pablo and Carmen’s Bible study each Friday night for the past year and being amazed at how God’s word has shaped and changed the lives of those there. He answers their prayers and they are lavished by his love despite their circumstances.
•Early mornings are non-existent in Spain. The sun comes up around 8 and goes down as late as 10 pm.
•Missing some big things back home (Darren and Jeannine’s engagement party, friends’ weddings) and realizing life goes on without you. And that’s okay because my life has gone on as well.
•Knowing that because I choose to live away my time with you all this side of heaven may be limited. But we’ll have an eternity to catch up.
•Begging God for the salvation of my friends here and for people back home.
•Cooking and baking more than I ever thought possible. And liking it.
•Eating while walking or on public transportation is not seen and is somewhat inappropriate. You should see the looks you get.
•If you have a birthday and invite everyone out to eat, it’s the birthday person’s treat to everyone else.
•Mondays are apparently the best day for washing windows. All stores have people out cleaning the store front.
•Churros con chocolate-You get a mug of thick chocolate and dip these thick donuts like pastries in it. Very Spanish.
•The button for flushing a toilet is not on the side. It is on the top.
•Spaniards are all about the lottery. A lottery ticket is a common Christmas gift among friends.
•Spaniards tell me I’m blond. And I argue regularly with people that I have brown eyes not green. This would never be a question in the States.
•You see prostitutes on the highways and there is one street in the middle of the city center where prostitutes openly line up to work. My heart breaks every time I see the emptiness in their eyes.
•Getting excited when you hear English.
•Having a local restaurant/café where everyone knows who you are.
•Light switches are different. They are flat buttons.
•Spaniards conserve energy. In the metro unless someone is on the escalator and sets off the sensors it stops running. Same thing with lights.
•Letting my clothes air dry because clothes dryers are not common.
•I have not driven in a year and a half. I hope I remember how to get gas.
•Separate checks do not exist in Europe… you are constantly owing somebody money and trying to piece together your money to pay for your meal, café, etc. It’s like a puzzle.
•I have seen this side of the world. I have found it beautiful and charming with its intricacies and secrets to unveil. Yet not even the sites I’ve seen or the places I’ve been can fill my heart and give me purpose like knowing Christ does.
So here I go home! I go home to find yet another new normal. I find that it's okay I'm having to do that.
Onward,
Taryn
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Advice to my 15 year old self
Recently one of my good friends from highschool, Courtney, sent me a DVD of home videos of us from 8th grade through our senior year. Needless to say there was a little bit of everything! There was even some amazing footage of us playing percussion in the Jr. High band. And looking back you realize how glad you are that you made it out of those awkward years. Very awkward years.
There was footage of us talking about Golddusters, the dance squad we were on that took up most of our time throughout highschool. We talked about boys. We talked about life, marriage, food, what other people were doing, and just about anything you can imagine highschool girls talking about. Watching myself in these videos was really comical and interesting at the same time.
Looking back at my 15 year old self I am amazed at what has happened in my life these past 10 years. With that I think I would have some advice to give to myself or some things to tell myself to look forward to. Within these truths I have learned, I can see that they are not things life have taught me. They are things God has shown and revealed to me alone.
Do not delay your obedience. You will suffer the consequences even if you do eventually get around to do what God asked.
You will face trials. Prepare yourself. Your faith will be tried by fire. By the grace of God alone you will come through.
You will see the nations and yearn for their salvation.
You will live around the world. You will love it.
Excuses come fast. Ignore them and how Satan wants to distract from the things God has spoken to you.
Love well. You will encounter many you do not want to love, but you must
As soon as you say you don’t want to do something, God, seemingly and maybe with a little chuckle, will ask you to do just that. Be open at all times to his call. There are blessings in that.
Do not be tempted by the things of this world. Materialism is justified by the American dream and culture. Fight against that.
Responsibility will fall upon you that you do not want. You won’t know what to do unless you seek the Lord. Know he has given this to you expecting you to do great things for his kingdom.
Plunge into the Bible. When Satan attacks those scriptures will come to your mind to revive you.
God will show you things you never would imagine if only you’ll follow him.
You will understand what it means for God's heart and desires to become your own.
There is a seen and unseen war. Fight the good fight begging those around you to respond to the love of Christ.
Do not get weary of doing good.
The world will know you are a follower of Christ by how you love other followers and people who have yet to know of his love.
Thanks be to him for teaching me these lessons over the past ten years. And praise be to him the person he is shaping me to be. Pray that I continue to grow into these things and hold them as truth.
In Him,
Taryn
There was footage of us talking about Golddusters, the dance squad we were on that took up most of our time throughout highschool. We talked about boys. We talked about life, marriage, food, what other people were doing, and just about anything you can imagine highschool girls talking about. Watching myself in these videos was really comical and interesting at the same time.
Looking back at my 15 year old self I am amazed at what has happened in my life these past 10 years. With that I think I would have some advice to give to myself or some things to tell myself to look forward to. Within these truths I have learned, I can see that they are not things life have taught me. They are things God has shown and revealed to me alone.
Do not delay your obedience. You will suffer the consequences even if you do eventually get around to do what God asked.
You will face trials. Prepare yourself. Your faith will be tried by fire. By the grace of God alone you will come through.
You will see the nations and yearn for their salvation.
You will live around the world. You will love it.
Excuses come fast. Ignore them and how Satan wants to distract from the things God has spoken to you.
Love well. You will encounter many you do not want to love, but you must
As soon as you say you don’t want to do something, God, seemingly and maybe with a little chuckle, will ask you to do just that. Be open at all times to his call. There are blessings in that.
Do not be tempted by the things of this world. Materialism is justified by the American dream and culture. Fight against that.
Responsibility will fall upon you that you do not want. You won’t know what to do unless you seek the Lord. Know he has given this to you expecting you to do great things for his kingdom.
Plunge into the Bible. When Satan attacks those scriptures will come to your mind to revive you.
God will show you things you never would imagine if only you’ll follow him.
You will understand what it means for God's heart and desires to become your own.
There is a seen and unseen war. Fight the good fight begging those around you to respond to the love of Christ.
Do not get weary of doing good.
The world will know you are a follower of Christ by how you love other followers and people who have yet to know of his love.
Thanks be to him for teaching me these lessons over the past ten years. And praise be to him the person he is shaping me to be. Pray that I continue to grow into these things and hold them as truth.
In Him,
Taryn
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