Reason Enough?

I was in the hospital bed set up in our home with tears streaming down my face. Tears seemed to be an often occurrence a year ago, and they haven't ceased much since then. This time my tears weren't because of anything but a desire for a reason. I was crying to my mom because I wanted to be doing my job, sharing NOT about religion BUT about the love that's available for us in Christ. Crying I said to my mom that I just needed for there to be someone, one day, that looked at me and said, "I met you so I could know this truth." She responded back that I may or may not ever hear that. It's not so much a need of it being all about me as much as knowing that you are on the right path that God has for you. When our world shatters into a million pieces, we search for the foundation. I needed that reason so badly.

A rapid fire conversation in Spanish and English was occurring as a middle age man told me about how much he really was enjoying life right now. He was by far, one of the liveliest Spaniards I've met, as he was sharing about things he was doing in life. Somehow the conversation turned to love, energy, and God. He quickly scribbled out on a piece of paper that love=energy=God. He said that he figured this was a really good way to explain life and looked at me for a response. Immediately I was aware of the opportunity before me. I gently shook my head and drew a different diagram. I put God at the top and then drew lines down to love and energy. The man appeared a little perplexed, so I continued to explain that things in this world must have an origin. The "big bang" (or whatever it was) has to come from somewhere. I told him that I was certain this somewhere was God. He seemed interested, so I continued on saying that I truly believed God made love and energy and all the things of this world. I went on also to explain that He desires a relationship with us, even though we are part of a world with bad things in it. I told him this path was through Christ as explained in the Bible.

Now in post-modern, post-Christian Europe, it's very common for the conversation to end here. Which is fully what I expected. But no, my God was at work in this man's heart. The man exclaimed how he saw that this could make sense, and then asked me where he should start reading in the Bible. He said he had never thought of it like this before, and that he wanted to learn more. I told him Matthew as I felt a little light headed at how positively he responded to what I had said. The Spanish man then asked if he needed anything else to read the Bible with. He had some Catholic background, so the Bible wasn't completely foreign to him. I told him that God was sufficient and that the Holy Spirit would help him understand things in the Bible. I was astounded.

He looked at me and then said, "This may sound weird, but I think I met you tonight just so that I'd start thinking about these things. I know that must sound very strange, and I don't mean it to. It's just that I believe these things happen."

I told him I believed these things happened for a reason as well. He just didn't know how big of a reason it was for me.

A friend of mine, B, is searching. He's searching but he hasn't the slightest clue what for. He thinks it's for a job, he thinks it's for love, but none of this fills the emptiness. I went over to hang out with him and some of his friends one evening. I arrived right before everyone else did (even though I made a point to be late, I was still the 1st there, I'm such an American!) I caught up with B on what had been going on in life and the emptiness in his eyes told me all I needed to know. He's lost.

About 5 minutes later more friends started to arrive and the lost look in his eyes were covered up with jokes he was making with friends and hearing about other people's work and life. But it was too late for me to be fooled. I had already seen the emptiness that humans are masters at covering up. B couldn't hide it without the distractions around him. Too many times I just assume people are fine because they appear like it's all together on the outside. You catch someone without the distractions and you see the truth.

I needed to share these things tonight as I am itching like crazy because of another allergic reaction and because I am so frustrated that I'm not better completely. I've been frustrated to the point of tears several times today (good thing mom's here!) I had to just stop and talk to God about it all. And He reminded me that He has me here for a reason and the thing that keeps me going is the emptiness in their eyes. A year ago I was looking for someone to validate me in that there's a reason for me to be here. God graciously gave me the answer I was looking for, and now has reminded me that I must remain here to keep proclaiming the truth. The work here is taking off and the attacks are getting stronger for the entire Diaspora team. Please be on your knees for us as we proclaim truth in a city full of people with emptiness in their eyes.