2nd String

If you know anything about sports, you know that the string you are on signifies how good of a player you are. First string starts and second string fills in when the first string cannot fulfill their responsibilities for whatever reason. While growing up I always went to Darren's (my brother) football games. During this time, I would hear him talking about the strings, who played what position, and what he thought about those people playing those positions. Strings were important for him, because you want to be on the 1st string because you want to be considered a great player!

Recently the decision has been made for me to sit out this next trailblazer trip to London. This is for several reasons. First off, the trip to Valencia was still too hard for me; I'm not able to walk like I need to without experiencing quite a bit of pain and without feeling tired. Another reason is so I can continue with my physical therapy here in Madrid. I am very blessed because my supervisor has been nothing but understanding through all of this. From the beginning of when the accident occurred, he has allowed me to remain on this team and has helped allowed me to remain a part of this team. Even though I know this decision of me staying in Madrid is for the best, disappointments and frustrations still stir in my heart. I feel as though I'm on the 2nd string, and there doesn't seem to be anything I can do to change that.

I have work that I'll be doing in Madrid, but selfishly it just doesn't feel like it will be as exciting as the work in London that I should be doing. Through this I still keep looking at God and asking why. I can't help but to wonder if I'm more of a hindrance to the work than a help. Brook is having to go and do this part of the job alone this time. Granted there are 3 couples in London that can help, I feel guilty that I'm not well enough to be there trailblazing.

It seems as though I keep facing barriers. I'm having to learn to change these things in my mind from barriers to opportunities. But it's so hard. Quite honestly, I'm tired of keeping my chin up and tired of looking on the brighter side of things. Despite the tantrum I would really like to throw, I'm still just turning to God. I'm learning to turn to Him with my arms completely open because I don't want to be clutching on to anything but Him. He gives and takes away, in the big things and small. In my worldly view I feel as though I'm on the 2nd string, but I'm not. I'm exactly where God wanted me to be. Over and over again it's necessary for me to go back to where this process began, so I can be certain that I'm supposed to be here.

I encountered spiritual warfare through the initial interview process that kept me awake most nights. Once my application was submitted it lifted. I turned down another job opportunity before I even knew I had an interview (not even a job) with IMB. I waited another 2 weeks to finally get an interview and the doors opened from there. The right job was there and the right teammate as well. I had SUCH a peace during the interview process and when I was waiting on my job assignment.

Something very private I'm willing to share is about one night during the interview. If you know me, one of my "love languages" is physical touch. I love hugs from my family and friends and am always holding hands with my parents. The night before my one on one interview I had painted my fingernails, so I was resting with my hands out, so the nails could continue to dry. As I was laying I felt someone holding my hands. At first I thought this was weird, shook my hands and rested them out again. Once again I felt someone holding my hands.

I can't tell you how many times I've had to go back to that moment to be reminded that God is right here with me. I think God gives us these moments for us to go back to so we can testify that He's real. He's so real that He can literally touch me because this is one of the ways I feel the most loved. When I remember this I am encouraged that I'm not walking this road alone. There's purpose in this road, and no matter what He's first, not me. So I lift up this broken spirit to Him and ask Him to do with it what He can.

Please pray for Brook as she's in London for 5 weeks. Please pray for me while I do research and continue with therapy. Thankfully my mom is getting to come visit me for a couple of weeks and for my birthday, and we are soooo excited to see one another.

I have seen Truth, so it's just not an option to walk away when things get tough. So I won't walk away, I'll just keep moving forward leaning on His understanding and not mine. Your prayers carry me to our Father, and I can't thank you enough for walking this with me.

1st string,
Taryn