Home is Where the Heart is
My trip to France went well, and I cannot believe that it has come and gone. My last few months of my term have flown by, and the time has come to return home.
I have been reflecting a lot over my last 2 years. I do not think there are words to adequately encompass the magnitude of what I have seen and experienced. I have walked through fire and found that I was not alone, but God was with me. I have questioned my faith only to find it stronger and more refined. My character has changed and I stay up at night reflecting and wondering what it is the Lord is teaching me. I have stood at the gates of hell beckoning those around me to know my Savior. Most importantly, I have fallen even more in love with my Creator.
Reflecting can be good. Reflecting can be difficult and sad. I am walking away from so much, and walking away knowing that I must trust God with the relationships I have made. I must trust him with the souls that I constantly intercede for. I know that once I’m back in the States he will bring others into my life that I will have the urge to share the truth with.
So I coming home. I coming home to many questions without answers. I coming home to a home that really isn’t my home anymore. Maybe it never was. You see, I have struggled with this concept of where I belong. Desiring a home. Desiring of place to feel settled. But the Lord has shown me something quite different from this concept. I am not of this world. I am an alien and stranger. How can one feel at home when they are not of the land they are in? My citizenship is of the Kingdom of God. No other citizenship can I truly claim.
So what they say is true. Home is where the heart is. And the Bible clearly tells me to not “lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”
I know my treasure in Christ. My heart is with him. My citizenship is of his eternal kingdom. So until the day I see his face, I will feel restless. In the meantime I plan on making his name known. May we advance his kingdom. I can be okay knowing where my true home is as I return to my earthly home. For now.
Thank You
As I am wrapping things up, I cannot say thank you enough. Your encouragement from the beginning to the end have meant so much. I started out my journey excited and nervous, then I hit a rather large bump in the road (and a few more after that one) to finally returning home. Without your prayers I know I would have been lost. Without God’s guidance and love I would have forgotten in the midst of the craziness the true reason why I came to Spain.
Thank you for being prayer warriors for me and for allowing me to be a prayer warrior for you. As my time is over and this is my last newsletter, I would like to offer that if at anytime anyone needs prayer, please email me. I would love to continue to serve you in this way and act as the church is supposed to in “bearing one another’s burdens.”
Prayer reminds us that we are not alone. Thank you for being a part in teaching me this lesson.
I know this update is short, but I will be posting more on my blog (and already have) as I close things out. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
PRAYER REQUESTS
Transition home
any upcoming surgeries I may have
PRAISES
A blessed season of seeing God at work
Growth in my walk with the Lord
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Sunday, October 2, 2011
The Normal I Leave Behind
As my time is winding down in Spain it is interesting to think about the things that were once new and strange to me. Many of these things are part of my day to day life now, and as I head home it’s funny to think they are my new normal that I’ll be leaving in a few weeks. Some of these things are funny and others break my heart. Some of these things are little and others are big.
•on the way to therapy there is a man who is always on crutches who has a flower shop- he sits and studies music and makes the most beautiful sounds with his guitar. I always take out my head phones to listen. I pray for his injuries and that he finds comfort in my Christ.
•You greet to kiss one another. First to the left then to the right. One day I was in the elevator with a guy my age and introduced myself. He leaned forward for a kiss. I got nervous until I realized that since we had formally met, we greet one another with a kiss. I’m used to it now.
•Small elevators-please imagine this considering the previous comment
•Smoking laws have been passed in Spain where you can no longer smoke in bars or restaurants. Before I would regularly come home reeking of smoke.
•There is a man that always begs on the street where I am. I will not give money to beggars, but I will buy food or a meal if they are hungry. I do not always do that, but I do always acknowledge them as a person and say hi. He knows I won’t give him money so he has resorted to just greeting me back every time we see one another.
•Our doorman, Gregorio, has a very strong accent and at times it is impossible to understand him. I keep a mental tally: Taryn vs. Gregorio of the times that I understand and the times I do not. I think I’m finally catching up to him.
•Seeing somewhat famous people at physical therapy (bullfighters, newscasters, actors) and having no idea who they are since I’m not Spanish.
•Bus #1 which goes right by my house is the best bus in all of Madrid. It gets me home, to therapy, and down to the city center.
•I’m pretty sure I can navigate any public transportation now… I’ve done so in at least 10 cities in the past 2 years
•When waiting at a bus stop Spaniards keep a mental note of who was there first. Then they get on the bus according to that order. They yell if you do not follow it.
•Knowing that the bakeries in Spain have desserts that look good. The taste isn’t so great.
•Spaniards wait for you to cross the street at crosswalks. If they don’t follow the rules it’s completely appropriate to throw your hands up in the air and act angry. Sometimes you don’t have to act at all. You really are mad!
•Introducing chocolate chip cookies to my therapists and them being amazed at how wonderful they are.
•Learning to make peanut butter because buying it is super expensive and I felt very accomplished in doing this.
•Finding fresh milk and swearing that I’d never go back to the boxed milk you get off the shelf. Gotta make daddy proud.
•Language blunders never cease to be the most inappropriate things you could say. I won’t go into further detail.
•Going to Pablo and Carmen’s Bible study each Friday night for the past year and being amazed at how God’s word has shaped and changed the lives of those there. He answers their prayers and they are lavished by his love despite their circumstances.
•Early mornings are non-existent in Spain. The sun comes up around 8 and goes down as late as 10 pm.
•Missing some big things back home (Darren and Jeannine’s engagement party, friends’ weddings) and realizing life goes on without you. And that’s okay because my life has gone on as well.
•Knowing that because I choose to live away my time with you all this side of heaven may be limited. But we’ll have an eternity to catch up.
•Begging God for the salvation of my friends here and for people back home.
•Cooking and baking more than I ever thought possible. And liking it.
•Eating while walking or on public transportation is not seen and is somewhat inappropriate. You should see the looks you get.
•If you have a birthday and invite everyone out to eat, it’s the birthday person’s treat to everyone else.
•Mondays are apparently the best day for washing windows. All stores have people out cleaning the store front.
•Churros con chocolate-You get a mug of thick chocolate and dip these thick donuts like pastries in it. Very Spanish.
•The button for flushing a toilet is not on the side. It is on the top.
•Spaniards are all about the lottery. A lottery ticket is a common Christmas gift among friends.
•Spaniards tell me I’m blond. And I argue regularly with people that I have brown eyes not green. This would never be a question in the States.
•You see prostitutes on the highways and there is one street in the middle of the city center where prostitutes openly line up to work. My heart breaks every time I see the emptiness in their eyes.
•Getting excited when you hear English.
•Having a local restaurant/café where everyone knows who you are.
•Light switches are different. They are flat buttons.
•Spaniards conserve energy. In the metro unless someone is on the escalator and sets off the sensors it stops running. Same thing with lights.
•Letting my clothes air dry because clothes dryers are not common.
•I have not driven in a year and a half. I hope I remember how to get gas.
•Separate checks do not exist in Europe… you are constantly owing somebody money and trying to piece together your money to pay for your meal, café, etc. It’s like a puzzle.
•I have seen this side of the world. I have found it beautiful and charming with its intricacies and secrets to unveil. Yet not even the sites I’ve seen or the places I’ve been can fill my heart and give me purpose like knowing Christ does.
So here I go home! I go home to find yet another new normal. I find that it's okay I'm having to do that.
Onward,
Taryn
•on the way to therapy there is a man who is always on crutches who has a flower shop- he sits and studies music and makes the most beautiful sounds with his guitar. I always take out my head phones to listen. I pray for his injuries and that he finds comfort in my Christ.
•You greet to kiss one another. First to the left then to the right. One day I was in the elevator with a guy my age and introduced myself. He leaned forward for a kiss. I got nervous until I realized that since we had formally met, we greet one another with a kiss. I’m used to it now.
•Small elevators-please imagine this considering the previous comment
•Smoking laws have been passed in Spain where you can no longer smoke in bars or restaurants. Before I would regularly come home reeking of smoke.
•There is a man that always begs on the street where I am. I will not give money to beggars, but I will buy food or a meal if they are hungry. I do not always do that, but I do always acknowledge them as a person and say hi. He knows I won’t give him money so he has resorted to just greeting me back every time we see one another.
•Our doorman, Gregorio, has a very strong accent and at times it is impossible to understand him. I keep a mental tally: Taryn vs. Gregorio of the times that I understand and the times I do not. I think I’m finally catching up to him.
•Seeing somewhat famous people at physical therapy (bullfighters, newscasters, actors) and having no idea who they are since I’m not Spanish.
•Bus #1 which goes right by my house is the best bus in all of Madrid. It gets me home, to therapy, and down to the city center.
•I’m pretty sure I can navigate any public transportation now… I’ve done so in at least 10 cities in the past 2 years
•When waiting at a bus stop Spaniards keep a mental note of who was there first. Then they get on the bus according to that order. They yell if you do not follow it.
•Knowing that the bakeries in Spain have desserts that look good. The taste isn’t so great.
•Spaniards wait for you to cross the street at crosswalks. If they don’t follow the rules it’s completely appropriate to throw your hands up in the air and act angry. Sometimes you don’t have to act at all. You really are mad!
•Introducing chocolate chip cookies to my therapists and them being amazed at how wonderful they are.
•Learning to make peanut butter because buying it is super expensive and I felt very accomplished in doing this.
•Finding fresh milk and swearing that I’d never go back to the boxed milk you get off the shelf. Gotta make daddy proud.
•Language blunders never cease to be the most inappropriate things you could say. I won’t go into further detail.
•Going to Pablo and Carmen’s Bible study each Friday night for the past year and being amazed at how God’s word has shaped and changed the lives of those there. He answers their prayers and they are lavished by his love despite their circumstances.
•Early mornings are non-existent in Spain. The sun comes up around 8 and goes down as late as 10 pm.
•Missing some big things back home (Darren and Jeannine’s engagement party, friends’ weddings) and realizing life goes on without you. And that’s okay because my life has gone on as well.
•Knowing that because I choose to live away my time with you all this side of heaven may be limited. But we’ll have an eternity to catch up.
•Begging God for the salvation of my friends here and for people back home.
•Cooking and baking more than I ever thought possible. And liking it.
•Eating while walking or on public transportation is not seen and is somewhat inappropriate. You should see the looks you get.
•If you have a birthday and invite everyone out to eat, it’s the birthday person’s treat to everyone else.
•Mondays are apparently the best day for washing windows. All stores have people out cleaning the store front.
•Churros con chocolate-You get a mug of thick chocolate and dip these thick donuts like pastries in it. Very Spanish.
•The button for flushing a toilet is not on the side. It is on the top.
•Spaniards are all about the lottery. A lottery ticket is a common Christmas gift among friends.
•Spaniards tell me I’m blond. And I argue regularly with people that I have brown eyes not green. This would never be a question in the States.
•You see prostitutes on the highways and there is one street in the middle of the city center where prostitutes openly line up to work. My heart breaks every time I see the emptiness in their eyes.
•Getting excited when you hear English.
•Having a local restaurant/café where everyone knows who you are.
•Light switches are different. They are flat buttons.
•Spaniards conserve energy. In the metro unless someone is on the escalator and sets off the sensors it stops running. Same thing with lights.
•Letting my clothes air dry because clothes dryers are not common.
•I have not driven in a year and a half. I hope I remember how to get gas.
•Separate checks do not exist in Europe… you are constantly owing somebody money and trying to piece together your money to pay for your meal, café, etc. It’s like a puzzle.
•I have seen this side of the world. I have found it beautiful and charming with its intricacies and secrets to unveil. Yet not even the sites I’ve seen or the places I’ve been can fill my heart and give me purpose like knowing Christ does.
So here I go home! I go home to find yet another new normal. I find that it's okay I'm having to do that.
Onward,
Taryn
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Advice to my 15 year old self
Recently one of my good friends from highschool, Courtney, sent me a DVD of home videos of us from 8th grade through our senior year. Needless to say there was a little bit of everything! There was even some amazing footage of us playing percussion in the Jr. High band. And looking back you realize how glad you are that you made it out of those awkward years. Very awkward years.
There was footage of us talking about Golddusters, the dance squad we were on that took up most of our time throughout highschool. We talked about boys. We talked about life, marriage, food, what other people were doing, and just about anything you can imagine highschool girls talking about. Watching myself in these videos was really comical and interesting at the same time.
Looking back at my 15 year old self I am amazed at what has happened in my life these past 10 years. With that I think I would have some advice to give to myself or some things to tell myself to look forward to. Within these truths I have learned, I can see that they are not things life have taught me. They are things God has shown and revealed to me alone.
Do not delay your obedience. You will suffer the consequences even if you do eventually get around to do what God asked.
You will face trials. Prepare yourself. Your faith will be tried by fire. By the grace of God alone you will come through.
You will see the nations and yearn for their salvation.
You will live around the world. You will love it.
Excuses come fast. Ignore them and how Satan wants to distract from the things God has spoken to you.
Love well. You will encounter many you do not want to love, but you must
As soon as you say you don’t want to do something, God, seemingly and maybe with a little chuckle, will ask you to do just that. Be open at all times to his call. There are blessings in that.
Do not be tempted by the things of this world. Materialism is justified by the American dream and culture. Fight against that.
Responsibility will fall upon you that you do not want. You won’t know what to do unless you seek the Lord. Know he has given this to you expecting you to do great things for his kingdom.
Plunge into the Bible. When Satan attacks those scriptures will come to your mind to revive you.
God will show you things you never would imagine if only you’ll follow him.
You will understand what it means for God's heart and desires to become your own.
There is a seen and unseen war. Fight the good fight begging those around you to respond to the love of Christ.
Do not get weary of doing good.
The world will know you are a follower of Christ by how you love other followers and people who have yet to know of his love.
Thanks be to him for teaching me these lessons over the past ten years. And praise be to him the person he is shaping me to be. Pray that I continue to grow into these things and hold them as truth.
In Him,
Taryn
There was footage of us talking about Golddusters, the dance squad we were on that took up most of our time throughout highschool. We talked about boys. We talked about life, marriage, food, what other people were doing, and just about anything you can imagine highschool girls talking about. Watching myself in these videos was really comical and interesting at the same time.
Looking back at my 15 year old self I am amazed at what has happened in my life these past 10 years. With that I think I would have some advice to give to myself or some things to tell myself to look forward to. Within these truths I have learned, I can see that they are not things life have taught me. They are things God has shown and revealed to me alone.
Do not delay your obedience. You will suffer the consequences even if you do eventually get around to do what God asked.
You will face trials. Prepare yourself. Your faith will be tried by fire. By the grace of God alone you will come through.
You will see the nations and yearn for their salvation.
You will live around the world. You will love it.
Excuses come fast. Ignore them and how Satan wants to distract from the things God has spoken to you.
Love well. You will encounter many you do not want to love, but you must
As soon as you say you don’t want to do something, God, seemingly and maybe with a little chuckle, will ask you to do just that. Be open at all times to his call. There are blessings in that.
Do not be tempted by the things of this world. Materialism is justified by the American dream and culture. Fight against that.
Responsibility will fall upon you that you do not want. You won’t know what to do unless you seek the Lord. Know he has given this to you expecting you to do great things for his kingdom.
Plunge into the Bible. When Satan attacks those scriptures will come to your mind to revive you.
God will show you things you never would imagine if only you’ll follow him.
You will understand what it means for God's heart and desires to become your own.
There is a seen and unseen war. Fight the good fight begging those around you to respond to the love of Christ.
Do not get weary of doing good.
The world will know you are a follower of Christ by how you love other followers and people who have yet to know of his love.
Thanks be to him for teaching me these lessons over the past ten years. And praise be to him the person he is shaping me to be. Pray that I continue to grow into these things and hold them as truth.
In Him,
Taryn
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Counting the Victories
I've hit another wall. The weather is changing and my body is making me fully aware of that. Pain is near and my body feels worn down. On the days when I'm overwhelmed at how I am continually affected by this accident that shook my body, I have to count the victories. It's the only way I can keep my head up when I feel like I am taking steps backwards. These are just a few of the victories, granted by my Father God, I have had since the beginning:
Waking up in a hospital bed and knowing I'd be okay
Learning how to move myself from a hospital bed to a wheelchair.
Forcing myself to eat (initially liquids) so that my body would get strong.
Sharing the Gospel with hospital workers and telling my hospital roommate that I would pray for her.
Talking through a wired jaw.
Talking in Spanish through a wired jaw.
A release from the hospital.
Learning how to bend my knees again.
Learning how to give myself shots for 2 times a day for 2 months. And saying goodbye to the shots and the bruises they left on my body.
Rolling over in my bed with bandaged legs.
Convincing everyone that I still needed the job and Spain and God graciously allowing me to keep it.
Watching bruises fade away from my arms and face and even now watching the final bruises on my legs fade.
Riding home for 18 hours in a medical transport (it was more like being bumped up and down for 18 hours in the back of a cattle truck)without getting sick. Imagine what problems could've caused with a mouth wired shut.
Facing the shock of people's faces who didn't know me and letting it roll off my back. I didn't look so hot for awhile.
Getting my mouth unwired and hearing my voice for the first time in 6 weeks. Seeing the tears of joy in my mother's eyes as she heard my voice for the first time as well.
Two of my best friends, Christy and Kate, visiting me and watching me eat a soft cookie for the very first food I had eaten since the accident (after my mouth was unwired)
Going to Christmas Eve service with my family even though I was exhausted. Crying at the beauty of the song O Come, O Come Emmanuel and feeling humbled that I should get to sing it.
Sitting on the couch Christmas day.Before this I couldn't transfer myself from my wheelchair to any other chairs. My dad had to lift me to the couch.
Sneaking myself and my wheelchair into my bedroom. Later my dad moved my dressers out of the doorway so I could get in and out.
Maneuvering around the kitchen one afternoon unloading the dishwasher to prove to myself that I could do something small and useful.
Using the sink in my bathroom to practice standing before anyone told me I could get out of my wheelchair.
Walking for the first time.
Saying goodbye to the hospital bed/ makeshift hospital room in our house and finally moving into my bedroom.
Learning to walk around the house with a walker.
Learning to walk around the house without the balance of a walker.
Never having to use a cane. I just couldn’t bring myself to allow that to happen.
Learning to walk up and down stairs.
Learning to bounce on a trampoline.
Wearing normal shoes when the swelling went down enough.
The sores on my legs from the swelling healing, finally.
Going to bed without needing to keep the walker by my bedside.
Waking up and being able to take medicine on my own during the night.
Learning to pray for my friends around the world when the pain kept me up at night.
Praying in battle with my mom and dad every night.
Getting rid of that dumb walker.
Sharing my story of God's work with different churches and youth.
Going to therapy 3 times a week for several hours each session. Making my body my slave each time.
Going to the Hispanic ministry at church every Wednesday and Sunday to learn Spanish.
One Sunday telling my mom I didn't want to go to church or to the Spanish service. She told me if I didn't care enough about learning Spanish I should reconsider if I should really be doing the job I was working to go and do. I sat in my bathroom. Pouted and cried. Then told myself to suck it up and rolled out in my little wheelchair to go to church and to learn Spanish. Victory.
Losing tons of my hair and reminding myself it was a good thing God gave me thick hair.
Finishing some training in VA in March. My first big trip on my own in the airport and all.
Walking around Walmart for about 45 minutes.
Driving for the first time.
Being able to sleep on my belly.
Going to the farm with Dad.
Going to Spain only to get stuck because of a volcano in Munich.
Arriving 5 days later in Spain.
Facing the walking and stairs every day in Spain.
Living with cankles and telling myself that they are cute.
Feeling like I lost my personality in the pain and then realizing who I am is in Christ alone.
Crying out to God and Him answering me.
Hearing people pray for me in moments of despair and God lifting the pain in those moments.
In moments when my legs were too tired to go on feeling someone step into my legs and walk for me.
Having the ability to share God loves with my therapists in Spain. I would not have access to them without my injuries.
Accepting that God's victories and how he has used me these past several months has been about him. Not about me.
Learning perseverance.
Learning patience.
Realizing I'm not alone in a battle like this.
Knowing that I can rest in where God has me even though Satan would like me to put more pressure on myself than necessary.
Gaining a platform that is suffering that allows me to speak into people's lives. Somehow we listen better to those who have hurt.
Running and it hurting like you know what. But doing it anyways.
Seeing that God's reign is not limited by any schemes of the devil in which he would have us be discouraged and believe that God has left us.
He who has begun a good work in me will finish it. AMEN!
I know I have so many more victories than this. This list skims over a few that I have seen and remember. Somehow it feels good to reflect on God's faithfulness within each and every victory. However small or large. I fall at the feet of the victorious king I will always worship.
Standing (literally and figuratively) in His Victory,
Taryn
Waking up in a hospital bed and knowing I'd be okay
Learning how to move myself from a hospital bed to a wheelchair.
Forcing myself to eat (initially liquids) so that my body would get strong.
Sharing the Gospel with hospital workers and telling my hospital roommate that I would pray for her.
Talking through a wired jaw.
Talking in Spanish through a wired jaw.
A release from the hospital.
Learning how to bend my knees again.
Learning how to give myself shots for 2 times a day for 2 months. And saying goodbye to the shots and the bruises they left on my body.
Rolling over in my bed with bandaged legs.
Convincing everyone that I still needed the job and Spain and God graciously allowing me to keep it.
Watching bruises fade away from my arms and face and even now watching the final bruises on my legs fade.
Riding home for 18 hours in a medical transport (it was more like being bumped up and down for 18 hours in the back of a cattle truck)without getting sick. Imagine what problems could've caused with a mouth wired shut.
Facing the shock of people's faces who didn't know me and letting it roll off my back. I didn't look so hot for awhile.
Getting my mouth unwired and hearing my voice for the first time in 6 weeks. Seeing the tears of joy in my mother's eyes as she heard my voice for the first time as well.
Two of my best friends, Christy and Kate, visiting me and watching me eat a soft cookie for the very first food I had eaten since the accident (after my mouth was unwired)
Going to Christmas Eve service with my family even though I was exhausted. Crying at the beauty of the song O Come, O Come Emmanuel and feeling humbled that I should get to sing it.
Sitting on the couch Christmas day.Before this I couldn't transfer myself from my wheelchair to any other chairs. My dad had to lift me to the couch.
Sneaking myself and my wheelchair into my bedroom. Later my dad moved my dressers out of the doorway so I could get in and out.
Maneuvering around the kitchen one afternoon unloading the dishwasher to prove to myself that I could do something small and useful.
Using the sink in my bathroom to practice standing before anyone told me I could get out of my wheelchair.
Walking for the first time.
Saying goodbye to the hospital bed/ makeshift hospital room in our house and finally moving into my bedroom.
Learning to walk around the house with a walker.
Learning to walk around the house without the balance of a walker.
Never having to use a cane. I just couldn’t bring myself to allow that to happen.
Learning to walk up and down stairs.
Learning to bounce on a trampoline.
Wearing normal shoes when the swelling went down enough.
The sores on my legs from the swelling healing, finally.
Going to bed without needing to keep the walker by my bedside.
Waking up and being able to take medicine on my own during the night.
Learning to pray for my friends around the world when the pain kept me up at night.
Praying in battle with my mom and dad every night.
Getting rid of that dumb walker.
Sharing my story of God's work with different churches and youth.
Going to therapy 3 times a week for several hours each session. Making my body my slave each time.
Going to the Hispanic ministry at church every Wednesday and Sunday to learn Spanish.
One Sunday telling my mom I didn't want to go to church or to the Spanish service. She told me if I didn't care enough about learning Spanish I should reconsider if I should really be doing the job I was working to go and do. I sat in my bathroom. Pouted and cried. Then told myself to suck it up and rolled out in my little wheelchair to go to church and to learn Spanish. Victory.
Losing tons of my hair and reminding myself it was a good thing God gave me thick hair.
Finishing some training in VA in March. My first big trip on my own in the airport and all.
Walking around Walmart for about 45 minutes.
Driving for the first time.
Being able to sleep on my belly.
Going to the farm with Dad.
Going to Spain only to get stuck because of a volcano in Munich.
Arriving 5 days later in Spain.
Facing the walking and stairs every day in Spain.
Living with cankles and telling myself that they are cute.
Feeling like I lost my personality in the pain and then realizing who I am is in Christ alone.
Crying out to God and Him answering me.
Hearing people pray for me in moments of despair and God lifting the pain in those moments.
In moments when my legs were too tired to go on feeling someone step into my legs and walk for me.
Having the ability to share God loves with my therapists in Spain. I would not have access to them without my injuries.
Accepting that God's victories and how he has used me these past several months has been about him. Not about me.
Learning perseverance.
Learning patience.
Realizing I'm not alone in a battle like this.
Knowing that I can rest in where God has me even though Satan would like me to put more pressure on myself than necessary.
Gaining a platform that is suffering that allows me to speak into people's lives. Somehow we listen better to those who have hurt.
Running and it hurting like you know what. But doing it anyways.
Seeing that God's reign is not limited by any schemes of the devil in which he would have us be discouraged and believe that God has left us.
He who has begun a good work in me will finish it. AMEN!
I know I have so many more victories than this. This list skims over a few that I have seen and remember. Somehow it feels good to reflect on God's faithfulness within each and every victory. However small or large. I fall at the feet of the victorious king I will always worship.
Standing (literally and figuratively) in His Victory,
Taryn
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
August Update
This is No Coincidence
The trip to Germany went well, but was very different from Italy. Immigrants that are in Germany MUST have their legal documents because without them you cannot stay in Germany.
Everything was very orderly as expected, and Brook, Parker, and I felt a little funny blending in with everyone around us. We could’ve easily been German and people would even go up to Brook and speak German to her! We just laughed.
While we were in Stuttgart learning about Spanish speaking churches, we met up with one of Brook’s friends from Arkansas who is working at the International Baptist Church there. Through his group of friends we met a Mexican girl my age who is working and studying in Germany.
We shared what our work was about– finding Latinos, evangelizing them, and then mobilizing them to other immigrant populations. She got it. She’s doing it.
My friend, K, actively shares the Gospel with her Muslim friends and is always looking for ways in which she can tell them about Christ. We had an amazing conversation about her friends and how they have even said she could be from their home countries because of her darker skin color. In some ways they are even culturally similar. Go figure, right?
The beauty of these similarities is that they are comfortable with her. She loves them deeply.
We talked more about her relationships and she shared with me that she was at her wit’s end with sharing with her friends. I got very excited because I told her I have resources in Spanish explaining ways to share the Gospel with Muslims and how to point them to Christ.
After I emailed her these resources she told me that this was the answer she had been waiting for!
What’s even more crazy is that as we were talking and sharing about our life we discovered that we both had been in accidents about 2 years ago that have required intense recovery and continues to affect us..She looked at me in the midst of this and said this is no coincidence! Our meeting each other was not by chance.
I had been praying for God to show me how big he is. He showed me a friend who needed a way to share the Gospel with her friends who badly need to hear it.
God is moving among his people. He is going before us and working in ways we cannot imagine. With our God there aren’t coincidences. We discover that his fingerprints are all over lives.
He Must Be Looking For You
At our hotel in Germany we made friends with the receptionists. They were around our age and had really excellent English. One girl in particular, K, was especially open to us and sought us out to talk with her. So of course we did.
We shared what our job was. We shared about how God has worked in each of our lives. We shared how we’ve seen him work in the lives of others. It was amazing because she listened intently.
One evening Brook and I were able to share in depth about Christ and the things of the Bible with her. She listened. She had questions, so we talked through that.
She told us she had been attending a Bible study at a German church, but she had so many questions. She said whenever she was there she could feel the darkness pulling her away. She has since stopped going.
As she was explaining this, I felt the urge to tell her how much God loves her. I said, “You know how much he loves you? He loves you so much, K! He loves you enough to send us here to talk to you about him. He must be
looking for you since we are here having this conversation right now.”
Her crystal blue eyes lit up and a sweet smile changed her entire countenance. “Yeah?” she asked. Then she told us that she is waiting to hear from him. We told her we’d pray for her to hear from him in a powerful way. We encouraged her to read the Bible because we know he talks to us through his Word.
Please pray for my friend. Pray that God speaks to her so clearly and that she receives the message of his love and salvation. Pray that she reads the Bible and especially that the spiritual darkness will stay away from her. She reminds me how we only see a portion of the battle that wages. Her soul is at stake, We must intercede for her!
Prayer Requests
For the Trailblazer team– preparation for France– September 18-30
My legs-swelling to be minimal/ for my tendon to not be painful
For my friends who help me at therapy
For the people (believers and non believers )we met in Germany
Praises!
My continued improvement
The good relationships made on the Germany trip
I only have a month and a half left in Spain before I’ll be home!
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Keeping the Silence
I returned home from Germany this past Tuesday. Exhausted. My body was tired throughout the trip, then I'd get angry at it and push it further. When Brook and Parker would slow down for me I would throw my arms in the air waving them on. No way I want anyone waiting on me. My legs were aching. Knees were stiff. Emotionally and spiritually I was done. My fellow team members and I had been together for almost 2 weeks straight. I was ready to not see anyone even though I love Brook and Parker. I felt like hitting my head against the wall because the trip had been slower than Italy, even though God had some very important contacts we made. God had also been speaking to me about some really difficult things. In the midst of all of that I was just done. Emotionally and spiritually raw. Physically finished.
I got on the plane almost in tears because of the wall I was hitting. I'm pushing the two year mark of my accident and I can't believe my body still can feel this way. I told God that I just needed a flight without any complications. No talking to anyone. I put in my headphones and decided to disappear into the music.
My seat was the middle leaving the window seat open since Brook was in the aisle. "Oh Lord, please leave this seat open," I prayed. Then a Spanish girl came to claim her seat. She sat down talking on her phone and I could tell something was wrong. She hung up her phone and turned her face away from me. She put in her headphones. At first I could see her shoulders subtly shaking. Then I could see the tears streaming down her face. My heart started to hurt for her. I felt my stomach start to sink. I couldn't ignore her.
We find excuses. I found mine immediately. It's been about 2 weeks since I've had a good Spanish conversation. Oh, Spaniards aren't willing to talk about spiritual things because it's super private. It's none of my business. She'll be fine eventually. I put in and took out my headphones a million times trying to decide what I was going to do. All I wanted was silence. Didn't God realize that this was not the best time to send someone in my path for me to talk to? I'm on the verge of tears myself!
I had a decision to make. And I knew that because I care I couldn't let her sit by me and cry. I knew because I have the best news in the world to share with her that I couldn't keep it from her. I tapped her on the shoulder her and asked her if she needed anything. She smiled and said no. I then smiled and told her I didn't know what happened, but if she needed someone to talk to I could listen. We spent the next hour and a half talking. We talked about where we are from, our jobs, and our family. Most importantly I reached over to her, touched her arm, and told her that God loves her. That he loves the people and immigrants that I search for in my job. That I didn't believe Jesus came to this earth just to deal with the spiritual. He deals with our physical, emotional, and mental needs. He loves of deeply and wants a relationship with us.
She gave me the most sincere smile and for a moment her eyes lit up. She told me that I had a beautiful heart. Funny how my heart is actually very selfish in that I tried to talk myself out of sharing God's love with her. I contemplated keeping the silence. Then ashamed of myself I had to face some questions for my already raw, worn down heart. WHO AM I TO WITHHOLD THIS BEAUTIFUL NEWS OF GOD'S LOVE? Who do I think I am? How insolent can one be to not share this message?
She heard the news of Christ. She was told she was loved. Pray for Carmen. Pray that she accepts this message and that it forever changes her life. We exchanged emails, and after talking about American food I told her I'd send her a recipe for biscuits and gravy. She was amazed that there was a different type of gravy for breakfast. I cannot withhold this important message either :) She repeatedly thanked me for talking with her. I'm not sure when I've seen someone so sad and a few minutes later see their eyes light up at someone taking an interest in them. God's love truly captures our hearts.
Pray for someone else to cross paths with her and confirm this message. Pray that she considers the news I've told her and realizes this beautiful love is for her. Pray for my selfish heart and that I realize that keeping the silence is never an option when the world is dying to know the love of my Christ.
Never Silent,
Taryn
Once again my Isaiah chapters speak to me:
1 For Zion’s sake I will not keep silent,
for Jerusalem’s sake I will not remain quiet,
till her vindication shines out like the dawn,
her salvation like a blazing torch.
2 The nations will see your vindication,
and all kings your glory;
you will be called by a new name
that the mouth of the LORD will bestow.
3 You will be a crown of splendor in the LORD’s hand,
a royal diadem in the hand of your God.
Isaiah 62:1-3
I got on the plane almost in tears because of the wall I was hitting. I'm pushing the two year mark of my accident and I can't believe my body still can feel this way. I told God that I just needed a flight without any complications. No talking to anyone. I put in my headphones and decided to disappear into the music.
My seat was the middle leaving the window seat open since Brook was in the aisle. "Oh Lord, please leave this seat open," I prayed. Then a Spanish girl came to claim her seat. She sat down talking on her phone and I could tell something was wrong. She hung up her phone and turned her face away from me. She put in her headphones. At first I could see her shoulders subtly shaking. Then I could see the tears streaming down her face. My heart started to hurt for her. I felt my stomach start to sink. I couldn't ignore her.
We find excuses. I found mine immediately. It's been about 2 weeks since I've had a good Spanish conversation. Oh, Spaniards aren't willing to talk about spiritual things because it's super private. It's none of my business. She'll be fine eventually. I put in and took out my headphones a million times trying to decide what I was going to do. All I wanted was silence. Didn't God realize that this was not the best time to send someone in my path for me to talk to? I'm on the verge of tears myself!
I had a decision to make. And I knew that because I care I couldn't let her sit by me and cry. I knew because I have the best news in the world to share with her that I couldn't keep it from her. I tapped her on the shoulder her and asked her if she needed anything. She smiled and said no. I then smiled and told her I didn't know what happened, but if she needed someone to talk to I could listen. We spent the next hour and a half talking. We talked about where we are from, our jobs, and our family. Most importantly I reached over to her, touched her arm, and told her that God loves her. That he loves the people and immigrants that I search for in my job. That I didn't believe Jesus came to this earth just to deal with the spiritual. He deals with our physical, emotional, and mental needs. He loves of deeply and wants a relationship with us.
She gave me the most sincere smile and for a moment her eyes lit up. She told me that I had a beautiful heart. Funny how my heart is actually very selfish in that I tried to talk myself out of sharing God's love with her. I contemplated keeping the silence. Then ashamed of myself I had to face some questions for my already raw, worn down heart. WHO AM I TO WITHHOLD THIS BEAUTIFUL NEWS OF GOD'S LOVE? Who do I think I am? How insolent can one be to not share this message?
She heard the news of Christ. She was told she was loved. Pray for Carmen. Pray that she accepts this message and that it forever changes her life. We exchanged emails, and after talking about American food I told her I'd send her a recipe for biscuits and gravy. She was amazed that there was a different type of gravy for breakfast. I cannot withhold this important message either :) She repeatedly thanked me for talking with her. I'm not sure when I've seen someone so sad and a few minutes later see their eyes light up at someone taking an interest in them. God's love truly captures our hearts.
Pray for someone else to cross paths with her and confirm this message. Pray that she considers the news I've told her and realizes this beautiful love is for her. Pray for my selfish heart and that I realize that keeping the silence is never an option when the world is dying to know the love of my Christ.
Never Silent,
Taryn
Once again my Isaiah chapters speak to me:
1 For Zion’s sake I will not keep silent,
for Jerusalem’s sake I will not remain quiet,
till her vindication shines out like the dawn,
her salvation like a blazing torch.
2 The nations will see your vindication,
and all kings your glory;
you will be called by a new name
that the mouth of the LORD will bestow.
3 You will be a crown of splendor in the LORD’s hand,
a royal diadem in the hand of your God.
Isaiah 62:1-3
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
You're an Oak
I am looking towards the future. This is totally in my personality. Being type A I not only have Plan A, but I have B, C, and D lined up as well. As I look to going home in 2 months and a few days, I have absolutely no plans. I honestly tried to make some great plans. I came up with the idea of going to seminary, going for another Masters, pursuing career missions, or just staying in Europe. I was begging God to give me a direction or a vision. I have a vision, but I hear the Lord telling me to stop for a little bit.
Stopping is not what I do! However, EVERYONE that I have sought advice from as I look to my future has given me the same advice. Slow down. Rest. Let your body heal. Take your time. It has never occurred to me to take my time doing anything. I want to face the world at full force. And that is exactly what I've done. Quite frankly I have worn myself out doing this. I'm coming home to the possibilities of more surgeries. My body is STILL healing. My reality is I need to slow down.
So this is me being obedient. Slowing down sounds like the worst idea in the world to me, but I have to. I have realized that I need this time to be in Arkansas. I need this time near my family. My family needs this time with me. My brother is getting married, and I want to spend time getting to know him and Jeannine as a couple. I want to reacquaint myself with my world as it is in the States. We all know that it won't be long before I jet off again. But this season is for resting. It's for healing. I gave God a timeline (I'm sure He's cracking up at my best attempts at controlling my "sabbatical") and this timeline is a year to a year and a half. In His mercies, I know He is considering this of me, so that I don't go crazy waiting and resting. But then after this rest, I must go again.
Go where? I don't know. With whom will I go? I'll find out. How? Only He knows. When? Um, remember? I told God a year to a year and half (I pray that it's no longer!) I think He loves me not knowing, and I love relinquishing this control to Him.
Until recently I didn't realize how badly I need this break that's coming up. I do know one thing. Something big is coming. A few months ago, God used Isaiah 61 and 62 to speak clearly to me. I had been almost obsessively pouring over Isaiah in the days previous to this very clear encounter with God. I'm not sure why, but I had been reading this book each day all day long. During this time I had to have a difficult conversation with someone. I shared this experience with my friend Amy, and she looked at me and said, "You're an oak."
I smiled because I hadn't heard that expression before, but I knew what it meant. She was kind to say that and was being an encouraging friend. That same night I came across Isaiah 61 and these verses have set the stage for what this next season of life will be like for me and what my life will be like. The chapter starts off:
The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor and the day of vengeance of our God to comfort all who mourn and provide for those who grieve in Zion- to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called OAKS of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor.
The same night my friend called me an oak is the same night the Lord calls me an oak and spoke to me through these chapters. I will be a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor! Hallelujah! Amen! How lovely is that? I will preach freedom to the captives! This will be the year of the Lord's favor! Now, I have no idea what that will mean. But I have felt the Lord saying, you have walked through fire. I haven't left you. You are my beloved, enter Isaiah 62:4-5:
No longer will they call you Deserted, or name your land Desolate. But you will be called Hephzibah, and your land Beulah; for the Lord will take delight in you, and your land will be married. As a young man marries a maiden, so will your sons marry you; as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride, so will your God rejoice over you.
This is the time of His favor. It may be in something so small that only I will know it or understand it. Or it may be huge in the eyes of all to see how wonderful my Father is. All I know is that it's coming. And I'm waiting expectantly as a bride waits for her groom. I have this excitement which is crazy since I know I am entering a time of rest. I have this great burning in my soul even though my soul burns most brightly when I am at work and busy. I can't explain it, but it's upon me. So I am waiting. The thing I'm the worst at. I'm allowing myself to finish in Spain strong, but recognizing I must rest and heal some more as I prepare for home. And I'm getting excited.
My Lord loves me, never leaves me, delights in me, finds me lovely, uses me for His glory and splendor, and lets me live the most exciting adventure there is: following Him.
Pray for me as I wait. Pray for me as I face health concerns and as I look towards jobs as I heal. I am facing some very practical things as I return, but for right now I'm dreaming about the possibilities He has before me. He's the only one I can share my wildest dreams with and lay these things at His beautiful feet.
I know some people challenge whether Song of Songs can be about a husband and a wife, but also about our relationship with God. I think it can be both in different ways. Who else knows us more intimately than God? So I believe the intimacy of this book can be used to describe our relationship with Him. I do know that He spoke to me once again this past week using this book:
My lover spoke and said to me, "Arise my darling, my beautiful one, and come with me. See! The winter is past; the rains are over and gone. Flowers appear on the earth; the season of singing has come, the cooing of doves is heard in our land. The fig tree forms its early fruit; the blossoming vines spread their fragrance. Arise, come my darling; my beautiful one, come with me."
Song of Songs 2:10-13
He beckons me. I must arise and go to Him.
Taryn
Stopping is not what I do! However, EVERYONE that I have sought advice from as I look to my future has given me the same advice. Slow down. Rest. Let your body heal. Take your time. It has never occurred to me to take my time doing anything. I want to face the world at full force. And that is exactly what I've done. Quite frankly I have worn myself out doing this. I'm coming home to the possibilities of more surgeries. My body is STILL healing. My reality is I need to slow down.
So this is me being obedient. Slowing down sounds like the worst idea in the world to me, but I have to. I have realized that I need this time to be in Arkansas. I need this time near my family. My family needs this time with me. My brother is getting married, and I want to spend time getting to know him and Jeannine as a couple. I want to reacquaint myself with my world as it is in the States. We all know that it won't be long before I jet off again. But this season is for resting. It's for healing. I gave God a timeline (I'm sure He's cracking up at my best attempts at controlling my "sabbatical") and this timeline is a year to a year and a half. In His mercies, I know He is considering this of me, so that I don't go crazy waiting and resting. But then after this rest, I must go again.
Go where? I don't know. With whom will I go? I'll find out. How? Only He knows. When? Um, remember? I told God a year to a year and half (I pray that it's no longer!) I think He loves me not knowing, and I love relinquishing this control to Him.
Until recently I didn't realize how badly I need this break that's coming up. I do know one thing. Something big is coming. A few months ago, God used Isaiah 61 and 62 to speak clearly to me. I had been almost obsessively pouring over Isaiah in the days previous to this very clear encounter with God. I'm not sure why, but I had been reading this book each day all day long. During this time I had to have a difficult conversation with someone. I shared this experience with my friend Amy, and she looked at me and said, "You're an oak."
I smiled because I hadn't heard that expression before, but I knew what it meant. She was kind to say that and was being an encouraging friend. That same night I came across Isaiah 61 and these verses have set the stage for what this next season of life will be like for me and what my life will be like. The chapter starts off:
The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor and the day of vengeance of our God to comfort all who mourn and provide for those who grieve in Zion- to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called OAKS of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor.
The same night my friend called me an oak is the same night the Lord calls me an oak and spoke to me through these chapters. I will be a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor! Hallelujah! Amen! How lovely is that? I will preach freedom to the captives! This will be the year of the Lord's favor! Now, I have no idea what that will mean. But I have felt the Lord saying, you have walked through fire. I haven't left you. You are my beloved, enter Isaiah 62:4-5:
No longer will they call you Deserted, or name your land Desolate. But you will be called Hephzibah, and your land Beulah; for the Lord will take delight in you, and your land will be married. As a young man marries a maiden, so will your sons marry you; as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride, so will your God rejoice over you.
This is the time of His favor. It may be in something so small that only I will know it or understand it. Or it may be huge in the eyes of all to see how wonderful my Father is. All I know is that it's coming. And I'm waiting expectantly as a bride waits for her groom. I have this excitement which is crazy since I know I am entering a time of rest. I have this great burning in my soul even though my soul burns most brightly when I am at work and busy. I can't explain it, but it's upon me. So I am waiting. The thing I'm the worst at. I'm allowing myself to finish in Spain strong, but recognizing I must rest and heal some more as I prepare for home. And I'm getting excited.
My Lord loves me, never leaves me, delights in me, finds me lovely, uses me for His glory and splendor, and lets me live the most exciting adventure there is: following Him.
Pray for me as I wait. Pray for me as I face health concerns and as I look towards jobs as I heal. I am facing some very practical things as I return, but for right now I'm dreaming about the possibilities He has before me. He's the only one I can share my wildest dreams with and lay these things at His beautiful feet.
I know some people challenge whether Song of Songs can be about a husband and a wife, but also about our relationship with God. I think it can be both in different ways. Who else knows us more intimately than God? So I believe the intimacy of this book can be used to describe our relationship with Him. I do know that He spoke to me once again this past week using this book:
My lover spoke and said to me, "Arise my darling, my beautiful one, and come with me. See! The winter is past; the rains are over and gone. Flowers appear on the earth; the season of singing has come, the cooing of doves is heard in our land. The fig tree forms its early fruit; the blossoming vines spread their fragrance. Arise, come my darling; my beautiful one, come with me."
Song of Songs 2:10-13
He beckons me. I must arise and go to Him.
Taryn
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