Did I Sign Up For This?

I have some good news about my progress! When I went to the Dr. Monday, he said my legs are healing nicely and hopefully in two weeks I can start putting some pressure on them! This will eventually lead me to start walking sometime in January. Also tomorrow my jaw will be unwired, and that will greatly increase the type of things I can eat! Even though I still can't chew, it will just be nice to be free and nice to not be limited to liquids. My neck had been bothering me a lot at night, and on my discharge from the hospital in Virginia there was something said about a fracture in my neck. We asked about it here and finally found out that it's nothing dangerous, and it heals fine within 4-6 weeks. It's feeling a lot better now. The swelling and bruising in my legs and mouth are slowly going down, so it's nice to see some progress. Another thing that's nice is I don't have as much pain overall. Your prayers are truly lifting me up to our Father, and He is healing me each day.

Before my wreck while I was at training, we had been going through the book of Acts. We studied how churches started and who all was involved in these church plants. When we got to Acts 9 I quickly recognize it as the passage about Paul's conversion. Paul had been known for his persecution of Christians, and on his way to Damascus he encountered Jesus. Now this is one of those encounters that you don't just walk away from unchanged. Paul was blind and he went on his way into Damascus very much a changed man. Later a Christian man, Ananias, was commanded by God to go to the place where Paul was staying. Ananias, knowing Paul's reputation very well, responded to God with a concern about this information he knew. God then said to Ananias, "Go! This man is my chosen instrument to carry my name before the Gentiles and their kings and before the people of Israel. I will show him how much he must suffer for my name." (Acts 9:15-16)

For some reason I couldn't get past the last sentence God spoke. Suffering for his name? What does that even mean? These words have kept running through my mind and continue to do so in the midst of what I'm going through now. I realize I'm not necessarily undergoing persecution, but what does it really mean to suffer for the name of Jesus Christ? It made me wonder how I would feel if God said this about me to someone. Then I thought did I even sign up for this suffering? Did I sign up for the type of suffering that Paul underwent when he became so radical for the gospel? The Lord has quickly reminded me that yes I have. Jesus is very clear with people about the cost of following Him. Have we forgotten that he requires everything of us?

As believers we lose our lives to the Lord (not necessarily death). This means putting everything else as secondary to what the Lord would have us do and to loving Him first. When I see suffering in that passage, I really wrestle with it because I'm not exactly sure what all it means. I have come to a peace however knowing that I serve an awesome God who loves me beyond what I can understand. I also know that He is continually stretching me, building character, and making me stronger in Him. Many times this requires suffering, but what is the end goal? The end goal is more people knowing about Jesus Christ. This was what God was requiring of Paul so he could proclaim the gospel. Since I've decided that I did sign up for suffering for Jesus' name, I will do just that because His name is valued beyond everything else.

I'm not sure if I clearly explained all my thoughts in this, and maybe that's because it's something I don't have the exact answer to. I challenge you to think about it though. What did God mean by this? Why did God require this of Paul? What does he require of us?

Thank you all for all you have done and keep doing for me. I still have a ways to go, but I am encouraged knowing your prayers carry me along.

Taryn

Also... please let me know how I can be praying for you guys! I mean I'm in a wheel chair not doing too much. Not that I really have a ton of energy still, but I can certainly pray for you.